Expecting first child.... I already see the problems with the inlaws starting. cultural differences, maybe also because of social issues or something else. How do you deal with it? Especially MIL??

[1horatio]

So, we're expexting :) OH is awesome. MIL is being difficult...
OH and I have many different opinions (from violence, the army, children and knives, open fires, fishing, shooting, the law [make sure it's worth it if you break it, know how to skirt it vs just follow the law]).
But OH and I talk, compromise and appreciate we're having different cultural backgrounds (OH is English, I'm not. But seeing as I'm also from Europe one might think there would be less differences. We actually enjoy these differences. Especially OH thinks they're incredibly interesting and has many fancy terms... ).

Anyhow, for example: OH's sister's DC is being bullied. Also somewhat phisically. My response: 'Hit then where it hurts'. SIL sat next to us and listened (I proceeded to explain /show a bit how to hit back). MIL comes: 'That's not how we deal with things like this. Go to a teacher.' I say that the teachers know and that it hasn't gotten better. MIL gives me nasty looks and say DC is better than that....

Said child isn't allowed around sharp knives. Ok, I'm not their parent I'd never interfere.
But I got my first dagger with around... 8? and had pocketknives before I went to school. My little brothers had their first daggers when they were much younger. We were taught how to handle them and hardly ever cut us and never somebody else. MIL would be apoplectic if she just heard about it.
Target shooting with a bow is also a perfectly normal activity in my family. Riding isn't seen as "so dangerous" either.... (guns are obviously not for children).
We've always known that meat comes from animals when we were little. Also because sometimes we were the one that killed the animal we were eating. My inlaws thought it was terribly morbid I accidentally called the beef we were eating a cow....

How do you guys deal with this? Does anybody else have similar experiences? Now that we're expecting LO MIL is trying to influence so much. She wants me to stop doing a sport I love after the birth, makes comments like:"one should never let a child do...." and glances at me meaningfully....

Plus MIL is soo concerned with appearance. Some names are 'bad', screaming children are a disgrace but dummies are ok (I'm of the opposite opinion) and she always gives me this stare. Or says: "we don't like this, do we, 1horatio?" whereas I'm just thinking: "we?!"

Oh... I'm more of a tent person (actually never hollidayed in a camper van) but yes, sounds like it sucked getting held up like that...

Ask a passive aggressive rude person to repeat themselves "Sorry I didn't catch that. What did you say?" "I think I must have misheard that, what did you say?" All said nicely.

They either have to back track or say it directly. If they have a valid thing to say, fine. If they are being a knob they look like a knob.

The public stuff is bad though. I would definitely come down hard on the arm gripping, if only verbally. "Ow! MIL!"

For interrupting there are two options: hard silent stare at the interrupting person all the time they are talking (this is of course an overtly aggressive move) or my favourite: keep talking but louder and louder as if you hadn't been interrupted until you are finished.

I have cultural difference with ILs (but mine are lovely). They have the odd raised eyebrow at my views. I ask them outright how Situation is usually handled in England. I don't explain the differences with me. I treat it like I have to write a sociology paper about how the English do Thing. Lots of questions and interested nodding. No agreeing to do it the English way myself. But saying "oh, that's so interesting" a lot and "do you think that works well?" "What happens if?" "Has it always been like that?" "Who taught you about all this?" Genuinely interested. No commitments. Keeps them talking too.

Ah!
I knew tents were superior to camper vans

Bad luck, Maria, but it does sound as if your knife was beyond the legal limit. Easy to forget to take it out of your bag.

My children have had pocket knives and learned how to use them. And they can shoot too. And do all sorts of other outdoorsy things.

I just don't think it make me or them in anyway superior!

Things like dummies-just do what you want.

Giving your little children knives and Telling them to hit their bullies will get you called into school!!

No idea, campervans could be awesome. I just can't drive. Neither can my mum, and my dad only learnt in his early 40ies...

So, campervans weren't an option... :) plus, where we went camping campervans weren't even allowed....

Superior? No! Of course not!

So, what should the kid of SIL do? Telling the teachers isn't helping and defending oneself (not just randomly hitting a person, obviously) is apperently not an option. So what would you guys do? Seriously? Tell the kid to just take it??

Still stumped on the whole selfdefense thing, tbh. ....

Seriously, what would you tell the kid of SIL? Especially the teachers on this thread. If the school isn't/can't stop it, then what is the kiddo supposed to do?

Your SIL needs to go into school each and every time something happens, and escalate to Head, governors etc if needs be.

And no, of course the kid shouldn't just take it. Nice use of passive aggressive there

I think you've had a shock about the UK attitude to outdoors. (By UK I mean people without access to farms and rural upbringing.) I've read posts on here where people are shocked that children played outside when it was raining.(they had boots on etc)

I think that the attitude is slowly changing. Forest Schools are very popular as are Bear Grylls type programmes. My 9 year old got the chance to have a lesson and was really proud of lighting a fire with a flint and steel.

I'm dual heritage and one half is a culture where kids are allowed access to knives for cutting fruit etc. Using a knife to cut all the peel from an apple in one piece is considered a common place skill for primary school.

In the UK, daggers conjure up the image of weapons used by pirates or circuses where someone throws them
close to another's head. I would raise my eyebrows at the image of 5 year olds with a real dagger.

Oh, sorry. That was pretty agressive

SIL did. But as I said, the other kids said the kiddo fell. No idea, the teacher isn't stupid (I'd assume) so I doubt she believes that. I do know that they had talks about name calling etc (which was apparently more than useless).

Uh, no dagger throwing close to somebody's head... That's dangerous!!!

I'm talking about scout knives, which we call pfadidolch (scouts daggers).

How old is the child being bullied? Is it physical or verbal?

My experience is that in primary, it's only fine to use physical force in self defence to physical attack and it needs to be followed by the parents telling the school that they are not to punish your child. If it's sneaky/verbal then they need to stand up for themselves and loud about it so that everyone knows that the bully is being unreasonable. It needs to be followed up with the parents making all over it and making a fuss at school. If the school won't act, find out their bullying policy (all schools have to have one) and follow the process. Keep the kid off school if necessary. Attendance rates are important for school ratings so will push ineffective heads to act quickly.

If it's secondary then in my experience, things are sometimes sorted physically. However, if it's done on school property then she risks trouble with the school, out of school then she risks the other parent calling the police- especially if the other child ends up with a physical injury.
Again, find out the school bullying policy and follow the process and like I said above they need to be pushy and all over this.

Google Image "dagger" and you'll see why your MIL is shocked.

I've never heard of a scout's dagger but it looks like a hunting knife kind of thing (much more acceptable under supervision!!)

8 or 9 (I'm horrible with birthdays and ages. And let's not even talk about remembering wedding days... But I luckily have somebody to help me remember...)

Well, up to now it was verbal (and maybe sonetimes a nudge or an elbow in the ribs) but there were no physical injuries up to the falling incident. Yes, I guess that's what SIL has to do. Just talking to the teacher doesn't seem to be enough.
I guess I'm just... I honestly can't explain it. But the idea that you shouldn't hit back (preferably harder) is just so so fundamentally wrong to me (I'm probably bad at explaining it).

These daggers are muuuch longer than what I'm talking about. These look like they're for stabbing, not the outdoors!!!
Scout dagger is just the literl translation. It looks like this:
www.google.ch/search?q=pfadidolch&hl=de-CH&source=lnms&prmd=imvn&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwii_q-XgbDNAhVG1hoKHRKaBgQQ_AUIBygB&biw=380&bih=162

I googled the German name and that looks much more reasonable.

If she was older I'd also warn your niece to be wary of camera phones. You can find videos of UK children fighting on social media and my children at secondary have witnessed fights at school so it's not unusual.

Youd exclude children for owning a knive or for taking it to school? Are private schools more lenient?

OP, you are obsessed with knives.

Nah, not really :D i don't really care whether children get to take it to school. If there's actually a knive crime problem in English schools then that's very sensible! Nobody wants students stabbing each other.

But the idea that the LO wouldn't be allowed to make pointy sticks for sausages for example because social services would be called was more than just a little bit disturbing....
I guess I just got stuck on an 8 yo not being allowed to handle sharp knives. Also because I still remember the day my dad gave me a knive (not a Swiss army knive. The thing that may or may not be a dagger).

Parents had divorced a few years before that and I was proud like... Idk what when I went back to my mother with it. Still have that knive. It's a good memory :)
I'm sure you have a similar memory. Maybe of football shoes, a lipstick or a watch...

I think OP you worry about the knives a little bit too soon. Also your MIL doesn't have to know everything what is going on at home unless your DH will tell her of everything. My DH is worried too much about this and that and sometimes he is a bit ridiculous as the only way to keep our children save would be for them to stay at home.

Well, it is a new category of parents- anti dummy, anti simple carbs, pro knife, pro toddler self defence. There's a book in there somewhere..

You sound very stuck in your ideas, to the point I wonder if you are playing the wide-eyed, dumb foreigner on this thread. Interestingly having worked closely with a Swiss firm, and that isn't how I found my colleagues.

I'm wondering if your Mil has had her fill and is now reacting against it, especially considering that you said you thought she previously liked you.
Maybe you have met your match...

OP - is your MIL trying to say that she will call SS if you allow your child to make pointy sticks with a knife?
She sounds like someone who dislikes anything different so there's no pleasing her.

If someone called SS because your child was making pointy sticks then they would investigate as it's very unusual. It sounds like you would teach them how to do it safely but you would end up having to justify and explain it to them. In the UK, a knife is "normally" for cooking or crafts. There are children who do Scouts etc but their knife use would be something that SS could easily check.

Uh?
I would not say I'm stupid. I will admit to living mostly (not entirely) in a rather childfree bubble in the UK. The hunting knive-dagger-whatever-thing is probably somewhat specific to my own family. As I mentioned above because my dad was for some reason convinced that they're safer than Swiss army knives (because of the closing). .. I know how to chopwood because I used to live in a house with wood heating at that age.

I personally see it as me realising how rude MIL actually is and not being ok with it anymore. Oh, I've met my match really often. Certainly my mum, my OH, my ex gf whose my bestfriend, a good work colleague... These are the people I treasure the most, actually.