Just found out dh had an affair

[faffalotty]

About 3 years ago apparently. I feel sick shaky and empty. Dont know what to do. We've been together 28 years
Handholding or sympathy welcome

It was the emptying of it all that made me realise what I'd put up with over the years. But I'm also remembering happy times and how it feels to be loved.

I had been quite calm and sure I was doing the right thing. I'm now really scared.

He's been really kind and thoughtful this past week or so. We've had no cross words I think I'd rather he did something to annoy me so that I could feel some anger or just a desire for him to leave

Are you sure you both want to separate or is it more that you think you should?

A cousin is divorcing her husband for adultery, I've stayed but I have questioned if I a mug for staying but I've decided I'll no longer make relationship decisions based on someone else's opinion and for now, today, he can stay. One day at a time. Last time I decided on the basis of advice it caused me years and years of upset and my friends weren't there at all to support.

DH has put up no resistance. I don't 'want' to do this, but for a better future I have to.

Have you actually sat him down and asked him why he is so passive and is not prepared to put up a fight for you and your marriage?

No I haven't. I'm not sure anything good would come out of it.

I think he just agrees that this is the best way and feels ashamed and guilty for causing it.

DH expected me to leave. Talk to him. he could feel he has no say in staying married while desperately wanting to make it right and stay together. You've got nothing to lose by talking.

2 steps forward, one back . DH says it will just take time. Feels like how do we get through it without talking about it when talking about it brings more things that upset .

Just makes me question if it will always be like this.
how are you? Sorry for being rude and not asking.

It's about two weeks until the deadline we had for two things. One has already happened. The other definitely hasn't. I'm not clear how I feel about it.

I was allowed to get support from my ex and to ask questions about what DH did. Then to try and move on and not ask anymore. I already don't talk to ex anymore. Finally get to the point where we could be together without me having feelings for him and I can't because DH doesn't like it. He now accepts I didn't love him. He thought I did and was part of the reason he had the affair . Not very well atm. Not sure if I feel because of DH or hormones.

Talking to ex has finished. I'm okay with that in so much as it is the right thing as he hasn't told his wife so it's not fair. I'll always wish things were different but I need to be free of him as it was having an effect.

I want to stop asking stuff as its not helping but I can't prete I'm not hurt and fucked off at what he's done. I never did the pick me dance but I'm annoyed how insecure and needy I feel.

I wonder whether I should just stop asking and saying the same things when they come into my head and just let it go. We're both so sad tonight.

Only person who can tell you what to do is you. Think about the things that are good and the things that are bad. If its not a happy marriage then worth thinking about leaving if it is a happy marriage worth thinking about working things out. I wish you all the best. Never question yourself

This morning I woke up in pain and couldn't get the message from my brain to my body to move. I needed DH to help and I told him he is very rough and needs to be more careful. We then talked about it. I asked him if he felt guilty coming home the day after. He was away two days and a night with her. I thought he was at work. I asked him, if he felt guilty why did he then sleep with her the following week twice over two days. Eventually he said because he wanted too. Hate him. I saw my ex last week and managed to keep my pants on. You know, even though I've loved him for 30 years nearly and still really fancy him and him me because I am fucking married, it would devastate DH and my vows meant something .

He tells me he is sorry and loves me a lot.

I'm coming to the conclusions talking about it doesn't help. I looked at a thread and desperately wanted to give support and couldn't as I'm in a different position now. It's all fucking crap and I want it all over.

I don't feel I'm getting over it and just want to not think about it. Want to cry.

I need to lose three stone and am failing at that as well.

Just read out my last post to DH

Told him I want out if he's saying it was because of ex as then it's like I've messed up my own life without being guilty of doing anything. DH said it is not my fault. He chose to have the affair. He wants to be with me. I took my rings off to wash my hands and don't want to put them on again right now. I want a divorce and then to start again as unfortunately I still really love the twat so want to be with him.