Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why is another woman's debit card in my house?

286 replies

NatashaRomanoff · 01/06/2016 14:23

Please talk me down, I think I'm close to a panic attack.

My husband is away on business today, he will return this evening, so I can't speak to him right now.

This afternoon I have found a debit card in my house (in the living room) behind some furniture that is not mine. It's not my name or anything close to it. We don't know anybody by the name. The piece of furniture was only recently moved and there was nothing there.

So where the fuck did this come from? Please tell me there's a solution that doesn't include him shagging around. He hasn't shown any of the signs - I know them - exH cheated. I'm an absolute mess.

OP posts:
ItWasNeverASkirt · 01/06/2016 15:40

My toddler has been known to nick random bank cards and has picked up lost store cards on the street! She is fascinated by the texture of the printed letters on the front Grin

iwillbemrsminty · 01/06/2016 15:41

E1Y1 I was thinking the exact same. Even if he was shagging around, (which I do not believe he is) why would the OW's card be in their living room and why would it have been taken out of a purse in the living room? Doesn't make sense. I feel there's definitely an innocent explanation for this.

NoahVale · 01/06/2016 15:42

is it signed on the back?

houseeveryweekend · 01/06/2016 15:45

i wouldnt assume he was cheating on you just from that! There would be other signs. I assume you live with him and see him every day? There would be other things that made it add up that he was cheating. If theres not he probably isnt. That card could have come from anywhere and you know you may never find out where.
Ive been on the other side of this in that i had a very anxious ex (thats putting it generously others might say extremely paranoid) who 'found' things often that 'proved' i was cheating. He had been cheated on before. I never so much as looked at another man when with him.
He once found a red thread in my hair and was 'certain' it was from a mutual friends shirt.... he ransacked the house trying to find evidence it had come from somewhere in the house... he eventually matched it to some threads on my sketchbook and came up to me like 'its okay, i know you havent been shagging that guy i found where it came from!!'....... it wasnt okay. It destroyed our relationship. Its just not worth being like that. It doesnt stop anyone cheating it just drives away people who genuinely care. I felt like he wasnt paying attention to who i was and that he had been with me years and should know i wasnt capable of cheating from my behaviour every day.
If you know your DP and you know he wouldnt cheat dont let something like this make you paranoid because it wont end well. Just casually ask him if he knows whos it is and if he says he doesnt know just take his word for it. x

Original poster
NatashaRomanoff · 01/06/2016 15:46

Well, I don't think anybody would be stupid enough to give my husband their card, the thought had occurred that another woman has been in my house, and dropped it. I do feel it's innocent. The name is a Miss X. It's not signed. Neither is mine though Blush

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 01/06/2016 15:46

You said the toy kitchen is new OP,there's a chance it could have fallen inside the toy kitchen whilst it was in the shop,a child could have got hold of the card and put it in the box or a parent could have been distracted by they're child/children and could have dropped they're card in there in the shop or someone that works in the shop could have lost the card.

I'd give the shop you got the kitchen from a ring,they may have had someone go back in there looking for they're card.

Original poster
NatashaRomanoff · 01/06/2016 15:47

Oh I'm not paranoid to DH! Only in my head and in places like this where the paranoia can be safely let out without him seeing my crazy being silly.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 01/06/2016 15:48

OP I'm as suspicious as the next person but I really feel there is some odd-but-innocent explanation for this.

MurphysChild · 01/06/2016 15:50

Maybe the nanny had a friend round when she shouldn't have, and the friend dropped it, and the nanny is not admitting to knowing the person?

I am a bit slack with my debit card and often choose to walk to do light shopping for the exercise. I just stick my keys and card in my pocket and go, it doesn't have to be in a purse where I am concerned. So it could have slipped out of someone's jeans' pocket perhaps.

Itsaplayonwords · 01/06/2016 15:52

Do your DCs have their own bags that they carry around? My daughter has a little bag and she puts all kind of crap (from home) in there. I wouldn't put it past her if she found a bank card in the park to put it in her bag. I'd like to think I'd notice if she did but if I didn't or if she was with someone else she could come home with the card in her bag and start playing with it at home.

NoahVale · 01/06/2016 15:52

sounds like it could have come out of the packaging for the flat pack?

NoahVale · 01/06/2016 15:52

or indeed the toy kitchen

Onlygingergothinthevillage · 01/06/2016 15:54

My money is on one of your children. My ds had a car key fixation when he was little. The number of time ours vanished when the have been left in perfectly reasonable places. I once eventually located the plumbers van keys in the toy box!
I think one of them has picked it up somewhere not known what to do with it & posted it behind the furniture.

Original poster
NatashaRomanoff · 01/06/2016 15:55

Husband isn't friends with anyone by that name. Nanny has a friend with the same forename but not surname. Hmm.

The more I think about it the more I'm just intrigued as to where on earth it's come from to be honest!

OP posts:
mckenzie · 01/06/2016 15:57

Could it be that the nanny had a friend over? She's saying she doesn't know the name on the card in case she gets in trouble for having said friend over.

Original poster
NatashaRomanoff · 01/06/2016 16:01

It's possible, but equally she knows we wouldn't mind if she did have someone over, so I'm not sure it is that.

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 01/06/2016 16:03

Honestly, OP, it wouldn't even cross my mind about someone shagging around if I found a debit card. There are loads of reasons up thread that could easily explain it. Try not worry OP.

penisbeakerlaminateflooringetc · 01/06/2016 16:03

Did you check in which bank branch it was issued? Is it a town near you?

Itsaplayonwords · 01/06/2016 16:05

Have you tried looking on Twitter? If it's not too common a name you could have a look to see if anyone of that name has tweeted about losing their bank card.

sparechange · 01/06/2016 16:06

I wouldn't necessarily give too much weight to the sort code checker, given that people can open a bank account at their home town, uni town, place they only lived in for a few years,
Or as in my case, a random town 30 miles and a different county from the town where I lived and opened my account, because it was such a small branch that they treated it like a 'satellite branch' of one miles and miles away...

LongChalk · 01/06/2016 16:06

I'd wait until he's home and ask him who XX is. Make sure you're facing him. Don't mention the card until you see his reaction. Hope it's innocent.

MewlingQuim · 01/06/2016 16:09

How trustworthy is the nanny? Could she have stolen a card?

blueskyinmarch · 01/06/2016 16:11

Had another thought. Could or belong to a child. Mine had them from age 11. Maybe brought it into school to show it off,lost it and your youngest picked it up in the playground hence it now being by her toy kitchen?

fastdaytears · 01/06/2016 16:13

I really wouldn't drive yourself crazy with this. So many innocent explanations.

penisbeakerlaminateflooringetc · 01/06/2016 16:17

My DS (10) has got his own VISA card too with his own name on it. Could quite possibly belong to a child.

Swipe left for the next trending thread