We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

TJ - I say approach. Maybe the smile meant nothing, maybe he's seeing someone, we just don't know. But what do you have to lose? I feel like if we all just grabbed the opportunities and stopped overthinking things we'd not get as emotionally invested. Easy for me to say, I know.

So speaking of emotionally invested. This guy from work that I matched with on Tinder (in February ffs!) who asked me for coffee last month then just barely replied and never mentioned coffee again. I saw him today. It was awkward. I'm really tempted to just message him and ask him out. I messaged him last Monday and he never replied though so I don't know, but in the interest of 'what do we have to lose?'???

Ooh gawd - lots of posts to catch up on! Welcome Carrot and any other newbies I've missed from skimming through... Yey WELCOME BACK trafficJunkie

tanya nope - No Twix Tues tonight he is literally working every hour and then some...

Hola all:)

Aww naw, Handy, that's a shame.

Hi I'm a newbie! Got a free week this week so really going for it on Tinder! Met 2 yesterday, just didnt fancy them and now they keep texting asking me if I fancied them, when can they see me again, it's just too much too soon even if I liked them!
Also if men dont put their height on the bio does that generally mean they are short? When do you drop it in conversation?

Evening all!

Thanks tanya for the new thread. Oooo, sounds like you are on the loved up bench.

handy how are you and twix doing?

And the other loved up ones? waving?

Update from me. Three irons, all met in RL.

mrcalm is still on the scene. As lovely and thoughtful as ever. However I need to break it to him that I don't want to date him. Variety of reasons.

cyber is someone I've known in RL for a while. He's asked me out and asked us to give a relationship a go. . I'm seeing him later this week but just don't think I'm ready for anything involving commitment.

mrwh met last week in a crazy busy pub. Instant chemistry and attraction. Easy company. We had a lot of fun. Seeing each other next week.

So for someone who said they weren't dating, i still have irons! So dating threaders, this really brings me to a clear conclusion. Bizarrely the less interested you are in dating, the more the men pursue. They so want the chase.

That means caring less about texting.
Not chasing up when/ whether you're going to see them.
Filling your time with fulfilling hobbies that you love.
And seeing them when it suits you.

I absolutely categorically cannot believe this.
When I put myself out there and made the time and space. This didn't happen. Now I've said 'right, no dating', this is me time. I'm being pursued to give dates I am free so they can take me for dinner!

I tell you, all those books! They are spot on!

Hello to everyone else on thread. I haven't been on for a while so will gradually come up to speed on everyones adventures!

Hi Y'all, it's 314 here. Handy , you're still with Twix then! brilliant! I've been getting more and more interested in yoga, obsessively! That's how I do everything. Going to the class still. I'm also listening to these really great hypnosis sessions atm. You listen to them for 8 hours overnight and they purr at you while you sleep you hear ''you are an amazing person who can handle any social situation'' and so on. I love waking up in the morning as you get a sense of having been in a really deep restful sleep and you can't help but wake up on command, and then open your eyes on command too! My self-esteem and my confidence and my positivity will be restored fully. They are already. I'm got so many things going on the next few weekends that dating would be an inconvenience, but I did tweak my profile earlier (on pof) in a very minor way. I thought it was good, but hmm, anyway, time for a change.

I have also dipped in to a few articles and clips on line about attracting unavailable men. Apparently if you weren't properly seen as a child, it can be a consequence. I noticed even the other day I said to my mother "I feel that..........." (can't even remember what it was) and she disagreed with me. So I discovered another guru, Mastin Kipp. He's clever, like a psychotherapist!

Is waving still with MTG? I hope she put up excellent pictures on fb on her birthday last month!

Hi tanyadm love the Bee Gees, love the thread title!

Thanks for all advice on Tinder. I'm going to sign up when I have an 'I feel confident and nosey' moment.

I've just updated on the old thread I didn't realise the new thread was 3 pages in!!

I'll copy and paste but it means I've missed loads of posts...

Hello everybody! Not much to update from me with Leicester as it's still going very well I feel legitimately allowed to be smitten now!

Lana it's always a good idea to do stalking before dates to check men are vaguely who they say they are. Urgh what an arsehole! And Freaky - MrEloquent !!

Ohchrist that all sounds really positive, he obviously wants to see you again even though there was a delay in replies.

tanya I'm very pleased to hear about your CM update, it's giving me a warm feeling it's well worth just letting it develop naturally. It sounds like you have trusted your instincts.

starskey good news for you with your dates .

I will update more on the new thread but just wanted to pop in quickly

Ah thanks drfox delighted you are smitten with Leicester

I'm also bit smitten, which scares me a bit as it's such early days.
Might not fancy me naked like ( yes I've fully lost the run of myself)

Woop! Hooray and hello to Vriksasana god I'm so excited to see you here! Also sassy - me and Twix are the same old same old - progressing at a snails pace but also having a lovely chilled time. Spent the day together last weekend which was delicious. Still big gaps in between when I go into pining. And wonder whether it's enough, then remember slow is good.. Ha!! Got lots of child free time coming up but can't broach it with him yet. That sounds bad but his work is literally crazy and I don't think he is thinking about anything other than how the hell to meet his deadline. Hooray for Waving good to hear things are still going well! Have you met his kids?

Yey more newbies too to outnumbrd and IDontWanna

Hello everyone

Just to update on last night. Secondly d date went really well

He (unsolicited) apologised for lack of texting and told me he is notorious for not keeping in touch via text. That his family and friends are always giving him shit about it. So...It's not just me then! It's something I'll either have to get used to, or it'll be a deal breaker. We'll see. For example he didn't text to see if I got home okay last night. Haven't heard anything from him. Do t know how to feel about that.

But...It went well. We had a good laugh and I think we click. I feel a bit excited about him but trying not to!

Hello Handy! Just fixed up a date for sat, a Thai restaurant, his choice, yum! Date from monday has already text me twice this morning plus several times last night, it's too much! Does he not realise this.

Ohchrist, my ex never texted me to see if I got home ok, and he was horrid and selfish! I mean there's the other extreme, I had one who thought it wasn't ok for me to walk alone at 8pm to meet him at a tube station (5min walk)! That was a deal breaker too! But to not text after a date to say hi how are you, I'm home are you? I'd be thinking he's a bit lazy/ uninterested. Good luck anyway hope I'm wrong!!

Gah, yeah I thought that. It's basic manners if nothing else. I'm not sure what to do about it really,if anything.

Hey OhC, so pleased your date was a success! Maybe if he recognises that communication is a failing, he will try harder.

Waving, that's fab about you and MTG. Love that after all this time he is still called MTG!

Sassy, thanks, making steps towards the loved up bench, Sunday will be a clincher, I reckon. And yes, Foxtrot, am glad I let my instincts take over and just accept I have genuinely strong feelings for him, instead of panicking about what might or might not happen. He's a gem.

Starskey, in my very recent experience (), the right man will fancy you naked and make you feel sexy and wanted regardless of your body image issues.....so don't worry about that!

General wave to thread, better go do some work!

Awe thank you tanya that's reassuring

Handy how do you survive the gaps? I've got a gap of a week coming up and I'm dreading it. I find that without face-to-face contact I get massively insecure, more so with each passing day. He texts regularly and we speak on the phone if there's a gap of more than about 3 days, but I still get anxious. Keeping busy doesn't help as I'm always busy anyway! It's crazy I know.

Hello! Nice to see some old faces back again!

Traffic Good luck with you RL irons. Nothing to be harmed by smiling at Postie if you see him again.

Idon'twanna and out Welcome!

ash Just think about the possible responses and how they might make you feel before you do anything. What's it going to be like seeing him round the office if he doesn't reply again?

Sassy Look at you with all your RL irons and being all non-datey and everything! So true about getting your life in order and not being overly bothered being the way to go.

314 Hellllooooo! So good to see you back. Glad you are enjoying the yoga so much.

OhChrist Glad your date went well but it sounds as though communication is still being a bit of an issue. I hope he ups his game on that front. I'm not sure about post-date texting. I keep seeing people who live miles away so they end up driving home after a date and I ask them to message when they get back to let me know they made it safely. I think if I was making my own way home after a day, I'd probably text to say I was back and thanks for a nice time, rather than waiting for them to text me. Not sure what the etiquette is on this!

Waving Glad things are still going well with MTG. What did Soho say?

Tanya and Foxtrot Pleased to see you are both still on the smitten bench!

I'm a bit of a confused mess this week.
Firstly, there's Doofus. He's lovely and has so much going for him...but I'm just not smitten. But we've only had three dates. The distance thing is indeed making things tricky. We won't see each other this weekend and mid week meets are difficult. And he's not the best messager.
However, he actually bloody phoned me last night! I sent him a quick "how was your day?" message and as he was driving, he called back. TBH, the phone call felt a bit perfunctory, like he was doing it out of duty and it was a bit awkward. But then he phoned back and said he was really gutted to not be seeing me this weekend, he'd been looking forward to hanging out with me and cuddles and breakfast in bed etc and was generally adorable.

I think I just need to relax and give this one time. Doofus is certainly relaxed and incredibly honest. He's a simple soul...says what he thinks and he's lovely to spend time with. Just wish I could see him more often. And now I have typed all that, I am feeling more smitten again! Confusion!

The other confusion is MrEloquent....who I keep picking like a great big festering scab. I messaged him yesterday to ask if he was married. He said no. I told him that I had found him on Twitter..so he blocked me on there. I asked him why he'd done that and he gave me this spiel about how he was freaked out that he was that easy to find and had suspended his account.

I know, I know, I know that I need to leave him the fuck alone. I don't even know what I want from him now. He just got under my skin in a major way and the fact that he's another lying Tinder cheat has really shaken me and I just want it not to be true.

So I decided Sunday was too far away to see CM, so trying to persuade him to go for a post-work drink tomorrow. Aye, think smitten is perhaps the word....

Freaky, Eloquent blocked you because he's a lying git and he's been caught out and he doesn't want his real life getting disrupted by his lies. BACK AWAY!

Doofus sounds lovely, and it sounds like things are progressing nicely. FOCUS ON THAT!

I've made my ex-H aware of the existence of CM, which.....feels like a step. He was watching the girls while I was on my date with BK on Saturday, so I'm totally honest about dating, but this is the first time I've given any indication of actually 'seeing someone'.

Luckily he's equally keen, so unscheduled CM date tomorrow.

Hi everyone. I've been lurking on this thread for a looooong time and reading all your stories with interest.

I've just started dabbling with OLD and have put a quick profile on a couple of sites (with no pic yet as I'm too scared) but I'm thinking about giving tinder a go as it's free mainly. Is it any good?