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Original poster

"Be a good wife"... be a good DH and F off!

628 replies

Just1945 · 04/06/2016 23:14

Sorry, fuming.

As a back story, married 15 years and 2 DC, early 40s and both professional and difficult careers. DH works standard 40 hours but often chooses to work late for various bullshit reasons Hmm and has an hour drive home so gets home lateish. I work a shorter 30 hours because I have no choice - have to do breakfasting, school drop off and pick ups. This means realistically that he is always the higher earner.

Because he is said higher earner, it is therefore my duty Hmm to "be a good wife", which I am reminded of constantly with that very phrase. I am expected to pick up after him, cook his dinner every day and wash his clothes and care for his children, as when he gets home they are basically almost in bed. Likewise he is too late home from work for after school activities and plays golf on the weekend so all that is my responsibility. Every football game, every netball game, every training session (3 days every week) and weekend matches are all down to me. When I ask when this is going to even out he tells me to "be a good wife" and dutifully complete his mundane tasks for him like I am his secretary Hmm and to shut up and get on. Apparently my time is worth less because I earn less. Well, not much choice because God forbid he take his share of caring for the children. I am of course reminded that should he be home early he could risk losing his job Hmm and various similar shit excuses (all non-legitimate, he is quite senior in his role and can find time for golf during the working day!)

He doesn't make me feel attractive and sleeping with him is a task. I just want to be left alone to sleep because I am exhausted. I am literally his second mother.

Anybody else have to put up with fucking man child please feel free to join in the rant! Envy I find it so demeaning and that phrase just sets me off.

OP posts:
trackrBird · 04/06/2016 23:51

"Be a good wife"? A list of things to do?

What kind of man is this?

One thing I am certain of, he is a lot worse than a man child OP. A lot worse.

DistanceCall · 04/06/2016 23:51

You allowed this to happen. Sorry.

Are you going to continue to allow it?

PhylumChordata · 04/06/2016 23:52

He actually wrote those words? There's something wrong with him.

What about being a good husband?

What a cunt

SpaceDinosaur · 04/06/2016 23:53

FWIW my DH uses "good wifey" to bait the bear... My response is typically "honey, if you wanted someone to just be a Good Wife you should have married someone spineless...now go do the laundry"

Sorry OP, not calling you spineless, just how our "banter" has played out over the years

Original poster
Just1945 · 04/06/2016 23:54

Arsehat Grin I will use that next time as "prick/bastard/child" is getting a bit monotonous Envy although he says my vocabulary is "very common". His posh boy accent gets on my fucking nerves and I admit I had a flagrant upbringing, probably why he has lost his sense of humour and I haven't.

I am very non confrontation and secretly very traditional. I really don't want to break up my marriage but sadly the other person in said marriage is a complete knob Sad

OP posts:
Lweji · 04/06/2016 23:55

The question, as often is, is where are your boundaries and what are you prepared to do about them?

inabizzlefam · 04/06/2016 23:55

Okay, mine earn't enough to pay the mortgage on a 4 bed detached house in a nice area and only worked 4 half days per week (played gold the rest of the time).
Other women having spotless houses? Got that too, usually cos he fancied the arse off them so not really spotless house, just used that as a stick to beat me with.
Higher earners are fine if they are putting in the hours, but high earners who have a lot of free time is another thing completely.
Good dad? Mmmm, my STBXH is always putting pics of him and DCs up on Facebook at the Park, playing Trivial Pursuit, etc. Except my DD tells me the truth......Dad on the park for 5 mins, takes pics, buggers off back home to watch TV (lives on same street as Park)......Dad playing Trivial Pursuit with them....DD says he is also watching TV and Facebooking at same time, so not really participating.
It's amazing how these "great Dads" can give a very different picture to their public to the real one their DCs see.

nicolasixx · 04/06/2016 23:55

Well goodness. My DH has his moments of this but I couldn't put up with what you do. It's got to be LTB.

Marchate · 04/06/2016 23:56

Truly, you must leave him. He is useless to you and his children. Cheer yourself up with the thought of him ironing his own shirts while eating a ready meal. Delicious!

Original poster
Just1945 · 04/06/2016 23:57

I have sought advice from a solicitor and I know I could walk away with what I deserve and the DC wouldn't go without financially, is qualify for childcare and all these others things but yes you're exactly right I am spineless Blush very much so.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 04/06/2016 23:58

Reading your posts is giving me the most incredible rage.

I recently divorced a dinosaur man who was not even close to being as openly disrespectful as the comment on that list Angry

He can only continue to get away with this if you stay to put up with his shit.

PatriciaHolm · 04/06/2016 23:58

But you don't have a marriage.

You have a servant/master relationship. You do what he tells you to.

What kind if relationship education is that giving your kids?

blowmybarnacles · 04/06/2016 23:59

Fuck him, tell him t be a god husband, do to him what he does to you.
Text him each day with his father / husband duties.

This is one of he worst wanker 'DH' shit I've ever read.

Original poster
Just1945 · 05/06/2016 00:01

Inabizzle I do get the idea that he fancies one particular friend with the immaculate house, so you're probably right there. She's might more attractive than me (I had a particularly botched c section so a distaster all round at the moment!) so of course he's going to look. That and I don't want to be anywhere near him obviously.

Funnily enough he would have to iron his shirts because his mother would do them, she always tells me I'm shit at ironing anyway so just as well Hmm

OP posts:
HeartsofOak · 05/06/2016 00:01

So get the list and bin it.

Seriously, stop enabling him. Next weekend be up and out before his effing golf. Leave the kids with him and a list identical to his. Tell him to be a good husband.

And on that day, spend some of that precious money on anything as long as it is for you.

Go back on Sat eve, and if his reaction is shit tell him it's over. But you might be surprised.

This person is taking the piss and walking all over you. But you might just need to stop him by standing up to him. However if he sulks and is a twat then you'll know it's LTB or accept more of this.

Creatureofthenight · 05/06/2016 00:01

I honestly do not know how or why anyone could put up with this.
You aren't his wife, you're his maid.

Original poster
Just1945 · 05/06/2016 00:02

*wouldnt have to
*much more

I have a new smart phone which appears to be smarter than me Hmm

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 05/06/2016 00:02

He wrote you a list of stuff to do whilst he plays golf
Top of my list would be quickly pack his stuff and put outside
How can you stand it?

LadyLapsang · 05/06/2016 00:02

He behaves like this because you let him. If you don't like it at the very least you can stop doing his laundry and have a few days out or go away for a few days leaving him with the DCs.

Original poster
Just1945 · 05/06/2016 00:03

Oak I have tried that tactic before when I have needed to pop into work (15 mins away) say to print a document. He's on the phone EVERY 10 minutes when he is alone with the children (almost never) until I'm back. its intolerable.

OP posts:
Elizabethreallyismissing · 05/06/2016 00:04

What do you do for a job Justine? How would you deal with someone at work talking to you like this?
If someone at work was so disrespectful & sexist what would you do about it?

PhylumChordata · 05/06/2016 00:04

Just sod the list and take the dc to the seaside.

Next weekend is his turn to have dc. Go out.

God he sounds awful. And abusive. No wonder your brother is worried

Ginkypig · 05/06/2016 00:05

It comes down to this.
Forget about your shared history. It's nice to think about but that life doesn't exist anymore!

Imagine a life where you do everything you do now but without anyone making you feel so small and insignificant, a world where when your exhausted you can crawl into your own bed that you don't have to share or you can sit and have a glass of wine after the kids are in bed and no one makes you feel like a bad mother because the chores arnt done or better yet no one has wrote a list like your a fucking child a world where finally you are important and ok just for being you!

I'm sorry but I'm so angry for you!

inabizzlefam · 05/06/2016 00:06

Fine, let his mother iron his shirts, if she's stupid enough to.
honestly, it took me years to get out, but I knew the only reason I was there was to service him.....cook, clean, shop, care for DCs, give blow jobs.

Original poster
Just1945 · 05/06/2016 00:06

I'm a financial advisor and so is DH, although his lordship is much more senior than I am despite us qualifying in the same year. If I saw it at work I wouldn't know what to do, much like I don't know what to do now Sad I know, spineless and useless, I know!

OP posts:
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