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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

You cannot communicate with batshit

562 replies

Pingpang · 27/05/2016 22:23

Following on from a recent thread regarding those who are NC/LC with family members.

Welcome to the good ship Narcymcnarcface! The bar is stocked and there's a seat for everyone. Shuffleboard starts in 20 mins.

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/06/2016 15:08

Sorry real life been pressing last few days.

I am not good right now Sad

Baconyum · 10/06/2016 15:33

Welcome to new shipmates.

Hildur have you told police? Surely that's conspiracy to kidnap?!

Bad enough first time I went NC I discovered my parents were trying to legally get access to dd. I got a message back to them saying 'carry on...but bear in mind once in court I'll tell ALL ABOUT all the abuse and then it'll be public record' funnily enough they didn't bother after that.

School photos - in fact any photos.

Mum decides what photos are on display, they're mainly my sister. The only one of me is a wedding photo - I'm divorced! Hmm

Merd · 10/06/2016 16:09

Hope you're ok Misc Flowers

Hello saffy, hildur and all new crew.

School photos - God they never looked good did they? I look terrified in the one I can remember. Don't think my mum noticed or cared really. She wasn't in them after all.

daisywhoopsie · 10/06/2016 16:49

Hope you don't mind me joining.

I've been NC with my Mother since I was a teenager. Spent my childhood in an almost constant state of terrified because of her.

I really thought I'd moved on (as much as is possible) but after having my son 4 weeks ago I've felt a whole new, far more intense than ever, wave of anger towards her.

How on Earth do people treat their children in this way? I would NEVER intentionally hurt my son physically or emotionally. I certainly wouldn't sit and calculate manipulative ways to make his life difficult and upset him.

Sorry about the rant.

Hissy · 10/06/2016 18:58

daisy please don't apologise for anything love! I know it's the first thing everyone says, we all feel we're an inconvenience.

It's not until we have our own babies that we realise what love really is and how cheated we really were.

At least if youre noticing, it means you're nothing like her eh?

TriniRedVelvet · 10/06/2016 19:04

May I join? I'm NC with my parents. Toxicity level extremely high.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2016 19:14

Welcome new shipmates and sorry for the reason(s) you are here, but join in, we're very friendly and supportive.

Hildur, that does sound truly scary, is anyone likely to take them up on it? Shock

Rant away as necessary, this is a great place for it.

Not sure I would go so far as to call my mum a narc, she had some traits for sure, but was really not a full on narc.

daisywhoopsie · 10/06/2016 19:35

Hissy, that's a really positive way to look at it, thank you.

I just hope this hasn't set me back to square one emotionally if that makes sense.

Nice to find a place like this (though I do of course wish none of us needed it).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2016 19:36

What's up, Misc?

HildurOdegard · 10/06/2016 19:46

No, nobody will go through with it. Only one person knows where I live and they're on my "side". Transpires they've also tried to get SS to remove the kids - whilst simultaneously demanding I move close to them so they can destroy my children too.

As a PP posted, they'd rather we were homeless than give one single penny to me. But criticise me for not providing the proverbial annual violin!

It all makes me question myself. How can I be a good mum when those who should have my back think I'm so dreadful and would rip my children from me whilst smiling to my face? Confused

Kr1stina · 10/06/2016 19:50

Hildur - it says nothing about what kind of mum you are .

It says EVERYTHING about what kind of people THEY are .

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2016 19:55

Exactly what Kristina said. Don't give their opinion any weight at all - they did a horrible job with you, they don't know what they're talking about!

Baconyum · 10/06/2016 20:00

Kr1stina is spot on!

I think we should make no apologies a ship rule?

No apologies for coming aboard
No apologies for feeling sad/angry/hurt
No apologies for not having had it 'as bad' as others on board.

toomuchtooold · 10/06/2016 20:56

fuzzy Is that normal? Did your awful school pictures get displayed?

That's funny. There are 3 pictures of me and DH on display at my mother's - my first degree and Phzd photos, and a wedding photo. Every time I did something worth bragging about... it's not a cultural thing either, my extended family have their houses plastered with pics of their kids, as do we.

Merd · 10/06/2016 21:09

Hildur, that is chilling. What totally horrendous behaviour Flowers

Merd · 10/06/2016 21:11

No apologies for coming aboard
No apologies for feeling sad/angry/hurt
No apologies for not having had it 'as bad' as others on board.

Love them. I'd add:

No apologies for needing to hide under the deckchairs, or not wanting to post anything identifying.

No apologies for not knowing what to say and just offering a hand-hold across the deckchairs instead sometimes.

No apologies for having to retreat to your own cabin sometimes and not post for a bit as its too much.

toomuchtooold · 10/06/2016 21:18

And welcome to the new people!

Hildur based on my own experience I suspect the reason you question yourself in the face of their actions is because like me you were carefully gaslit to fuck as a child.
daisy a lot of us experienced sort of crisis/moment of clarity things when our kids were born. It's not a going back, I think - it does just unearth a lot of feelings about these things. I found once my kids got to about 3 it was really intense, I guess as that's when I could remember myself, and also because that's when they start sort of reasoning and stuff (and can therefore be emotionally abused).

MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/06/2016 22:41

I'm here in the crows nest, lovely shipmate helped decorate it with cushions and rugs and a small yet tasty range of snacks.

I brought melon, I bloody love melon, uuuum and yuuuum, passes melon around ...

Please do come hide up here if you need to. I've been here a few days now and have come down a few times and so I think I should share the crows nest hidey hole around a bit!

Kr1stina · 11/06/2016 01:59

Thanks for the melon and very nice wine
It's helping me through a middle of the night crisis

BabbleFishDish · 11/06/2016 08:00

Hildur that sounds awful. I've had literal nightmares about racing home to stop mine from stealing my dd.

On one occasion we had to bring my dd in to sleep in our room for several weeks cos I thought there was a genuine risk she would abscond with her. I had to tell child care that under no circumstances should she be allowed to pick my dd up.

My m has form for some fairly out of the blue random psychotic breaks which are always someone else's fault

My dp was STUNNED when he saw one for the first time but I was going 'oh she's just having another one of her breakdowns'.
He's the one who persuaded me she wasn't safe to have in the house with dd (he was right don't tell him I said that ) and we moved her to a hotel til the worst was over.
I Never think she's that extreme but then I write it down and think Wtaf.

Handsoffmysweets · 11/06/2016 08:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Kr1stina · 11/06/2016 08:09

As I read this thread, I find myself thinking

" bloody hell, that's awful, that parent is/ was abusive, that poor Mumsnetter "

At exactly the same time as I'm thinking

" that's what my mother did , I thought it was normal " .

Which is why this thread is simultaneously comforting and horrifying .

Merd · 11/06/2016 09:47

Yy Kr1stina Flowers (hope whatever happened last night is over and ok now)

I Never think she's that extreme but then I write it down and think Wtaf.

Yes, I know what you mean Babble, I've been keeping a list on my phone since exploring them on these threads of "things I remember now and think were batshit", and my god it adds up!

(I'm not sitting and re-reading the list in a darkened room with a Smeagol voice or anything; I just pop back to it when something new pops into my head!)

I'm debating about counselling and taking The List along, and think I might go for it seriously if I ever have a pregnancy that gets past 3 months.

Anyway - wishing you all cool, tranquil sailing today. Brew to all going through the stormy waters instead.

daisywhoopsie · 11/06/2016 09:58

My DP was also stunned when he experienced one of my Mother's 'episodes'. I think mostly because it involved a baseball bat and his car. So batshit it's almost funny.

I'm also terrified she will try to take DS. She's reported 'friends' of hers to SS before because they've fallen out.

We had to move house whilst I was heavily pregnant as I suddenly remembered her saying to me something about setting my house on fire when I had children of my own so I understood what it was like to lose them (this was after I moved out). I couldn't sleep and made DP seal the letter box shut and keep all windows and doors locked at all times. I think it was partly hormones and partly genuine fear.

GoodLoveShinesBrightly · 11/06/2016 10:34

Fucking hell daisy I'd move too! Mine said she hoped I would have grandchildren so I would understand the pain of having them "stolen" from her (and that wasn't even NC, that was just cos we moved out of her house and into a rented house) but at least she didn't actually threaten to burn us alive.