We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hi everyone, I've been AWOL bit - my head is battered, and I'm really not enjoying this OLD malarkey!

OhChrist - yes, the delayed texting drives me insane! Like you, I'm used to regular texting, and the blokes who leave it days sends me nuts!!
Tanya - oOoOoO that's all a bit good!!

Sorry I've missed loads of you out - so much to catch up on!!

I'm struggling at the minute tbh - I think IndieBoy is going quiet. I'm not getting morning texts anymore, and his texts are getting longer and longer apart (although fine when I do get them!)
I've got some other irons in the fire, but I don't know whether I'm really into any of them really.

Added to that, I met my ex for coffee, because he had some photos of mine I wanted. He's struggling with the split still. And suggested that we become friends with benefits (and DAMN the sex did used to be good!). I've said no, because it will just mess with our heads.

Arrrrghh.!

Thanks for new thread Tanya!

Yup...Rules 2 and 3 are definitely the hardest. I find it really hard to maintain a balance between hopeful optimism and being realistic. Being on this thread and sharing experiences helps a lot. As does generally having a good sense of self esteem and knowing what you are worth and are prepared to put up with! Oh and also getting your heart broken a few times toughens you up...

Ohchrist Please try not to overthink texts! Tanya's right, some people are just rubbish texters and you may need to lower your expectations. This is really early days, especially for things like goodnight texts. He could just be in the "texting to arrange dates" only mode, which is fair enough really but clashes with your style of messaging. Go with it for now, if you like him but you don't have to carry on if it really becomes an issue.

I want to add a new rule..."texting is not a relationship". I've been in so many situations of constant texting, feeling like I am really getting to know someone...only to find out that I don't really know them at all. Texting is nice and a good way to keep in touch between dates but it's no substitute for meeting and actually getting to know someone properly. It's really easy to build up a false sense of intimacy through messaging but it's not real...(bitter voice of experience speaking here...thinking of both Bacon and MrEloquent)

Handy Boo to the Twix drought!

Anyway, things continue well on the Doofus front, I think. Still not sure if we are meeting this weekend or not though. We do have plans to but he's got a family thing that he might have to do instead so am trying not to get my hopes up!

I've said it before (lots!) but I love Tinder. Easy to set up an account, easy to unmatch with people that you don't want to talk to anymore for whatever reason. You can't share photos so no unsolicited dick pics. It does link to your FB account but will not post on there. It'll just flag up if you have interests or friends in common which can be very helpful.

Thanks SkyRabbit, it's scary exciting admitting to how I feel about him, and the mutualness of it all. Because we had a spell of thinking we were just going to be friends, there's a lot of genuine closeness there, I absolutely love him as a person, and we've added to it that we can't apparently keep our hands off each other, and it's all a bit lush.

That's a shame about IndieBoy when he seemed promising. Defo don't take any backwards steps though....

Handy, is it not even Twix Tuesday today?

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Welcome, LTSM x

Hello all

He didn't text all day (neither did I ) but he's just text now to say "see you at 7"

So I'm getting ready. I have a huge zit. And I'm having a fat day. And I don't know what the fuck to wear in this weather!!

Aww, where you off to? Don't worry about a zit, whack some concealer on, wear whatever makes you feel good, and go have fun.

Hello everyone 😮😊 I've decided to come back. I'd put a lid on dating and everything to do with dating after becoming SICK of it and men in general. Plus I'd developed a crush on a gay friend 😂😂
Now that I'm over that little hump - ha - I'm ready to rejoin!!
Updates please!!

I've had nothing really. The date I went on never called for a second date - and I saw him in town today, he waved but I've still not heard from him so I guess he didn't enjoy himself!

I met a nice guy at the pub a couple of weeks ago - had a gorgeous dog so we'll call him Pugman. I was almost brave enough to go ask him if he wanted a drink but then he vanished 😂 As drunk people do 😀
Electrician is firmly out of the picture.
One iron I saw in another town near me and he messaged me to ask if it was me he'd seen. He wants to go out end of this week. I'm "meh" about it. I might go I might not.

I've seen a DELICIOUS looking postie in my area. Man, he is beautiful. AND he smiled at me on two seperate occasions. I said "hi" the second time but there was no chance to chat as he was passing me in a car.
He is very very beautiful. Probably out of my league!!!
I'm feeling particularly crap about my body lately. It's the heat. Means I have to dress differently!

Hey TJ, welcome back!

We're off to a nice local boozer. I've plastered my zit with concealer and i'll be bringing it in my bag! Wish me luck!

Good luck on the date ohchrist

What does anyone think about Postie? He's not my regular postman - I've seen him once on relief duty about 6 months ago. So I wouldn't have to see him around my house too often if things became awkward
Should I approach to ask for coffee/drinks? Does a smile mean anything at all?? I'm a bit disillusioned after what a poster said on the FB group - my already flimsy confidence is almost gone and I'm firmly believing I have no clue about how to tell if a man fancies you.

I don't think a smile necessarily means anything, he could just be being polite. On the other hand, if you've got nothing to lose - i.e. you don't have to see him every day, there's no harm in asking him out.

Have you thought of joining any groups etc, to meet people, where you could get to know people a bit better and find out more about them before putting yourself on the line? Might be a bit less confidence shredding?

I see plenty of people every day in town and they don't smile at me.
That's why I hoped it meant something more.

I'm not into meeting groups of people. I go out with friends sometimes. As I said I met a nice man at the pub. My friend said the guy liked me as he was making eye contact and smiling. But hey - looks like a smile man's nothing these days!

I'm not saying that it means nothing, just not that it necessarily means attraction - maybe he recognised you and was just acknowledging that. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe he does like you. Therefore, if you want to ask him out, do it.

You see in my mind, there are different ways of smiling at a person.
There are the professional smiles you give a person you meet at your job, or at the checkout etc.
Then there are smiles you may give a passer by on the street - these for me are massively different if you have no attraction for the person. I would, for example perhaps smile at a man to be polite if we've accidentally made eye contact, but I wouldn't hold eye contact with him, nor would I make an effort to smile. And I would deliberately not want to do it again so if I saw him another time I'd probably make an effort to avoid eye contact.
For a person I do like, I would make an effort to smile at them, ensure I made eye contact and hold it for at least 3 seconds and then start a conversation if it's possible to do so.
That seems normal to me???

This guy held eye contact for longer than perfunctory and in my opinion, men don't go about to make friends with women for no reason. Unless they are gay. Which is a possibility.

In a pub setting obviously it's more likely that someone is being flirtatious if they're making eye contact and smiling etc.

Well, obviously you've had enough of a sign to think he might potentially be interested, so ask him out if you get the opportunity?

Why is it more likely?

So even though Pugman from the pub and Postie from the street both acted in the same way it's different because of the setting?

Yes. Because people are more likely to be looking to meet someone in a pub than walking in the street. Especially if the pub man made eye contact etc more than once. But hey, listen, you've said that you have a sense of postie being interested, so GO FOR IT, rather than over-analysing.

Hi all...

I am making a tentative, a very tentative, return to the Dating Thread. I was on it a while ago with not much success.

I'm not dating at the moment. I'm not really interested in dating. I am interested in getting to a place where I am ready for a relationship. And I am interested in a man IRL. And, I'm not sure, but I think he might be interested in me too...

But I don't know.

And I guess that's where you guys come in...

I'll also try and offer the benefit of my experience where I can.

Looking forward to getting to know a whole new bunch of daters!