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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just assaulted me

138 replies

LadyMalande · 20/05/2016 20:25

So in the least mumsnetty assault ever DH has just thrown a fruitshoot at me. While I was driving. With DS in the car.

We were having a stupid argument about nothing really. I thought he was being grumpy, he thought I was.

Fruitshoot was in the center console thing. He just picked it up and threw it full force in my face. Then demanded I stop and let him out of the car, which I did. My eye is swollen and tender, small cut by my eyebrow.

He turned up at the house just after I got home, tried to come in. I put stuff in a bag for him and have told him to go. I didn't let him in.

I feel like shit. DS is 3. Asked me why Daddy threw his drink at me. DH does childcare while I'm at work (opposite shifts) so I won't have any for Monday now and nursery is really full.

DS seems ok. Not distressed or anything but I can't believe the risk he put him at.

Not sure where I'm going with this post really. I'm just so sad that he did this. I feel somewhere between numb and devastated.

OP posts:
TheOnlyColditz · 21/05/2016 10:18

I'm really sorry, that was uch longer than I thought.

ImperialBlether · 21/05/2016 10:28

I'm sorry you went through that, TheOnlyColditz, but I'm not sure that's going to help the OP.

Lumpylumperson · 21/05/2016 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOnlyColditz · 21/05/2016 10:46

Well I thought it might help to see how it worked out for someone else. I copy psted, forgot it was so long

TheOnlyColditz · 21/05/2016 10:48

No, I don't think so, Lumpy. All names have been changed or modified to protect identities - you can't tell a tale using "person one, person 2 and person 3"

tabpepsi · 21/05/2016 10:50

ive been thinking about you this morning - good that you're going to repor..

its horrible and intrusive but the only sensible thing to do here especially given your dh has form for flying off the handle (albeit a while ago).

have you got a plan if he tries to contact you again?

fuzzywuzzy · 21/05/2016 10:51

Go to the GP so the assault is logged officially and also to make sure your eye is ok.

differentnameforthis · 21/05/2016 11:15

maybe with a marriage councilor. Something is bothering him. Maybe you don't have time for each other. Only for work?

1] counselling isn't recommended when someone is violent
2] there is NEVER an excuse for violence
3] why are you trying to excuse his violence.

Lelloteddy · 21/05/2016 12:02

You are doing the right thing OP.
You may already have left by now but if not, if you ring the non emergency number and explain what happened and what you want to do, they can often arrange a specific time for you to visit the station to speak to a specific officer ( sometimes from the DV unit)

And with regards social services, as long as you are seen as being a protective parent to your child ( which you very clearly are by your actions) there will be no issues. It's your Ex who will come under their scrutiny.

Good luck with the police Smile

Lilacpink40 · 21/05/2016 12:58

When everything's reported take time to be with friends and family that care about you. They may well have seen signs and be grateful to know he's not in your home. I'm closer to friends and family post split because STBXH preferred me to not see them and they weren't welcomed into home, while his were. Hope you have support in RL and get sense of freedom along the way! Grin You are strong!!

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 21/05/2016 13:06

Something is bothering him. Maybe you don't have time for each other.

Seriously? Sad

Taken, I didn't see any aggressive responses, just protective ones as the last thing any agency SS included would want is that women are afraid to report being assaulted. The only 'action' SS would be talking about is ensuring the children are safe, providing any needed support and monitoring to make sure things are safe and stable before they close the case. However certainly in my area SS are so busy that 'mother had her eye blacked by husband in front of child, immediately threw out husband and reported to the police; is likely to get at the most a quick phone call or a standard letter, or a request to the family HV to check whether the mum has all the support and information needed.

OP Thanks You're doing the right thing reporting this.

Mitzy9613 · 21/05/2016 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JonSnowsBeardClippings · 21/05/2016 13:15

Mitzy, don't be a dick yeah?

Lumpylumperson · 21/05/2016 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrskeats · 21/05/2016 13:23

Are you serious Mitzy?
Judging by spelling and grammar I'm thinking a troll

ohtheholidays · 21/05/2016 13:37

Hope your doing okay today Lady and I hope you've spoken to the Police.x

Original poster
LadyMalande · 21/05/2016 14:02

Well, this morning has been shit.

Police were ok, I had to wait a little while to speak to someone but they were very nice. It was still horrible though. They didn't ask loads of questions but even the ones they did felt very intrusive. I know that feeling ashamed isn't the 'right' reaction but I still do and I hate crying in front of people.

I assume DH is at work currently. I really wanted to ask the police not to go there so he wouldn't be embarrassed- which I feel stupid about. I didn't anyway. I don't think they're going to go and drag him out? They said they would be speaking to him today.

If they decide to prosecute I'm not really sure what I want to do. Everything just feels such a mess.

They've given me some phone numbers to call for support if I want to but I don't really feel like I need anything right now. Not like they can rewind time or make him not be a dick.

I'm so so tired. Think I'm going to duck out of tonight and have bed and movie night with DS.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 21/05/2016 14:04

I hope OP does read all of Colditz's posts. If nothing else it will reassure her that even if it seems hard, impossible, embarrassing, even if it takes years, multiple attempts, etc, it is not impossible to rebuild your life and that there will always be someone here who will understand why, whatever her decisions might be.

The very heart if Mumsnet, I would have thought!

Original poster
LadyMalande · 21/05/2016 14:11

Sorry yes, I've read all the posts on here. Several times (aside from the deleted one I missed).

I appreciate Colditz sharing her story, obviously it's not the same as mine but it's always good to know that people have gotten out of bad relationships and moved on to better things.

At the moment I can't think much about the future, just need to deal with the now.

I feel like reporting it has drawn a line, so I couldn't have him back even if I wanted to. That feels both good but also very very sad.

OP posts:
ThatStewie · 21/05/2016 14:22

Women's aid and Refuge run a helpline 24/7. There is always somewhere who can help answer your questions & support you. There will always be women here to listen.

You've done a very brave thing today. Be kind to yourself. This weekend

0808 2000 247

Wonkydonkey44 · 21/05/2016 14:31

You have been very brave op, please look after yourself x

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 21/05/2016 14:44

Well done OP. Flowers

AHellOfABird · 21/05/2016 14:46

Well done OP.

Timeforabiscuit · 21/05/2016 15:03

Hope you get a chance to rest a little, it may be a good idea to still go out if you can, all your instincts can say lock yourself away but people tend to be there for you if given half a chance.

YokoWakarimasen · 21/05/2016 16:18

I am sorry this has happened to you. Well done for getting to the police. Stay strong.

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