This might be relevant to you op or to someone else reading this thread but I wanted to say about the 'he doesn't hit me' thing...
Hitting is often the last thing a violent partner does. They might actually never hit you, but they can still damage you physically in many other ways that can range from leaving you feeling shocked, to a bruise, to fearing for your life, to death.
Anyfucker is spot on: the verbal/physical abuse happens when you resist being controlled in some way.
It can start with a 'row' and you might think it was just a 'row' that got 'out of hand'. He might start with name calling and insults and you might begin to believe them. But if you get fed up and ask them to stop, it moves on to more physical stuff. He might throw something near you, or at you and then apologise - he didn't mean to get you. He was just frustrated. Next time you put your foot down, he might grab your arm or shove you. When you get desensitised to this he might up the anti and kick you. Usually this is when the line has been crossed into physical aggression and verbal insults becoming the norm with no more apologies or tears, but him telling you you wound him up/nag him/wore that makeup he told you not to wear.
I just wanted to make it clear that hitting doesn't tend to happen. That's so a man can say 'I've never hit a woman.' But in a physically abusive relationship he might have given you plenty of scares and bruises from throwing things, pushing, shoving, grabbing, kicking, holding etc. You might never have a black eye, but you may have bruises on your arms/legs/back. Of course, he knows you'll keep these hidden. He might even tell you you caused them yourself.
It's an escalation that happens each time you resist control and when the previous punishment didn't work.
So yes, if you decide to allow him to dictate what you wear and never complain, it might not escalate to physical violence. It might already have happened but you put it down to an accidental shove during a 'row'. It really isn't obvious when it is happening to you because the media concentrate on images of men raising their fists and women with black eyes. He might already have been verbally abusive by saying 'women who wear thingsl ike that are whores' or such like which is his way of saying 'wear that and you are a whore'.
So your red flags that aren't red flags - I genuinely feel that you have posted because you want to double check if they are or not. But even if you sincerely believe it's ok he controls you because you control him back, right now there are other women reading the comments on this thread who need to hear the message that it is never ok to control someone in a relationship. Mutual respect does not involve telling someone what to wear. And like anyfucker said, it's when you start to push back that you might see some level of abuse to keep you in check.
That's why it is a red flag, so that you can check out of the relationship without having to experience anymore abusive measures.
Be kind to yourself and look after yourself.