You cannot communicate with batshit

[Pingpang]

Following on from a recent thread regarding those who are NC/LC with family members.

Welcome to the good ship Narcymcnarcface! The bar is stocked and there's a seat for everyone. Shuffleboard starts in 20 mins.

I remember being a preschooler quite well, I actually have memories from surprisingly young

but my mother did enjoy my infant years, it was when I had a personality of my own that there was problems.

I remember later years well too.

But those primary school years, specific ones not all of them. If I strain to remember those ages all I can picture is photographs that were taken of me at that time. no real memories, just planted ones from photographs

I know my mother wasn't happy, and I don't look happy in the photographs

I begin remembering things better when I was spending more time in childcare and other people's houses and less at home. I didn't have particularly warm and fuzzy childminders but at least I wasn't at home with her so much

Misc am I right in thinking you said your counsellor was being dismissive?

Memory - I'm the opposite I remember EVERYTHING but then I'm one of those weirdos remembers being in my buggy. I still remember customer account numbers from 20 years ago

Bacon, I'm not often happy when people are wrong but no, she's not dismissive thank god! It's taken me a long time to tell her enough to see her reactions and end up trusting her, but she's good. I've had her way more than 12 sessions though which is supposed to be the limit.

I'd had other counsellors over the years who've not been good so might be that?

I'm scared I'm shutting down altogether. I'm still up as scared to let my mind rest and it might leap up and bite me unless I keep it distracted... Which I know isn't a terribly useful strategy. Comes from the bad old days of being completely isolated from the world and dwelling in my mothers reality. Disassociation at all costs required!

I'll think I'm clawing my way back into the light and something bad will happen and I'll spiral back into the darkness again.

BUT, actually came on to write something positive, I just opened the piece of post that was terrifying me the most, and .... (Drumroll)... It wasn't what I feared. Yay!!!! Thought it was going to be something very very scary indeed and again, something triggering and requiring skills I don't have, like; showing my needs and vulnerability, asking for help, explaining what life is really like etc, to someone who will be wanting to minimise, misunderstand and ignore me. So, triggering, very triggering after a lifetime of being ignored, minimised etc.

However it suddenly dawned on me whilst binge watching person of interest that this letter might be something else. Was going to wait till tomorrow and do a live opening like someone suggested. But plucked up courage now and ripped it open really quickly.

So, I live to fight another day.

I'm trying to celebrate that particular axe not falling right now. Instead of moving straight on to the next reason to be fearful.

I'm trying to celebrate that particular axe not falling right now. Instead of moving straight on to the next reason to be fearful.

Good for you!!

I remember singing 'if you're happy and you know it clap your hands' very young all sat down together, and welling up trying to carry on.

The lyrics were so very different from my great unhappiness and fear, yet I was being 'forced' to sing it and I was so anxious I wasn't doing enough to feel what I was supposed to be feeling ... whilst looking around and seeing that the other children were effortlessly happy.

Of course I know now that appearances are deceptive and perhaps other children were also faking it, but at the time it made me feel so alone and different, such a gulf between me and the rest of the world.

Misc - bloody well done for grasping that particular nettle and finding out it was a dead one, not a stinger! Phew. One less dark thing. Hope you find some more light soon xx

Misc

Statistically it's unlikely you were the only one faking it but that's even sadder

I can't remember anything about 1986,1987 and 1988, other than small bits of school. My parents were separated but living in the same house, which they were fighting for custody of, for 3 years. The crap they put us through was not about us, who neither party wanted to keep, but money and bricks and mortar. My Dad slept in the hall downstairs so I couldn't have friends over, I have no friend memories to anchor those years. The only thing I can remember is watching the Flintstones at 6am on my black and white portable, and waking my dad up and then making his sandwiches every morning, and the pair of b#%#%s letting me. I was 12/13/14. I write everything down now. I kind of wonder what happened to me during those years too.

Illness: my mother doesn't believe in it. She thinks everyone who's ill is faking, or has made themselves ill by their own fault. So when we were kids we simply weren't allowed to be unwell. We were told off, shouted at, told to get up anyway. Sometimes my father could be sympathetic, and on the rare occasions I was taken to the dr it was he who did it. None of us got our full vaccination schedule, I had to catch up in my 20s when I started working in a healthcare environment. One of us has permanently damaged eyesight because we were never taken to an optician. As a teenager I had severe anaemia that went undiagnosed for years (caused largely by very heavy periods, that I also had to deal with by myself). The whole family teased me for being a "lazy teenager" because I had no energy. It was only when I started fainting in school and a kind teacher insisted I saw a dr that the anaemia got diagnosed.

About five years ago I had )real) flu at Christmas. So on about the 23rd I phoned my DM to say I wouldn't be coming "home" for Christmas after all. It would have involved several hundred miles on the train, two changes, and a mile walk uphill in the snow at the other end, and anyway I was unlikely to make it as the whole network was affected by the snow. She threw a huge guilt trip on me, how dare I ruin her Christmas, no concern for me. It was a friend who pointed out how out of order this was.

My DM has more recently been seriously ill herself, with a problem she couldn't hide any longer, and she has been the worst patient ever and demands complete care and solicitous news. Of course.

And yes, I too am crap at being ill and tend to either anxiously tell my boss/colleagues all my symptoms or try keeping on regardless (answering emails etc) so they all think I'm faking, then I get even more depressed and think nobody cares about me or ever believes I'm ill.....

misc just seconding everyone else saying hope you can get some support with this but well done for how you've been getting through thus far while dealing with this.

Everyone else who can't remember years of their child/teen years. me too, it's shit but I'm hoping its probably for the best. I don't enjoy a lot of the memories that do pop up, though they can validate my feelings sometimes which helps.

I'm also a fact checker before asserting a version of past events. This thread is eye opening!

Yeah that's what I'm finding so difficult about the person I'm going to call WB (short for work-power-crazed-bully / or bi* really if I'm being honest). She rewrites past and present, it's like she lives in a completely different reality which is superimposed against my actual memories, emails, calls etc. and I'm too ground down to keep fighting against her forcing her warped and untrue reality on me. So I don't and then I cause more problems for myself as I'm arguing against her reality which her emails are painting with no push back from me at the time

And am trapped into having to engage with batshit, as the title goes, as she's in a position of power over me and needs to do things to enable me to get on with my job. I can't explain properly as don't want to be obviously me, but it's awful and triggering and I'm hanging on by a thread here.

Currently crying in the loos at the counselling place, before I go to a cafe and try and to open some post and deal with some practical stuff.

Met DS on my way out and he got really upset so I said he can come meet me at cafe after my appointment. Which cuts into my time to get things done and also I have to pretend everything's ok and give to him when honestly, I can't give anything to anyone.

misc. wish there was something we could do.

I'm getting The Silent Treatment from my BP (Batshit Person) now ... because I said no to going on holiday this winter with them.

The last "family holiday" several years ago saw them crying and starting arguments and saying how horrible it was. They hated it up to the point where they spent a day at the expensive resort with everyone paying them attention in a tiny room, and then they smugly spent the next few days saying they didn't want to have a repeat so let's all be on our best behaviour. DH remembers it with real anger, it was the first time he'd been exposed to it properly. I've repressed most of it but it was horrible.

I can say this with total confidence: my BP does NOT enjoy my company in general, so why invite me away?

When I said "oh, no thanks", they just stared with quivering eyes and walked away silently, shaking their head with a little sob. I've had Icy Silence ever since from everyone which would be nice if it wasn't so pointed.

Why do I feel awful about this? WHY?

I can say this with total confidence: my BP does NOT enjoy my company in general, so why invite me away?

I really really don't get this
my mum doesn't like me, she describes me as an awful person, when we're together it's horrible she is angry and miserable
But she never ever walks away, and gets angry that I don't want to see her so she can be angry at me in person

I don't get it? why be around someone you think is awful who makes you angry??

Misc, its such an awful helpless feeling when someone batshit has a position of power over you, big hugs x

You are . You really are. Just being there is doing something. Being able to join in a bit on here is doing something too. I'm very grateful for the cushions and books in the crows nest. I'm bringing jelly beans to shower on you every now and then. As niceness, not light artillery :)

I keep going up and down, and when I'm down I'm just kinda crashing and overwhelmed, and when I'm 'up' it's not up as such, it's being able to put on my normal face and function a bit, for a while.

Grabbed some of that semi-functioning time today by forcing myself to do a few things and being in a cafe meant I couldn't cry or zone out which was good. Of course, I now feel better because I've done a few things, and I know in theory the more you do the better you feel... But it's so hard to tap into that.

Anyway, I got my taxi card sorted which I was really worried about, as it stopped working suddenly and it's the only way I can travel as they fit my mobility scooter in, so, without it I'm screwed. Anyway after calling 3 different numbers, being on hold for Aaaages, and one email, my card might work again. I paid a couple of bills, and read some scary mail which wasn't as scary as I thought, and then DS came and tried a weird vimto jelly squeeze drink and I tried it too, which was nice. Very mundane and ordinary, but nice :)

Sorry relating it back to this thread, it's the mundane and ordinary moments that I think are missing. The everyday casual moments, the way I smile and hug my little boy when I see him. That my heart lifted when I saw him coming towards me. The way I saved my cake to share with him. The way I gave him the money to take to the till on his own and exchanged a smile and glance with the waitress when he was all proud of himself

It's a peculiar thing that these moments are so treasured for me, having never had them... Yet DS (I hope) won't treasure this, as this I hope and pray is his normal. His everyday. His world that he takes for granted.

Oh and I forgot, I got a GP appointment! Massive deal!!! All the health stuff is so complex I can't just see anyone as its a waste of time as there's not enough time to even explain one condition I have let alone the other related issues, and how they all interact and the massive amounts of drugs I'm on and oh yes, what I need them to help with!. But of course the one doc who has a bit more understanding of my illness is the busiest in the practise and they won't book appointments more than 3 weeks in advance and he's always booked up... So I'm stuck and go without basic medical care, and the less medical help I get the more it looks like I don't need anything. Sigh. BUT today after the usual 'oh sorry, no appointments bye' thing I stayed on the phone explaining the problem again and again and suddenly they found an appointment for me next week.

God it's hard fighting for yourself isn't it?!

Hello all, quite a lot to catch up on! Just putting a towel on my deckchair here on HMS Batshit, if that's OK.

Thanks to whoever posted the Covert Narcissist links at the end of the last thread. I found that a bit challenging to read tbh, as I saw myself writ large in the "7 Signs". Always very hard to balance the legacy of the past in all its unpleasantness with the fact that I work daily not to be the person my mother made me, and acknowledging how far I've come and forgiving myself for what was not actually my fault - but is now my responsibility. Sigh.

And thanks also to whoever mentioned Behind the Scenes at the Museum. I have a copy in the house somewhere, just off to find it now.

Very sorry you're still struggling so much, Misc, and hope that posting here is helping or at least shedding light in dark corners.

BattyMcBatshit if ya don't mind... 😂😂

I don't get it? why be around someone you think is awful who makes you angry?

You know when you get a mouth ulcer on your tongue, and it hurts when you itch it on your teeth? But you have to?

That.

Misc I too have multiple health issues plus dd has too. It's exhausting!

Behind the scenes at the museum was me be warned it's a tough read.

How weird is this - I apparently read it! I have no fucking memory of it but DH says I read it years ago and didn't like it...

Can I just sneak onboard and hang out on a deck chair? I don't know if my Mother is a narc (where can I find a link?) but she always makes things about her and confuses the hell out of me.

She tried to kill herself last weekend and I am still reeling. It feels like the last straw for me, but I feel bad for not being the good daughter. My head is fucked at the moment

Toria have a look at www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

xx

Toria and Misc

Seaman Spare reporting for duty!

Thanks for the thread although I don't know where to start. To go NC with one parent is unfortunate. To go NC with 2 is careless?

Oh Toria

You know, I don't know if the label "narcissist" could medically be applied to my mum. Only psychiatrists can really assess someone and I'm not one, just a messed-up daughter who can see that she fits the criteria, so it can feel like a useful shorthand in my head. I'm reading Lundy Bancroft's 'Why does he do that' and reversing the genders occasionally, it's quite interesting.

Which is a really long way of saying whatever your mum is "a narcissist" or not, if her behaviour's fucking you over then you're on the right boat. Please talk away if it helps and take it easy on yourself. What a horrible thing to go through.

spare and others, welcome aboard.

Also

outofthefog.website

And the stately homes thread. Also I'd recommend getting yourself some support in real life via GP you've had a hell of a shock.

Welcome all

Merd why didn't you like it?