"He treats/treated me Like A Princess..."

[LateNightEveningProstitute]

What does that even mean?

I see it loads on threads, "he used to treat me like a princess". I don't know what it means.

If I go out with someone, I want them to treat me with respect and be honest with me. I want them to take an interest in me and have a laugh with them.

But I think of Like A Princess and I assume it means "he put me on a pedestal" or "he bought me lots of shiny pretty things" or "he wouldn't let me pay for anything and insisted on making all of the decisions" or "lovebombing" or whatever.

I can't imagine how being treated Like A Princess could ever be a positive! Ever. It's horribly misogynistic and sounds a lot like the sort of man who treats a woman Like A Princess is also the sort who expects a woman to be demure, ladylike, coy, sweet...

Can someone please enlighten me?

I'm really struggling to see how anyone would be offended or have negative ideas about this. A guy treating a girl really nicely is now something to be viewed as a red flag, is that how far society has come?

Given that the most prominent princess we can remember was cheated on before and during the marriage, driven to ostentatious self harm and revenge affairs, and wound up dead alongside a her current playboy, I'd go with treating DW like a human.

That's not my opinion of that prominent princess.

When I met my H, he said I deserved to be treated like a princess, which for him simply meant with kindness and consideration and respect for my bodily autonomy. It was pretty much a foreign concept to me as my previous relationships had been based solely on what value I could provide via household tasks or sex

So I do think it means different things to different people. If I see a woman say "I want to be treat like a princess" on a dating profile, I basically assume she wants to have money spent on her, though. :(

Princesses don't have power, do they? I would rather be treat like a Queen these days.

quite Disgrace- I remember when the engagement was announced thinking how my parents would have gone ballisitic if I'd suggested such a thing (marrying an older powerful man when barely out of school myself)
she was indeed a lamb to the slaughter :(
'treating a girl nicely' still has a patronising vibe IMO. I don't want or need my partner to 'treat me nicely'- that's what I'd say to a toddler who was being rough with a cat.

I think it's just a saying to be honest.

I've said it and I don't think it means as much as being placed on a pedestal.... or being lavished with expensive gifts.

I know when I've said it, I've meant I've been made to feel special, and loved and wanted. Perhaps a day out where I've been lavished with attention.

I think perhaps some people like to pick flies.

When someone says they are treated like shit, does this mean they are flushed down the toilet? Surely as adults we aren't that literal.

I want a woman to spoil = I want a woman to ruin.

IMO only, obviously.

I agree OP.

I think it can have another meaning too - alluded to by some on this thread :(

It can mean that the woman has very low expectations from a relationship/men and assumes that they are basically all bastards due to previous bad experiences or childhood relationship template. So being treated "like a princess" just means being treated well. Occasionally that can be fine like the situation redannie describes. But it is still indicative that previous relationships have been shit and hence your judgement is a little bit out, which is okay if you are lucky and come across a decent bloke (which he sounds like in this situation) but can be dangerous if you come across somebody who is less than honest and is aware that you're grateful for their good treatment.

As others have said it can also be an abusive man who doles out "treats" - like a dog owner might lavish and spoil their pet, and feel like they are a better owner than somebody who does not, but they don't discuss important matters with the dog and they expect to have to punish or control it occasionally when it steps out of line. Abusive men can often feel this way about their partners. Not equals but like a responsibility he "keeps" - with lots of love and treats and praise (so he's a "good husband" who doesn't beat you like those "bad husbands") but ultimately feeling as though he needs to be in control and set the boundaries, and not valuing you as an equal with opinions or ideas worth taking seriously. (Just like you might change your dog's food brand or bedding if they were clearly telling you they preferred a different kind, and you might think about their welfare before you booked a holiday, but you wouldn't expect them to be able to understand or contribute to a discussion on where you should invest your inheritance.)

It's not a sign of an equal relationship IMO - it is characteristic of a skewed idea of relationships and it's a red flag from either side.

Shallishanti treating someone nicely is not patronizing, it simply means that you value them as a human being and you want to treat them with respect and kindness. You don't want your partner to treat you nicely? Ok well forgive me for asking the obvious questino, but how DO you want them to treat you? Badly?

AnyFucker seemed to think that treating a girl like a princess somehow meant that you were valuing her as less than an independent woman with her own opinions. I'm not sure what led her to think that but I sure as hell don't think that's the case. To me, it's romantic. You've found a gal you have a real connection with and want to show your affection by going out of your way and doing nice things for her that you wouldn't necessarily do for others. How is that wrong?

"Treating" somebody nicely or badly implies that you are in a position of power and responsibility over somebody.

Relating to somebody, having a two way relationship, communicating, appreciating, all of those are positive things.

Also red flag doesn't mean "RUN AWAAAY SINKING SHIP ALERT ALERT". It just means be cautious because this is a potential sign of a situation which might not be what it seems. It's a warning sign of a possible danger, it doesn't mean the danger is already there. I think people misunderstand the idea of red flags sometimes.

BertieBotts do you seriously believe that a couple in love treating each other from time to time is the same paradigm as a dog owner treating a dog? It's totally different, for a start the dog is not equal to the dog owner, but in a partnership where a couple treats each other, they are equal.

That isn't what I said.

I think you're deliberately misunderstanding TBH chilledwarmth. I was tempted to try and engage but I think you're being obtuse.

Can you seriously not see the difference between an equal relationship (where of course people treat each other, I've never come across any relationship where they don't, so it's completely obvious I'm not referring to that) and one with an abusive or controlling dynamic? And how these two are described and patterns which play out.

I'm going to have to totally disagree with you on that one, having been in an equal relationship where we both sometimes treated the other, with no one being "in a position of power" over the other. I didn't expect anything in return, I wasn't trying to assert authority, and I didn't see it as anything remotely close to a dog owner feeding his dog. I just thought I'd do something cool for my gf that I knew she'd enjoy, because I loved her. Sorry if romance is a red flag to you.

When was the last time a man was 'treated like a prince'?
If it doesn't work both ways then it ain't right.

I know the difference between an equal relationship and a controlling one yes. The topic wasn't about the controlling relationships though, at least no one suggested it was, so it's clear we're talking about just normal, average relationships where both partners are equal. I was confused by how you were likening this paradigm to a dog owner feeding a dog.

You said of course people treat each other, and you haven't come across any relationship where they don't. So why are you comparing it to an owner feeding his dog when you pretty much admitted there that it's nothing like that.

we're talking about just normal, average relationships where both partners are equal.

Oh, so princesses are normal in your household, are they? The term 'princess' by definition means not normal/average. Just treat us like human beings.

Agree it is a red flag with negative connotations to me.

The idea of treating a woman as a princess in no way implies equality. Treating a woman as a human does imply that.

Treating a woman as a princess implies an idea that you believe you are treating the woman over and above how you treat other women (who are not 'princesses'). In reality you should actually treat all women the same way.

The woman you are in a relationship with is the woman you share commitment, your life, sexual and emotional intimacy with and that is what defines the difference in your relationship not treating her as better and more worthy than other women.

I feel it is infantilising and as has been said a red flag - I would avoid a new potential mate who said it and if someone I was attached to said it how I responded would depend on my assessment of their behaviour towards me and other women (esp past GFs) to see whether they said it idly with no concept of the connotations or whether they actually meant to let me in to their controlling, infantilising and disrespectful views about women.

DP does treat me over and above other women. At least I hope he doesn't make cups of tea for them to drink in bed.

"Treats me like a princess" is just an expression to indicate that he does nice things sometimes. In most cases it's harmless. The ones that aren't have got a bigger problem than a vague little saying that means different things to different people.

And I shall save some of you the bother - 'blah blah joyless rad fem... Blah blah... Typical of MN... Will never be able to have a relationship with a man... Blah blah'

He doesn't share a house or a bed with other women though does he? He wouldn't make his mum or his sister a cup of tea in bed?

He makes you a cup of tea in bed because he shares a house and a bed with you.

I bet he makes a cup of tea for female friends and relatives who visit the house, just not usually in bed....

It always makes me think of this

Princesses are not normal in my house, what a silly thing to say. Saying that you treat someone like a princess just means that you are willing to do things for them that you wouldn't do for others because guess what, your feelings for a girlfriend are higher than your feelings for most of the people in your life. You're just willing to go the extra mile and do nice things for her, stuff you wouldn't do for other people. It sounds like you're just trying to suck the romance out of everything. Any time a guy just tries to do something nice for his gal for no specific reason, just because he loves her and wants to show it, you insist it must be a red flag, he's treating her like a dog who gets treats. Can't people just make romantic gestures without everyone getting paranoid and looking for things that aren't there?

Yes OK, it was a fairly flippant example. But he does make me feel special. He doesn't make me feel superior, just special. And I hope I make him feel special too.

As I said, it's just a saying, it's not literal. We use loads of sayings that aren't literal ("up Shit Creek without a paddle" springs to mind). Abusive relationships aren't made by phrase and the fact is that it means different things to different people.

Does he make tea for other women when they come round? Can't answer that as I have an allergy to visitors.

No-one has said it means a man is abusive or that all women who want it are low on self esteem.

People have said to them it is a red flag and they feel it is usually correlated with low self esteem.

Chilled - depends on what you think romance is? If romance equals being treated like a pet, not an equal as it often does - man proposes, man 'takes' woman away, man does the chasing etc then absolutely I would do away with romance.