"Be a good wife"... be a good DH and F off!

[Just1945]

Sorry, fuming.

As a back story, married 15 years and 2 DC, early 40s and both professional and difficult careers. DH works standard 40 hours but often chooses to work late for various bullshit reasons and has an hour drive home so gets home lateish. I work a shorter 30 hours because I have no choice - have to do breakfasting, school drop off and pick ups. This means realistically that he is always the higher earner.

Because he is said higher earner, it is therefore my duty to "be a good wife", which I am reminded of constantly with that very phrase. I am expected to pick up after him, cook his dinner every day and wash his clothes and care for his children, as when he gets home they are basically almost in bed. Likewise he is too late home from work for after school activities and plays golf on the weekend so all that is my responsibility. Every football game, every netball game, every training session (3 days every week) and weekend matches are all down to me. When I ask when this is going to even out he tells me to "be a good wife" and dutifully complete his mundane tasks for him like I am his secretary and to shut up and get on. Apparently my time is worth less because I earn less. Well, not much choice because God forbid he take his share of caring for the children. I am of course reminded that should he be home early he could risk losing his job and various similar shit excuses (all non-legitimate, he is quite senior in his role and can find time for golf during the working day!)

He doesn't make me feel attractive and sleeping with him is a task. I just want to be left alone to sleep because I am exhausted. I am literally his second mother.

Anybody else have to put up with fucking man child please feel free to join in the rant! I find it so demeaning and that phrase just sets me off.

Lawn, any update on him interacting with you or the children? I am so inspired by your humour and will be delighted to hear that you have started a better chapter in your life. In your corner all of the way!

Gosh your MIL really is a nosy baggage, isn't she?

Busy day the solicitor rang me back and said I probably wouldn't be eligible for legal aid based on what info I had given. He said if I agreed to use them I would have to pay £500 up front and then another £500 odd for the petition as he has to have that in case I'm not given a fee break(?). I said there was no way I could pay as my body is too knackered to sell so he gave me the number of a lady from the university who works with lots of different charities for people with smaller incomes/no savings. We spent two hours talking on the phone and she told me not to worry, within about 40 minutes of putting the phone down the original solicitor rang me back saying it appears I may well be eligible! The lady had called them and 'put my case' as it were and that I'm not "to give him a dime" until I've been properly assessed I'm going to meet her tomorrow to look at what evidence I could provide before I see the solicitor on Monday. He never mentioned on the phone that I could show evidence from the GP and I had no idea I could do that.

DH did send one text to ask if I would send a photo of the DCs which I provided. Shame he can't come and see them himself? I made it clear I haven't excluded him from the house. dipshit

I told mil I would be seeing a solicitor next week and that I will be delivering his dogs to him/her tomorrow morning '9am sharp' as I have an appointment with my charitable guardian angel

According to the OP, MIL sent Dave to boarding school.

Then she left him to the OP

Might be an opportunity to "test" those mothering skills.

I suspect it won't last past "half term".

Upshot I give it a week before Dave and his Mum try and "broker" some "mancare",

There should be public warnings attached to gross fannies like this pair, to save anyone else getting caught up in their twisted lives.

A marvellous idea.

Maybe a weekly programme like watch dog, only aptly renamed - showing/warning others of potential pricks. Perhaps with a wall of shame. Top twat of the week.

Well done OP

Glad to hear you're dropping off the dogs with MIL- very wise move. And all sounds promising on the legal front too.

I'd watch Top Twat!

Pure entertainment -

Can they have a Twat Hat?

Thanks all I am wondering why the thread is still active as I did request it taken down as I think others have done for me also. I think I will have to request again as the lady suggested I take it down, although she did have a pretty big giggle at our carry on mil hasn't text me back so I can only assume that she hasn't been back to check up on us

I'm going to slip 'gross fannies' discreetly into my vocabulary, ahem

Good going Justine/Lawn Let us know how MIL deals with dog delivery Is it too early for wine there - what the hey, here's to you and your New Life

Were you told you might be eligible for legal aid, Lawnmower? How would that be?

I didn't mention it earlier in the thread but I was signed off work for some time with depression due to the financials and his behaviour, I was quite honest with my doctor (of 10 something years) and said it was due to DH borderline breaking me emotionally, I also had a termination which DH made clear he wanted me to have just before this. According to solicitor that is relevant, he did say he would look closely and then advise me further after he's seen my gps notes, as far as I know the reason was recorded as I had quite a strong prescription and referral for counselling (DH refused to attend but I did). This was last year.

Let me get this straight, you told your doctor about the abuse and he referred you for couple's counselling?!

No, I was referred myself as it was to talk about the termination. I would have liked DH to come with but he didn't I only went to two sessions as I actually couldn't handle it emotionally. Sorry wasn't very clear there.

Ah no worries, thanks for explaining.
Tbh it's better that your husband didn't go. Couple's counselling is not recommended when there is abuse.
You need individual counselling for yourself, and his presence would totally undermine that.

I wanted him to go because I wanted him to realise that it severely damaged both me and our marriage, I was obviously upset and angry at home but he was very dismissive and wanted to forget about it while I felt so..horrible.

Will I have to go to mediation? I didn't think to ask that!

Lawnmower, our of interest, was your termination around the time that your wonderful MIL was bullying you about not having any more children?

You absolutely need to leave these people on your past. Your husband is abusive, cruel and a bully. The apple clearly hasn't fallen far from the tree. You are worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS

No you won't have to go to mediation, you will be exempt because of his abuse. Check with the solicitor but I'm 99% sure.

Coincidentally dino the pestering about no more children started about 4 weeks after. So the fucking bitch obviously knew from DH, I didn't tell her.

Nevermind. Susan is very fertile she will provide me with many more offspring because my womb is fucked

Glad to see your update re the solicitor. We've had some laughs on this thread, but your latest posts just underline what a hugely detrimental effect one individual can have on another. Having been through EA myself it still never ceases to amaze me. Light at the end of the tunnel though.

Perhaps this thread refusing to allow itself to be deleted is a metaphor for your struggle, let's hope so ?!

Thanks Emma, he is such a manipulative little fuckbag im sure I would come across as an evil witch in mediation. He is very cool and calm in front of others where's I am my usual flagrant self

Bloody hell, your MIL is a piece of work ! What a truly horrible time that must have been for you.

Dusters it's just my luck, things never piss off when I tell them to! Hopefully it may at least give insight or encouragement to someone else, I still maintain I have been relatively lucky and never been clonked round the chops or physically abused, but shit comes in all shapes and sizes.

You're awesome, LawnmowerLadies1945

Just wanted to let you know before this thread is vaporised.