You cannot communicate with batshit

[Pingpang]

Following on from a recent thread regarding those who are NC/LC with family members.

Welcome to the good ship Narcymcnarcface! The bar is stocked and there's a seat for everyone. Shuffleboard starts in 20 mins.

[Aussiebean]

I thought I would share something that happened yesterday.

I was having lunch in a cafe with my 11 month old. He is a smiley child and loves to interact with people. Most of the time they interact with him and it is lovely.

A lady came up and chatted with him. All fine, asked how old he was and said ...

Oh that so sweet. This is a lovely age, up until 3, then they become naughty and not listen and want to do their own thing. Not nice.

Paraphrasing a little, but you get the gist.

It reminds me of my mum when my neice was born. She told my sil 'now you will know how horrible girl are'

I am her only daughter.

It made me realise that some people expect to have 'horrible' children. Before they are even born. And those children are treated as 'horrible' whether they are or not. From birth they are told they are horrible and of course that old saying... Tell someone often enough they will believe it.

I was constantly told things where my fault. I live in this unfinished house... Because of you. I couldn't do this... Because if you. Took me years to realise it was not my fault.

It's really sad for those children (us) but sometimes we come out the stronger for it.

Big loves to all those 'horrible' fetus'

[GoodLoveShinesBrightly]

Waves at hissy! :) (It's G2B) My batshit thankfully has given up all pretnece of communicating with me now. It is lovely and peaceful.

[LtPigeon]

Screenshotting - yes, I get you, sorry I understand if we're talking about minors. Yes, it's just another way of exerting control, I agree.

[Aussiebean]

It is strange how they expect adult behaviours in a child and then hate them for acting like a child.

I also really hate when mothers blame their children for ruining their bodies. You choose to have children, your body is the consequence of that decision. It's not like the baby was floating in the womb and thought 'I'm going to make her throw up now and then give her stretch marks'
You are an adult who knows morning sickness and stretch marks come with the territory and yet it is the babies fault?

One of my issues I suppose from my childhood, being constantly blamed for things. I won't let my dh say anything to our ds that could remotely look like unfair blame. Even if he is clearly joking.

[Baconyum]

Of course babies don't hate you! Babies are selfish wee buggers if you meet their needs they'll adore you! As for cuddles/holding its being relaxed that makes the difference and with her going on at you like that I'm not bloody surprised you weren't!

I can't remember who said what

Yes to the Loudly squeaking wheel - my own father has been 'dying immininently' for 20 years, in addition most of his medical issues are IMO self inflicted.

Like calling to like - I remember leaving my now ex in laws after a week there (I'd just met them ) and thinking wtaf! This was 20+ years ago and I had no idea of GC/sg, NC, toxic parenting etc I look back now and it was all there in that first week. Ex was GC, his brother was sg (and NC at that point, he got hoovered back in after we split so I've never met him, I'd like to actually I suspect he's a decent guy), he's now NC again. Both parents were different kinds of narcs, mil martyr, fil more classic grandiose/self important/arrogant/entitled and VERY controlling!

There was a timetable! Up at 7am (on holiday) no breakfast till you'd had a shower, how to leave the bathroom, when to eat/snack, what was eaten at those times etc. We had night early evening out while we were there with friends who lived nearby, but we had to be in before 11pm! - we were early 20's but couldn't be trusted to lock up and set the burglar alarm and they NEVER stayed up past 11! And I tolerated this for TEN YEARS!

Ex is definitely damaged as a result. Even though he was the GC, which is often seen as the 'better' position. He has very low self esteem, lacks confidence in many areas but conversely is very arrogant in others (mainly with women). Youth and looks is very much an issue in the family and now ex is losing his its affecting him really badly.

Money as a tool to control -

Omg yes! Both mine and ex's family. His are quite well off but mean with it. Mine - many sat/sun mornings father threw (literally threw scrunched up) a note at me with a sarcastic apology.

Sister has been so afraid of becoming my mother she's become my father. She was in an abusive relationship and got out but I think it did scare her that she ended up there. Now she uses people, I think there's an element of using/hurting people 'before they use/hurt me'. Explains but doesn't excuse her behaviour though. Very controlling and manipulative.

But back to the cruise

[wizzywig]

Ltpidgeon, what did you mean by divide and conquer? I think this could be what my mil is doing

[Merd]

Right, I've just realised that if my mum did scout out this website and had any self-awareness (hmm) that she might recognise things from those quotes so I've posted a note to MNHQ to withdraw it ... but general gist for when it vanishes: why have children and expect them not to behave like children?! And get cross about their effect on your body/life etc.

Also newborns are just lovely! (although completely exhausting and so on 24-7 I expect...)

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

Knowingly telling any new mums of boys "you're lucky you didn't have a girl, they do your head in"

Like if I was born a different sex she wouldn't be the batshit mother that she was and would have been mary flippin poppins!!
My fucking bad for my fucking wrong genitals. I was so "difficult" from birth, I even came out the wrong sex!
See, there's two sides to every story isn't there Nina et al?, if I'ld JUST tried harder to be a boy..

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

oh, sorry merd, I'll ask for mine to be withdrawn too because I quoted you before I read that bit

[LtPigeon]

Wizzywig - by divide and conquer, I was thinking of what my M does. She draws you into conversation about your siblings under the guise of concern, then repeats anything that you say back to them, including twisting your words so much that it's basically outright lies.
I can't say specifically what it was that alienated my sister from me, but it was basically a massive lie/character slur on me that M has never taken back or apologised for (and never will).
Then, when she's created loads of friction and bad feeling between you all, she does a lot of hand wringing about how it's such a shame and she's so upset that we can't get on, when she's created it all in the first place.

[thedogdaysareover]

Ahoy! Clear out the bilges because I will vom all over the deck about my MIL anytime soon.

Can I please just leave this here though: during a speech at my recent wedding, which nobody asked him to give, btw, my FIL said the reason my husband and I didn't get together sooner is because I appeared to be having "gentlemen callers", so he didn't ask me out. The gentlemen callers, were actually just one caller, my best friend, who happens to have a penis and who walked me down the aisle. People with different parts can be friends you know. This has not occurred to FIL.

[thedogdaysareover]

Btw, My husband and I were next door neighbours before we got together.

[thedogdaysareover]

Screenshot, I was supposed to be a boy too. I was just a third girl, and a really shitty one at that I've been told, lol. I made the mistake of weighing in at nearly 10lb where my sisters had been 6lb. They thought a boy was coming, and I wore blue clothes for 6 months and wasn't named for weeks. They couldn't get over not being able to call me David. I was in the wrong from day 1.

[thedogdaysareover]

Thanks sgoinneal, he is a real prize. Hopping mad at not getting hold of the mic, I can well imagine. Why must they always have the floor? My MIL's response to being told that she should leave the photographer in charge of the photos, was to make a massive photo album of all the shitty shots she'd interrupted conversations all day in order to get. And then to leave it outside our door on our return from honeymoon with a demand to see us before they went away on a break. Like fuq! I was still on my honeymoon thanks very much.

You know what I did last night? I drowned the fucken thing in a bucket and then put it in the recycling. My H was kind of horrified and then he laughed. I haven't been through 40 years of crap from my family to then take it from his. Photo albums are a bit of a "thing" with her. On the evening of announcing our engagement, she invited us over there for a meal and then she sat me down and showed me a photo album of all the ex-girlfriends my 47 year old husband has ever had, which were many and various for one so handsome and so old (lol, I can talk). Which was....nice. That's when I had my first clue that she was a lunatic. Btw my sister calls her The Gruffalo. Uncanny resemblance mind.

[Fuzzywuzzywasabear]

Can I join the cruise I have a hell of a lot of Batshit that is or isn't communicating with me right now!

The post about horrible fetuses rings true with me! My M spent 30 years telling me how difficult I am and how I was a little bitch from day 1 never wanted to do anything she wanted me to do.

I also used to get the fuzzy hates babies she's never having children, I've sat there while she's told complete strangers I'm never having kids?! - currently pregnant with No.1 expecting it to go nuclear with flying monkeys in a few months when baby arrives and we are still NC.

Also agree with the divide and conquer she has poisoned my relationship with db, while I've always been the scapegoat and him the GC occasionally she'll mix it up to keep us on our toes, usually when I do something worthy of being announced to the world to make her look like the best mother in the world - my wedding being one of those occasions and why I'm expecting the nuclear fall out when she is being kept from 1st dgc by her evil bitch of a daughter who she's never done anything but love and provide for faux tears "I don't know what I did to deserve such an ungrateful child" more faux tears and possibly taking to her bed for several days because she's a terrible mother?!

[Hissy]

Merd even IF your M scouted this site (unlikely) and found this thread (extremely unlikely) she would NEVER EVER EVER see herself in those comments.

Even if you hired a billboard with a fucking great big arrow pointing at a photo of her, she's still deny it.

And if, miracle against miracle she did see it, and did see herself, and did tackle you on it (she wouldn't) there is nothing you have written that isn't the truth.

These people thrive on th web of lies they weave. The truth is the only weapon of self defence we have.

Be braver, you're not the one in the wrong here, you can say what happened to you without fear.

[thedogdaysareover]

Cruise on, you barren pregnant difficult foetus you. :)

[GoodLoveShinesBrightly]

Money is a classic one, my mum does that. She cut me out of her will after NC, has apparently left half to my brother and the other half between my two kids. And any gifts of money always had strings, may not for years but it would always always get thrown back in your face at some point. Any help or niceness would really.
Mine also does the hypochrondiac and invented medical problems and exaggerates medical issues, massively. She was apparently housebound but managed to emigrate thousands of miles with two cats, including travelling 200 miles on a bus, flying thousands of miles and then a four hour train journey at the other end. Now she has had a very small tumour successfully removed and has some chloesterol, so she's dying of that now.
Sounds heartless but she's so transparent about it all, it's almost laughable.

[GoodLoveShinesBrightly]

NC gives me peace and space in my head. Still think of her a lot (otherwise I probably wouldn't be on these threads) but it's so much easier with her effectively out of my life, a relief.

[thedogdaysareover]

It was the only way to be "certain" ;)

[thedogdaysareover]

Hehehe, it's gonna eat my pancreas in the night!