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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just hit DP

455 replies

Icklepickle101 · 13/06/2016 19:28

I feel awful.

DP had been prodding me and poking me all through dinner, he found it funny, I didn't and after telling him and telling him to stop I hit him in the face. At the dinner table. In front of my parents. Now I've stormed off and am sat feeling sorry for myself and like a horrible horrible person and he's just told me if I ever hit him like it again he will hit me back

What the fuck have I done.

We have never ever ever been violent towards each other and he is honestly an amazing man. I just don't know what to do or how to make things right.

OP posts:
scousesal · 14/06/2016 09:44

Play fighting is supposed to be pretend ,he was hurting her and knew it .Not my idea of fun times.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 09:45

How would you all react if this wasn't her DH and just a random man in the street at a bus stop?

She tells random man to stop repeatedly

He doesn't

She hits him ( we don't know how hard, whether it was a punch or a slap or whatever)

Is it self defence because it's a stranger? Or is it still unacceptable? Hmm

Dacc · 14/06/2016 09:46

he was hurting her and knew it

That's pure supposition on your part.

pinkstarsarefalling · 14/06/2016 09:46

DP had been prodding me and poking me all through dinner, he found it funny, I didn't and after telling him and telling him to stop I hit him in the face.

Sounds like quite a long time to me. Sitting down while eating. In front of HER parents. Not a muck about game in the kitchen. Immature behaviour.

Does NOT excuse her reaction. Which she knows. His retort was wrong.
She needs help to know how to move on mn please.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 09:46

he had just been humiliated in front of his parents.

And that makes it okay to make violent threats? Riiiiiiiiiight

crystalgall · 14/06/2016 09:46

Actually dacc she does say he jabbed her hard in the stomach which sounds painful

Dacc · 14/06/2016 09:46

How would you all react if this wasn't her DH and just a random man in the street at a bus stop

I'd call the police.

This is a nonsense comparison.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 09:47

*I'd call the police.

This is a nonsense comparison.*

Why is it?

Should she have called the police on her DH then? Instead of hitting him.

pinkstarsarefalling · 14/06/2016 09:47

He was making a tit of himself in front or HER parents. She was probably feeling humiliated no mater who's parents. She was wrong to hit. He was wrong to threaten another hit.

Dacc · 14/06/2016 09:48

And that makes it okay to make violent threats? Riiiiiiiiiight

It gives him a degree of leeway for his remark. Just like the OP has been given leeway for her violence.

nauticant · 14/06/2016 09:48

Did the OP say anywhere that he hurt her?

No. This is what the OP actually wrote:

He was messing around, jabbing me in the ribs and thigh, just a childish game, I kept asking him to stop and he didn't, then I said please stop poking me again and he did it quite hard right in my stomach and I just flipped and hit him and then apologised and am sat in our room.

The hurt and pain are creative writing and were created to support a particular point of view.

pinkstarsarefalling · 14/06/2016 09:49

*matter

Sallystyle · 14/06/2016 09:49

Posters have to remember that the "game" was in front of the parents, it couldn't have been that bad.

Really? You might be surprised to learn that it means fuck all that he done it around others. Couldn't have been that bad? I have a condition that means if you poke me I am in agony. People might look on and see it as all fun and games but the truth is it would physically feel like a punch in the face to me.

Her parents may have thought it was fun and games but they weren't the ones being poked.

No where does she say she was hurt.

Try reading the thread before you reply Hmm

Dacc · 14/06/2016 09:49

Why is it?

Because play fighting may be a form of intimacy between the two people in a relationship.

Are you drunk?

scousesal · 14/06/2016 09:50

creative writing to say being poked hard in the ribs hurt .pretty logical IMO.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 09:50

It gives him a degree of leeway for his remark. Just like the OP has been given leeway for her violence.*

Doesn't make it right tho does it?

Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who a) doesn't listen to you and continues to do something you are uncomfortable with, and b) threatens you with violence?

I wouldn't

pinkstarsarefalling · 14/06/2016 09:51

NOT WHEN ITS NOT CONSENTING

milkyface · 14/06/2016 09:51

*Because play fighting may be a form of intimacy between the two people in a relationship.

Are you drunk?*

SHE ASKED HIM REPEATEDLY TO STOP

How hard is that to understand for fucks sake

It's not intimate is it if you're asking someone to stop

Jesus fucking Christ

RebelRogue · 14/06/2016 09:52

They were both victims and they were both perpetrators . They should both apologise,op already did, and talk about boundaries and how it got to it.

Sallystyle · 14/06/2016 09:52

he had just been humiliated in front of his parents.

Oh poor little him. He hasn't learnt that no means no and now he is all humiliated and butthurt that his partner responded back physically.

No means NO. Don't respect that then you only have yourself to blame for the fall out.

pinkstarsarefalling · 14/06/2016 09:53

Sorry.

Because play fighting may be a form of intimacy between the two people in a relationship.

Not when it's not consenting.

I'm taking my analogies of play fighting and tickling from "playful parenting" where there's quite an I felt look at how play fighting can hide bullying, and tickling being a particular method by which people do this. When it's NOT consented to. To me prodding is a bit like this.

milkyface · 14/06/2016 09:53

I can wholeheartedly say I would be saying exactly the same thing no matter what sex/gender the two people were

Hitting is unacceptable

Not stopping when being told to stop (the first fucking time!) is unacceptable

Threatening violence is unacceptable

TattyCat · 14/06/2016 09:54

Call the Police??? Really? FFS. They'd be really happy to be called out for someone being poked and retaliating. You know... they'd much rather deal with petty squabbles than that little old lady who's been mugged.

Then they could sit in the station for hours, filling out the necessary paperwork to record the fact that there had been a petty squabble. Even better if it's raining and they can be busy in the dry.

Sallystyle · 14/06/2016 09:55

Yes, my dad used to tickle me. It wasn't fucking funny. It was physically painful. People thought it was fun and games, but the anxiety it produced and the physical pain was not fun for me.

My dad was an arse. I think he knew exactly what he was doing to me. But good cover up isn't it? 'well, it's only playing'

Dacc · 14/06/2016 09:58

Why are people ignoring the fact that if she can be violent at the dinner table under provocation then she can be violent elsewhere in the home under provocation, such as the nursery.