"Be a good wife"... be a good DH and F off!

[Just1945]

Sorry, fuming.

As a back story, married 15 years and 2 DC, early 40s and both professional and difficult careers. DH works standard 40 hours but often chooses to work late for various bullshit reasons and has an hour drive home so gets home lateish. I work a shorter 30 hours because I have no choice - have to do breakfasting, school drop off and pick ups. This means realistically that he is always the higher earner.

Because he is said higher earner, it is therefore my duty to "be a good wife", which I am reminded of constantly with that very phrase. I am expected to pick up after him, cook his dinner every day and wash his clothes and care for his children, as when he gets home they are basically almost in bed. Likewise he is too late home from work for after school activities and plays golf on the weekend so all that is my responsibility. Every football game, every netball game, every training session (3 days every week) and weekend matches are all down to me. When I ask when this is going to even out he tells me to "be a good wife" and dutifully complete his mundane tasks for him like I am his secretary and to shut up and get on. Apparently my time is worth less because I earn less. Well, not much choice because God forbid he take his share of caring for the children. I am of course reminded that should he be home early he could risk losing his job and various similar shit excuses (all non-legitimate, he is quite senior in his role and can find time for golf during the working day!)

He doesn't make me feel attractive and sleeping with him is a task. I just want to be left alone to sleep because I am exhausted. I am literally his second mother.

Anybody else have to put up with fucking man child please feel free to join in the rant! I find it so demeaning and that phrase just sets me off.

Oh god I also get the Asian Dating ones ! Am too scared to ever click on though so don't know why I've been targeted.

Do you mean Susan has 4 llamas or 4 children ? Either way you're going to need a big old homestead.

As for the mower, I do like a tot of rum so will bring my hip flask

Rum! You can most certainly join the club Susan has four children, four dogs, 12 hens, 3 pigs and a goat. I might just take the goat

Someone in the inter web obviously thinks you and I both need a voluptuous Thai lady

Ladies On Lawnmowers - LOL

Can anyone else see this as a sitcom?

I've checked back on this post lots of times to get updated! Was lol when reading that they'd been reading all this too! Love how you're handling this.. and hope the daily mail and then this morning pick up on this! They could do a feature on the ladies on lawnmowers.. ! Wishing you all the best.. im sure this bit, although hilarious to us, is bittersweet for you..so I'm sending a hug.. A x

I like a Thai green curry but I'd have to draw the line there.

I didn't see Susan as an animal lover. That's a busy old life she has. I don't think she'll have time to fit you in, what with your mid life lesbian crisis. You'll have to settle for the goat. Though god only knows what websites that will generate !!

Thanks ladybird, I hope we start a national movement for all deprived lawnmower enthusiasts

I have to say I am finding the transition difficult (ladies are very demanding you know) and so maybe I do need a goat to practice on too much?

Yes Cody, I too can see Ladies on Lawnmowers as a sitcom !

Or perhaps something along the lines of Allotment Challenge, or Great British Sewing Bee ?

You have your own customised ride on mower. Then, after drinking a pint of your chosen spirit, you have to drive around Susan's small holding (that's not a euphamism !) avoiding various obstacles, such as the OP's husband's golf clubs, a 6 foot high note saying "Be a Good Wife" and strategically placed llamas and emus.

The winner gets a weekend away with the OP's MIL and their stairs hoovered for life.

I will delete this thread in the morning and change my username, I was going to choose DirtyKnickersDave but I think that may be too obvious

I have just read the entire thread!
At the beginning Just I was preparing myself to write "LTN and why the F are you staying?!"

Haven't scrolled right to the very bottom....
Well done. You sound fabulous, and I wish I had a RL friend like you.

To David's mummy...
Congratulations. You raised the biggest, most sexist, arrogant, laziest, selfish fucktard the 21st century has ever seen. Would even go as far as saying you failed as a parent to raise such an incompetent, abusive man child.

Should have been LTB and *having read the whole thread bloody auto correct!

Be a Good Ex Husband Dave.

Before u leave - good luck OP. I've read all ur posts overnight whilst awake feeding babies! U started this thread so unsure and have become so self assured and brave over the pages. Sorry ur DH is such a muppet to not even want to try and chat to u about ur 20+urs together, let alone want to attempt to see his DC.
And to ur MIL. Shame on u.

Good luck and best wishes OP. I hope I find ure next thread that tells us how happy and rich (in life as I acknowledge uve said ure not money-grabbing!) u now are xx

and for your courage and humour at this time, even when your privacy has been invaded. Good luck for the future.

(BTW do you think MIL is a regular of Gransnet?)

& back to the morning......Has he explained his exodus to the children ?
or haven't they even noticed ?
remember he will currently be working 24/24 to hide assets or other wise give his money to his sad mother
Not only a failure as a husband & father, but devious with it, in view of previously mentioned ethos on divorced parents, he will want to screw you over a second time, having already screwed you over emotionally & sentimentally for 17 years. & waddle off thumb in mouth back to Mummy with his golf clubs & golden balls

🍷🍸🍷 to you op!
MIL's probably shitting herself because she's stuck with the loser........😀

I actually think what you're saying is classed as abuse. Not all abuse is physical.

Whether he knows it or not (I get the impression he does) he's taking advantage of you, probably the worst case of it I've heard of! My sympathies, it must be a frustrating and upsetting time for you.

I have hope that he doesn't understand how you feel. When I have trouble making people see my point of view, I write them a letter. Something about writing it down, taking time to choose your words and literally 'writing your heart out' that is more effective than my usual emotion filled verbal rambles. A letter also give the recipient a chance to absorb your feelings and re-read. I would suggest writing an honest and even-tempered letter to your hubby, saying why you love him, why you've stayed by his side and how you feel and how he can make it better. It's important you show (annoyingly) his point of view too, but suggest compromises and also hammer home what will happen if your needs carry on not being met.

You sound like a hard-working and brave lady. You don't deserve to be miserable. It is much his job to be a good husband as yours is to be a good wife.

Good luck X

Bathilda

Sandyplease do read the thread before commenting utter bollocks. He doesn't own the home, OP is sole tenant

Really? How rude of you even if you were correct here.

A simple "he isn't a joint tenant, you must have been mistaken" would have been sufficient.

My point is that one has no legal right to tell their partner to leave the marital home.

I'm on the OPs side here and I think my comments throughout this thread have made that clear.

I wouldn't put up with mean, lazy and bossy behaviour from my DH and I don't think anyone else should.

I really hope that Dave and his mother take a good look at themselves after reading this thread.
Horrible people.

Op you seem lovely. It's such a hard time for you and you've found the strength to realise what you need to do and kept a sense of humour with it too.

I wish you all the luck you need to be living the life you want.

Ha mil hyacinth bucket has probably printed out your post as proof of your lesbianism!

Ah, running home to mummy to suck his thumb & be Molly coddled.

It will save her a fortune in care home fees when she's old and infirm though which cancels out the divorce costs.

I think she always knew but just wouldn't do anything about it.

For example now for the first time she can choose what to watch on tv. She was not allowed before. Also she never knew how much money he had as she never saw his bank accounts. Only after he died did she find accounts she never even knew about. I told her to spend them on taxis into town to go shopping as he hated her spending money on those sorts of things even though they live on top of a hill and he wouldn't take her.

When she dies she will be buried with her son rather than him as that's who she wants to be with forever.

Surely wven his mum must be at notes that say "be a good wife".

Good luck OP and much future happiness.

To Freedom.

If you do name change, OP, I think 'AFlockOfEmus' is a contender.

Please be a ladyonalawnmower!

Please dont go without letting us know what happens, cant believe that he hasn't even spoken to the kids! Cowardice doesn't even cover it..You deserve a really happy life with your kids, and I am sure that you will show them what real caring grown ups behave like.