Sick of miserable DP

[Justpulltheplaster]

Back from a disaster of a night away. Where would you like to eat? Not bothered. Shall we go to X? Whatever you want. Even what music do you want to listen to is answered with 'I don't care you choose'

Barely cracked a smile all weekend. Wanted to go back to the hotel early so we did. He was asleep in ten minutes. It was the first night we've had alone in ages, in central London and he couldn't suggest one fucking thing he wanted to do, see or eat.

Driving home and his mate calls, suddenly he's animated, laughing and chatting. I snapped and asked what his problem is and he said 'nothing I've had a good weekend'

Well he might have but I didn't. Get home and he disappears to the gym the instant we walk in the door even though the kids are clamouring to see him.

I honestly think I'd be better off alone. At least I wouldn't have another child to make every bloody decision for.

What a pathetic, lying, cowardly excuse for a human being. Stay strong OP. He really takes the cake.

Yes. Because I'm tired all the time and stressed apparently.

Oh that might be the 4DC dickhead

Eugh what a knob. Keep going with the radio silence!

Feel exhausted today. Think adrenaline has run out.

Indeed - it does deplete eventually.
Then you hit the lows.
It's crap but you will get through it.
Keep your sugar levels up.
Get out and about as much as you can.
God he's a cock of the highest order.
for you!

How are you today OP? Ok I hope. Fingers crossed you are able to get some decent sleep and also get some food down you. I used to live on those Knorr packets of chicken noodle/vermicelli broth and toast...

So sorry to read the update OP.

So he thinks you and he want different things ? Well yes, apparently you wanted to be an adult in a committed relationship with a child, and he wants to be a teenager running around social media with his pants down!

I think it's pretty clear who's going to be/is the better parent. Let's hope he gets turned over by some merciless Tinder Totty. And I agree, radio silence is the way to go.

I did an awful thing. Sorry for typos too much wine.

I hacked everything. The Facebook, the hotmail, the tinder account. All the conversations.

He was fucking someone else within 48hrs. I am destroyed. Reams and reams of messages to girls about how unhappy he was with me but wanted to stick it out for the baby. Meeting up with them this week. Telling them how beautiful they are. I am destroyed.

I broke radio silence and let him have it. With both guns. The more I text the more drunk I got the more he ifnored me. Cant stop shaking.

He's coming to get the baby at 8.30am. No idea how I will sleep.

I will truly never trust another man. A part of me is dead. This is the second time this has happened and I've no idea how I survived the first. How do they do this to people who love them? He had a family, children, a home. And he's thrown it away to fuck silly girls on tinder.

I can feel myself slipping off some kind of edge of sanity here. Morning seems so far away. I know you're probably all in bed but I need someone to talk to, even if its just an empty board. Can't even cry. Just feel nothing.

Feel so embarrassed at jollying him along in London. The whole time he was trying to figure a way out. It was my birthday gift to him.

I just can't do this anymore. I never want to see or talk to another man. Ever.

Oh Just, I'm still up. So very, very sorry.

He deserved every single word of your outrage. His ignoring you is his shame coming out. What's he going to say to you, he's been completely busted ? I hope he's squirming in his pit of filth, how dare he do this to you and your family.

I know what you mean about not being able to do this anymore. Well, bollocks to that whole relationship thing. What you can do, although you don't feel it now, is do the whole being a great mum and everything else you are to others in your life.

Your sanity is there, it's just struggling underneath your anger and hurt. I don't know how to explain why people do such shocking things to people they allegedly love. Just know this, you will never be that kind of person. You will live through and recover from this pain. He will never be a decent person. He will always be tainted and he'll take this into his future relationships. It's a stain on him forever.

Nicenewdusters, after all this is said and done i'm sending you a gift!

Dug out an old packet of fags and sat outside in the garden with a cup of tea trying to sober up for the morning. Theres no sleep coming to me tonight, but your words mean so much xxx

PS They are the first xxx i've ever given on MN in 7 years!

When it's this bad all you can do is get from minute to minute. Fags and tea sound like a good idea. With each breath out say to yourself, I will be ok, I can do this, fuck all of his bullshit. You sound stronger and truer than he could ever hope to be. And more of a real person in your own right. If you've been ok on your own with your children you can do it again, without the drag of this miserable cowardly cunt on your energy. We are here for you with support and admiration xx

No gift needed, you just sent 3, and to say I'm touched is an understatement.

It's so hard to reconcile the damage that people can do to you when all you've done is love them and try your best. I'm struggling with this myself at the moment, and it's making me pull away from people and things generally. I know this isn't the way to go though.

I don't want to go forward thinking the worst of people. I just need to find a way of approaching things differently, to try and protect myself better in the future. If I find a way I'll let you know !

Hope you have somebody to talk to tomorrow IRL. I think smoking, ranting and tea drinking are the way to go for now.

Thank you Free x

I've just advanced searched some of my threads from years and years ago when ex DH and I split up after his divorce. I barely recognise myself on them. Minute to minute is so true. Just trying to get through the night. Baby is here but other DC at ex DH's so at least they didn't witness drunken hacking breakdown.

Its just one of those nights where all the awful questions won't stop coming, why does this keep happening to me? is it something i'm doing? are all men like this underneath? was the whole thing just bullshit and fake? I know they are silly questions and if it was my mate asking them i'd say don't be ridiculous this isn't you this it them, but its so hard tonight.

I can't believe I was at my most vulnerable in front of this man. Giving birth, pregnant, breastfeeding, unguarded dancing in the kitchen. And all the while he was just thinking how to get out.

Its all so clear now I can see it, every bit of disinterest over the last year, every snub i'd written off as a bad day, every bad mood or gym trip. God he must have been sick of me and the kids.

I had walls up after ex. They've slammed back up again. This time i'm sticking some steel girders around them. And barbed wire. And big dogs. Not that anyone will be interested in a SAHM to 4DC anyway.

Just checked the time and so glad its nearly 2am. Not long to go now until the sun starts coming up.

Sorry for the ramble, just trying to get it all out.

Nice, i'm sorry that you are struggling too. My lovely friend in RL is also having such a hard time with the same stuff.

Know that I am sitting with you x

I'm sorry. He's checked out of the relationship.

Just didn't have the courtesy to tell you.

Get this dodo off your neck. Your life will become so much better (LP here).

Divorce should be affair in that message. Freudian slip!

My lovely cat has come and snuggled on my lap. Its so quiet here as we're really rural. Having a loud cry in the garden, then suddenly realised how ridiculous I sounded when I looked up and a fox was stood there looking at me like WTF! It made me laugh! So maybe I have lost my sanity. Who knows?

ifly, I know, I was a LP for a long time. Such hard work though.

I'm grasping on to the positives. so far i've got

My food shop was cheaper this week
The shower doesn't need cleaning as much

Thanks Just. I think it's called a Long Night of the Soul, where you sit till the small hours mulling it all over.

My ex said to me, "so another relationship you've been in that's failed." Thanks for that ! I said yes, because once again I chose somebody who wasn't what they appeared to be.

I now know I'm a rescuer. I'm not going to decide I now want to be rescued - I so don't - but I'm not out with my lifeline anymore.

I love your description of the girders/dogs/barbed wire to guard you now. I feel the only way I would/could have a relationship now would be if it meant it's ending made no material difference to my life. Emotionally that would be a different matter, but I couldn't share my home again, entwine him into my friends/family.

I think the fact that people like you and I have and will carry on is because we can trust people, be vulnerable with them and are honest. You were very brave to trust again and take a risk. He has been a huge coward in not telling you earlier how he felt. He's lucky to have known you, I doubt he'll be so lucky again.

Nice, yes, I would never expose my children to that kind of pain again. DD asked me if I would get another boyfriend and I said no. She said 'but won't you be lonely mummy', god the pain.

More positives for you:

Communing with small mammals in your back garden
Late night tea drinking and smoking
Only a fox knows you've lost your marbles
You can keep wearing your big post-baby pants

Yes, children are so kind, aren't they ? My dc have both said that they'd like me to meet somebody else (split from their dad just over a year ago).

I was stunned. I told them I didn't think they'd like that. They gave me a look as if to say why wouldn't they ? Their goodness and love helps to compensate for the disappointment and ill feeling. It is so painful though, as you say, to see the impact upon their lives.

Drizzling here so snuggled up with the baby in bed, curtains open just watching the trees.

Yes they are so innocent. My friend said to me we are modelling good relationships to them. In her case leaving an abusive marriage. I hope that's the case.

You may have said earlier but what caused your relationship to fail? Don't answer if you don't want to obviously!

I've typed a long note on my phone of all the things I disliked about him. Some of them silly some of them serious (mostly the tinder stuff). I will look at it before texting again.

I feel no need at all to stalk any of his stuff again. It was horrifying seeing someone you love having those types of conversations with other women. Truly awful.

Ironically he started each one with "wow you have beautiful eyes". Original. Or not so original when you've sent it to 20 other women.

The first girl he slept with 48hrs after going by their messages he has blanked since! I feel kind of bad for her actually. At least I don't have the sole monopoly on his nastiness.

Oh OP this is so eerily familiar, although thankfully I didn't have a baby with the fuck end. I'm so sorry you and your children are having to go through this because some manchild would rather get his dick wet than face up to the reality of life with a small baby. I found my exH just couldn't grasp life didn't look like the beautiful baby magazine shots that he'd built up in his head, and then new exP eventually felt the same. Just bad luck.

Rest assured, YOU are the constant in your children's lives and YOU will be the one showing them how strong women are and how to deal with life's set backs. You'll be raising feminist, resilient children and have the pride that you were able to take the worst of knocks and get back up again.