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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just assaulted me

138 replies

LadyMalande · 20/05/2016 20:25

So in the least mumsnetty assault ever DH has just thrown a fruitshoot at me. While I was driving. With DS in the car.

We were having a stupid argument about nothing really. I thought he was being grumpy, he thought I was.

Fruitshoot was in the center console thing. He just picked it up and threw it full force in my face. Then demanded I stop and let him out of the car, which I did. My eye is swollen and tender, small cut by my eyebrow.

He turned up at the house just after I got home, tried to come in. I put stuff in a bag for him and have told him to go. I didn't let him in.

I feel like shit. DS is 3. Asked me why Daddy threw his drink at me. DH does childcare while I'm at work (opposite shifts) so I won't have any for Monday now and nursery is really full.

DS seems ok. Not distressed or anything but I can't believe the risk he put him at.

Not sure where I'm going with this post really. I'm just so sad that he did this. I feel somewhere between numb and devastated.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 20/05/2016 20:27

What a shit to put you all in danger like that. What's your plan now?

CrazyDuchess · 20/05/2016 20:30

How is your eye??

Goingtobeawesome · 20/05/2016 20:33

What do you honestly want to do? Doesn't mean you have too, nothing is set in stone but it might help to verbalise it as it acknowledges your feelings.

Do you need medical attention ?

flatbellyfella · 20/05/2016 20:34

Sounds like you have another three year old, by the way he is behaving.,

neonrainbow · 20/05/2016 20:36

Well done for not letting him in op. You wouldn't accept that from someone on the street and you certainly shouldn't from someone who is supposed to love you.

Chlobee87 · 20/05/2016 20:37

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your eye is OK. Not really got any advice, but want you to know I think you're really brave and strong to have chucked him out straight away. I know it must be devastating but you've done the right thing by taking control immediately.

Misnomer · 20/05/2016 20:38

That's awful Flowers. It might be worth photographing the injury as a record of what's happened. Has anything like this happened before? Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to?

FannyFifer · 20/05/2016 20:40

So sorry, that's awful, hope you are ok, you've totally done the right thing.

Original poster
LadyMalande · 20/05/2016 20:42

I want to curl up in bed and cry and for it all to go away and never have happened.

That's not really an option though.

Eye is ok, I think it will be bruised in the morning. It's more the side / top of my eye that's swelling and sore so not worried about damage to vision.

Thinking about divorce is just awful, as is the idea of telling anyone. I feel a bit ashamed just posting on here even though I know it's not really my fault. It still feels like it says something about me.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 20/05/2016 20:42

Photograph the injury. Good on you for taking control. He must be deranged to attack you whilst you were driving.

Ohb0llocks · 20/05/2016 20:43

Definitely photograph it if nothing else. My biggest regret is never photographing. Hope you and DC are ok Flowers

mummyto2monkeys · 20/05/2016 20:45

I would give the police a call too. Do you have family who can come over to sit with you. Does he have keys, or is he likely to try to come back later ?

Ripeberry · 20/05/2016 20:45

Sounds like you both need some time apart and then get together and have a proper talk, maybe with a marriage councilor. Something is bothering him. Maybe you don't have time for each other. Only for work?

stripeyreds0cks · 20/05/2016 20:47

Would you consider contacting police so it's on record, it is assault after all.
Even if you are handling things yourself just now, it might come in useful in the future? I certainly with I had done similar in my situation

HermioneJeanGranger · 20/05/2016 20:47

Take photos even if you can't bring yourself to ring the police, so you have evidence in the future.

Well done for not letting him in. Could you ring a friend or your parents to be with you for the weekend? Your H needs to stay away.

Lelloteddy · 20/05/2016 20:50

You are doing all of the right things OP.
Call the police on the non emergency number.
You have been assaulted and your child has been subjected to domestic abuse. Don't let any of the DV apologists who inevitably appear on these threads minimise what has happened and encourage you to take responsibility for the actions of a violent man.
You can deal with the future tomorrow. Tonight get what he's done on record.
Stay strong OP.

BathTangle · 20/05/2016 20:52

Ripeberry something is bothering him?? Really? When something is bothering my DH he will say "we need to talk" - assault me (in the car or otherwise)!

BathTangle · 20/05/2016 20:53
  • should be he does not assault me
DustOffYourHighestHopes · 20/05/2016 20:53

This isn't your fault.

Don't think about the things you have done that might have 'caused' this. HE caused it. However unreasonable someone is, their partner never needs to or should physically abuse them.

wolfpackonly · 20/05/2016 20:53

I'd phone the police too OP. Even if they just have it on record if nothing else.

Also if he has keys I would get a locksmith out (will probably charge you ££ though) and get the locks changed.

Do you have a neighbour you can trust who can keep an eye out/to call the police if he turns up?

Original poster
LadyMalande · 20/05/2016 20:58

Ha Ripe I'm sure there are lots of things bothering him. But currently I give exactly zero fucks. If he wanted to talk to me about anything I'd have been happy to listen. Now, not so much.

No family near by. Not sure I feel able to tell anyone irl at the moment anyway.

He has form for being a bit of an arse, usually just being grumpy and sulky but he has thrown things / punched the odd wall before. I'm aware that I probably made excuses for that at the time. That's not really been a problem for a while. He is still generally a bit moody though and not great at communicating.

I have taken a photograph.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 20/05/2016 20:59

You did the right thing by not allowing him back in the house.

Take pictures of your face, as suggested, and I would also speak to GP and make sure you tell them that you were driving when he did this. That means he put your child, and other road users, at risk as well as assaulting you.

Inertia · 20/05/2016 20:59

I would report it to the police too.

As there's a possible eye injury, I think you need to see an out-of-hours doctor. Is there anyone who could watch your child for you so that you can get it checked over?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/05/2016 21:00

LadyM,

I would report his assault on you to the police this evening; it needs to be on record. If anyone else had done this you would report it, your H is no different in that respect. He is solely responsible for his actions.

I would also suggest you now give Womens Aid a call on 0808 2000 247 if you have not already done so. They can and will also help you here.

Ripeberry - joint counselling is never recommended where there is abuse of any type within the relationship. Abusive men can and do manipulate counsellors to take their side.

mummyto2monkeys · 20/05/2016 21:03

So many hugs, my husband has been told from day one that the day he hits me, is the day our marriage will be over. You have done the right thing, in throwing him out. You are not to blame OP. Your partner behaved like a thug. You did not deserve to be treated that way.