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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

1003 replies

tanyadm · 06/06/2016 22:38

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP
OP posts:
Outnumbrd · 08/06/2016 16:14

Yes Tinder is good! Lots of dates but I think I need to be more picky in the first place as I haven't really felt a spark with any of them on meeting!
Just come back from a coffee date, but just not feeling it, so quiet.
Got one tonight too, he's here for a short time, is he married in his home city? I asked, he said no. He looks hot, better stay off the wine later! Blush

Vriksasana · 08/06/2016 16:23

Mr eloquent was the IDWAR right? Thought he was happy to banter ad infinitum online. Did you meet up in rl?

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 08/06/2016 16:58

That's the fella Vriksasana We've bantered and sexted on and off since Oct and he was super sweet and lovely after Bacon, commiserating with me about lying bastards on Tinder. Oh the irony...Hmm
No, he'd never meet up. Bloody obvious why now. When we first started chatting, I wasn't over Mr2015 and more than a bit fragile, mentally, so it's actually a really good thing we never did!
Anyway, he's not replied to the message I sent this morning so I strongly suspect that's the last I'll hear from him.

Yay to the CM date tomorrow tanya!

Jubilee Welcome and ignore what I have put above about lying bastards on Tinder. It is a good site. There are lying bastards everywhere. And some good guys too, which is why we carry on doing what we are doing...

Outnumbrd Good luck with your date tonight. Hope it's a bit more sparky.

Help201602 · 08/06/2016 17:53

Good luck tonight outnumbrd! Definitely take it easy on the wine, I need to follow that advice too lol

I didn't like tinder found I only swiped yes twice, due to distance and lack of attraction, maybe I'm too fussy :(
A guy messaged me today asking me for dinner next week, no chatting, not much on his profile, picture looks ok but I don't know anything about him????
Also I saw the guy who let me down Saturday as I walked past his work, he txt to say "You look nice today X", I haven't replied, so so tempted to say "but not nice enough for that second date though?" I shouldn't should I???

whatam1doing · 08/06/2016 18:18

I'm finding tinder hard work lots of matches either no replies to my initial hello or convos over a day or two then just silence ! No chance do arrange dates or even find out where they live

jubileepancakes · 08/06/2016 18:23

Do you get matched with Facebook friends who also have tinder?

Outnumbrd · 08/06/2016 18:57

Oooh jubilee yes, a random guy I went to college with who's on my fbook messaged me to say he's swiped right on me on Tinder! Hmm

jubileepancakes · 08/06/2016 19:27

I guess that can be a good or bad thing then. I think my exh is on it Confused

ashmts · 08/06/2016 20:39

You won't get matched with anyone. They might show up but you just swipe left and they have no way of messaging you. You can only match if you both say yes.

Freaky Eloquent sounds awful. Definitely someone who's been caught out. Maybe it's good timing cos now you can focus on Doofus?

I did message him last night. He read it an hour later and didn't reply. I did think about the possibilities and basically - if he'd said yes then ideal, if he'd said no then at least I knew and if he didn't reply I'd know and also he's rude. I was feeling quite good about taking control but I have to admit, I do feel a bit shit now. How can someone you've been quite friendly with at work, chatted to over a period of months and then messaged to ask out just ignore you? It was dragging in forever though and I couldn't stop thinking about him so I needed to know.

Outnumbrd · 08/06/2016 21:02

Yeh you don't get matched unless you both swipe right. I have seen a few 'common connections' friends of friends from facebook.

Outnumbrd · 08/06/2016 21:03

Waiting for tonights date to txt he's here, I'm not leaving til he does. He's 3 mins late, really fancy that wine

TrafficJunkie · 08/06/2016 21:32

Good luck with dates everyone 😀
If I see postie again I'm going to say hello.

Found out today one of my RL irons had a stroke. The one I was a bit "meh" about a date on Saturday.

Have come off dating sites due to chatting on the phone with a lovely guy from POF - everything going for him, even materialistic stuff like money - but then he told me on our second "phone date" that he lived in a hotel so he doesn't have to clean or wash his clothes, and that he likes escorts. And hires then regularly. High class bookers I mean. Pffft. That really put me off.
But I'm considering Tinder again. Fresh new start and all that.

CarrotMuncher · 08/06/2016 21:38

Hi all! Here's my first grumble...

So I've been on a few dates with a guy (I can't think of a fancy nickname!!) and went really well. He seems keen and I guess I quite like him. He went away this week and I wasn't expecting much seeing as it's not been long but last 2 days he's been just as chatty as normal. I even got a lovely message off him yesterday saying 'I normally find dating really hard work and barely ever like girls, im really fussy, but you must be exactly my type because I dont get that with you' ... Aww how sweet I think and reply... We set up another date for when he gets back and pretty much straight away...just barely anything. He was texting but it was just pretty pointlesss, he didn't really seem that interested but I figured well he is on holiday. But my last message in reply to him first thing this morning, and nothing! He's been posting on his snapchat but no reply for little old me.

Sensible me says he's probably just enjoying himself and to leave him be, go with the flow and see what happens when he gets back

But the clingy needy girl in me can't help but think he's obviously met someone on holiday and isn't interested in little old me anymore!!

Am I being daft? (I think i probably am but I can't help it. I am daft)

whatam1doing · 08/06/2016 23:22

Oh my goodness well things have suddenly picked up here someone on tinder actually holds a conversation one night and comes back the next ...wow. He seems really nice lives a bit away but not ridiculous. And pof guy who I christened plane man who id pulled back from as he was a bit forward to quick for me. Has been texting tonight and we have a date. It's a week on Saturday due to his shifts but hey it's a date. He's going to have to up his game though with his texts if I'm actually going to go! And I had a 31 year old of tinder ask for a date...in my defence his age was shown as roughly mine and the pic had 3 fellas on one teenager one young guy and one older I assumed it was the older one ...he was fit..however it was the middle one...also fit but too young. But confidence booster or what ...I'm 48 by the way

lastnicknamefree · 09/06/2016 08:28

Morning everyone! So much to catch up on!

Great to see some ol posters back with the new ones, a mixture is always really good on here.

tanya it's lovely to read your updates with cm I miss you on the FB page....

Waves to freaky

314 how are you!

traffic junkie I'm glad to see you here too, I would defo say something to postie I mean why not! Nothing to lose, no harm whatsoever. Wow about the iron having a stroke how awful! Do get back on tinder I met both my recent irons on there and I had successful dates with both..

jubilee tinder is great fun, no wading through a ton of messages from fat and balding 50 years olds, only ones you've actually liked yourself. Plus I find it great fun swiping and a bit of a buzz when you match!

outnumbred shame about the coffee date, but go you with 2 dates in one day! How was last nights one?

ashmts I've missed your story but sounds like you took the bull by the horns and did the right thing by sending that message. How do you feel now?

carrot that is tough, to go from that lovely message one day (how sweet was that) to fading off. But he's on holiday no way of knowing if lack of messaging means anything because it's not normal circumstances so just step away from your phone and keep busy until he comes back. You have date 4? Booked in right? So relax and look forward to that

whatamI ooh your iron pile just grew!! It always seems to work like this, nothing then BOOM a load comes along at once. So exciting! Enjoy and keep us updated

Anyone interested, I had a quick coffee date with a tinder guy a couple of weeks back and didn't feel any spark or chemistry so i sent him a thanks but no thanks message the next day. (He asked me for dinner after which would have been second date) I liked talking to him though, so we carried on messaging every day and fast forward a week I realised I actually really liked this guy! He had such a nice personality, his messaging was brilliant. Funny, consistent and very sweet too. So cut a long story short I asked him out again hoping there would be more (any) spark this time now I knew the person and my feelings had grown towards him. We met up Saturday night and it felt much better this time! Fast forward to the snogging and yes there were definately Sparks this time around! We've had another coffee date Tuesday and 4th date booked in for Saturday when he's going to be staying round...Eeek! Quite a lesson learned for me, you don't always need massive fireworks first meeting and can actually fall for someone's personality! Weird for me but it's going good so far, early days though obviously!

tanyadm · 09/06/2016 09:16

Aww, Last, yay for your iron, sometimes the slow burners are far more significant!

Not sure if I'm being paranoid about CM, but feel like he's cooled off towards me the last few days. Guess I'll find out tonight if it's just me being daft. Feels weird the tables being turned and me being the Labrador.....

OP posts:
Outnumbrd · 09/06/2016 09:42

Morning all! Traffic eeeuuggghhh, escorts and living in a hotel! that would really put me off!!

Last that's great that you got to know the Tinder guy and now feel something, maybe I should give yesterdays coffee date a chance?!

Last nights date, hmm not sure. Very polite, calm, hot, but something reminded me of my ex who was a complete controlling abusive nasty person. I don't know whether these are alarm bells that I recognise or I'm overly sensitive. He just seemed so controlled as if he thought about everything, every word, every gesture... But he's in the armed forces I've never met anyone in the army before maybe it's an army thing??!!

I have a RL silly crush, gonna call him Mr Emotional. I'm smitten with him and everytime we bump into each other at a party we dance, kiss and sleep together but no sex and no words exchanged in between these three times this has happened

PrizeyPrize · 09/06/2016 10:06

Oh this thread has picked up!! Must be something in the air....maybe all that sunshine.
Sassy, 314,Handy,Tanya,Waving,Jolly
, look forward to hearing your updates Grin
So my Slowburner couldn't tear himself away from his kids (ever )so we ended it. Shame because he was lovely but no prospect of an evening date was a bit frustrating. 4th date he asked me to tag along with him and his children Confused
However.... I have a date on Tuesday with MrGif...he is a Bumble hottie....10 years my junior Confused, he prefers older women, and well I think it would be rude not to, really, what with him being so fit and everything. Grin

Outnumbrd · 09/06/2016 10:16

Prizey 10 years younger..... Ok on monday I had a date with someone 10 years younger, we went to Tesco to get a bottle of wine (picnic date) and he got i.d'd Grin

PrizeyPrize · 09/06/2016 10:53

Outnumbrd .....bloody brilliant GrinGrinGrin. How did the date go?

Outnumbrd · 09/06/2016 11:09

Prizey look at my post about 3 or 4 back from here, I updated about last nights date Grin

Outnumbrd · 09/06/2016 11:10

Oh if you meant the picnic date... Nah!!

PrizeyPrize · 09/06/2016 11:22

Oh Outnumbrd Army guy does not sound very nice, my ex was also EA and I think it makes you very wary, not necessarily a bad thing though.
Shame about the picnic date.

tanyadm · 09/06/2016 11:36

I've gone from being really excited and happy about my date tonight to feeling really sick about it. ARGH.

OP posts:
PrizeyPrize · 09/06/2016 11:50

Why you feeling sick Tanya? Nervous?

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