I just hit DP

[Icklepickle101]

I feel awful.

DP had been prodding me and poking me all through dinner, he found it funny, I didn't and after telling him and telling him to stop I hit him in the face. At the dinner table. In front of my parents. Now I've stormed off and am sat feeling sorry for myself and like a horrible horrible person and he's just told me if I ever hit him like it again he will hit me back

What the fuck have I done.

We have never ever ever been violent towards each other and he is honestly an amazing man. I just don't know what to do or how to make things right.

Yes milky.

I see the whole scenario in my place of work every day.

The difference being they're children and mostly autistic. So don't do very well with receptive communication. And enjoy the reactions they get.

So we have to go over it daily.

None of it was acceptable.

So far only the op seems to see this, we don't know if the dp can see that his actions are unacceptable.

This is where the couple need support.

Exactly, in many scenarios (this one included I believe) it's absolutely NOT 'just playing'

Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who a) doesn't listen to you and continues to do something you are uncomfortable with, and b) threatens you with violence

She has stated that he's a very good man.

Dacc everyone has the capacity to be violent.

She immediately recognised it was appalling.

He threatened to do more.

This is worrying imo.

Sorry for disappearing, I went to bed after feeding DS and have been to the GP this morning and been prescribed some anti depressants and a cbt course.

1. I am not a troll
2. Hitting my partner in reaction to him Poking me does not make me an unfit mother or put my baby at risk, thank you very much.

DP stayed on the sofa and came in this morning to give me and DS a cuddle. He apologised for antagonising me, said he didn't realise he was hurting me and was just messing around. Lesson learned, stop means stop.

My parents are incredibly supportive, mum was trying to excuse my behaviour as it was so out of character for me, but at the time her words were hurtful, she had seen a pregnancy test in the bin and made assumptions.

Me and DP are going to try and have a night away and have some is time. Since having DS we have knocked out house down and started again, which is stressful enough, with living with my parents and a little baby thrown in to the mix we haven't had any us time and things are tense.

Thank you for being there when I needed support

Why are people ignoring the fact that if she can be violent at the dinner table under provocation then she can be violent elsewhere in the home under provocation, such as the nursery.

If you read my previous point - you could say the same about him.

If he threatens hitting back, what happens when the child starts hitting? Will he get threatened with violence too?

I'm so glad ickle. It's sooooo good you can both reflect. You will go far - keep reflecting, keep supporting one another.

I have tears of relief for you.

She has stated that he's a very good man

And? He's obviously not though is he

How many threads on here do you see where domestic abuse victims, at some point in their Op say 'but he's a really good man'

I'd say at least 80% of them

And their not good men are they? No, no they're not.

Dacc i think it's a massive stretch to imply she 's a danger to her child based on this one incident. It's just as bad as the others making up the background story.

I'm glad to hear that ickle I hope you can sort this out and it doesn't happen again

ickle - though does he recognise it's wrong to threaten to hit back?

i think it's a massive stretch to imply she 's a danger to her child based on this one incident

I don't, I really think she needs to talk to someone as soon as possible.

All the best, Ickle, glad it worked out.

Ickle glad to hear you so much more positive today. Well done for getting help,regardless of this incident sounds like you need it. I really hope you can both have some time together and reconnect and move on from this. It sounds like everyone is tressed and on edge x you both admitted you were wrong,and learned some important lessons last night (mainly him that stop means stops) x

DH hates being poked. Literally hates it.

If I poked and jabbed him repeatedly after being told to stop, and he hit my face, I'd feel like an absolute twat, and I'd be apologising.

Obviously so would he, but it would be my fault too, because when you poke and jab people when they don't want you to, they tend to feel attacked - and people who feel attacked lash out sometimes.

Fact of life. Regardless of gender. Human nature.

I don't, I really think she needs to talk to someone as soon as possible.

Don't you think her husband does too?

Good luck ickle, unfortunately I think you're going to need it. You've been posting for a long time in such a way that I personally think you're better off without him.

I am glad you worked it out and hopefuly he's learnt to listen too the word stop.And that his threat of violence was wrong.best wishes

Yes Mavis. It's about respecting personal space.

ickle that's great to see you back on the thread. I thought that we had managed to scare you out of the thread.
I'm also happy to see he came back home not so drunk that you couldnt tell him to go on the sofa. Nor for him to not be able to see that his role in the situation.

You seem much stronger today. That's great :)

Well done for being on top of this going to the Gp is great your life atm is stressful your partner went to far the whole thing went to far good luck to your family ickle

Well done ickle and your DP. Of course, you've both had your free go for this lifetime.

I'm glad it's sorted OP.
I'm also glad you got to your GP have some medication.
Your life right now is very stressful as is your DP's.
Some time away together would be a good thing.
Love and cherish each other.
As you say 'lessons learnt'!
Try not to dwell on it now.

DP stayed on the sofa and came in this morning to give me and DS a cuddle. He apologised for antagonising me, said he didn't realise he was hurting me and was just messing around. Lesson learned, stop means stop.

I really hope so, even if the apology and realisation came late.
And I hope you do know what to do if he repeats it.

It's good that you have sought help, but it looks like he may need to as well if he thinks that overstepping your boundaries (regardless of thinking you were hurting or not) is ok.

Mavis, that's well said. Succinct and straightforward: when you,poke and jab people when they don't want you to, they tend to feel attacked - and people who feel attacked lash out sometimes.

Ickle, that's worth committing to memory and spelling it out to your dp. Good luck. You have a lot of balls in the air atm, and you need your h to make you feel supported not attacked.