"He treats/treated me Like A Princess..."

[LateNightEveningProstitute]

What does that even mean?

I see it loads on threads, "he used to treat me like a princess". I don't know what it means.

If I go out with someone, I want them to treat me with respect and be honest with me. I want them to take an interest in me and have a laugh with them.

But I think of Like A Princess and I assume it means "he put me on a pedestal" or "he bought me lots of shiny pretty things" or "he wouldn't let me pay for anything and insisted on making all of the decisions" or "lovebombing" or whatever.

I can't imagine how being treated Like A Princess could ever be a positive! Ever. It's horribly misogynistic and sounds a lot like the sort of man who treats a woman Like A Princess is also the sort who expects a woman to be demure, ladylike, coy, sweet...

Can someone please enlighten me?

[chilledwarmth]

ah hehe, my bad, it was indeed cory. No I wouldn't tell my buddies that I'm gf's little prince. When referring to a girlfriend as a princess, there is a point, there is a purpose. The purpose is that you are going the extra mile to show your appreciation for the woman you love, doing a nice thing for her to show you care. Calling her a princess to show that in your heart she holds a special place, above others. With cory's example about telling your buddies in the "pub", there is no purpose. You aren't doing anything to show admiration when you are hanging out with your buddies, you're just hanging out with friends. So the two situations are hardly comparable.

[ManonLescaut]

BitOutOfPractice we're both saying we find a particular word cringey and that's fair enough.

[Zaurak]

chilled

Because it is about gender. Would men put up with being called something that implies theyre passive and pretty? No.
The whole princess thing is grim. It's how being socialised to be nice starts. Wear a pretty frock, be decorous. Don't make a fuss. Be ornamental. Then no, those men catcalling you? Be nice they're just complimenting you. Don't ask for a raise at work, that's not nice. If you were nicer to him, he wouldn't need to hit you..

It's only not about gender if it's gender neutral. If your boss started calling you princess how would you feel? If some great big burly blokes in a bar called you princess how would you feel?

To be a princess is to be passive, ornamental. nice and without agency.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Yes. And you've pulled people up on using Princess. I'm pulling you up on using Essex.

[BitOutOfPractice]

By which I mean, I'm sure you didn't use it to be shitty (though I think it is). In the same way that sometimes people don't use "treats me like a princess" to be belittling to women.

[Pagwatch]

My DH is my special Prince.
I love to take care of him. If he looks tired I say 'hey, go and put your feet up, I'll mow the lawn". At weekends we go into town so I can buy him something pretty.

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

chilled

If you were in the pub with all your mates and your DP came up to you and kissed you and handed you a beer and said to your friends "I treat him like a Prince because he's so special" would you be completely comfortable with that?

[NannawifeofBaldr]

Pag you romantic thing you.

[Pagwatch]

I know. He's so lucky.
Thank God I turned up. I'm his Joan of Arc

[ManonLescaut]

No I think princess is always silly whenever it's used, even if intended as a compliment. If you feel like that about 'Essex' stereotypes that's fair enough.

It came up is because the TOWIE crew do actually use the word 'princess', but that's not to say they represent the whole of Essex.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

Pag I bet he tells all his mates at the pub what a lucky lucky boy he is and posts appropriate FB memes too of course.

avoid stakes

[Pagwatch]

@ avoid stakes

He does tell his friends. I saved him from ordinary women who won't use the lawn mower. He's so lucky. Women like me are rare.

[MagicMoonstone]

Fucking hell keyboard warriors sheesh

[BertieBotts]

YY cory. It's about the wider use of language. Of course it doesn't matter what twee/annoying/weird names people use about their own relationships.

But when a woman has been with a string of abusive men and she is told "Don't worry, you'll find somebody who treats you like a princess like you deserve" that's not a healthy thing to aspire to either. And when she meets a charmer who knows how to push the right buttons and appear different to her exes she will fall for it. If she was looking for somebody who considers her an equal in the first place then she'd have been looking for different things.

I disagree that 9/10 relationships are perfectly emotionally healthy and equal. It's not 9/10 abuse either but unequal and unhealthy dynamics are all over the place. Mostly (thank goodness) just those crappy early relationships which were never meant to work out in the first place but sometimes they do end up being longer term and that's a shame - I don't want other people to end up suffering in a relationship like that or thinking it's normal. Demand higher standards and higher standards will become the norm.

[corythatwas]

chilledwarmth Thu 19-May-16 14:10:04

"ah hehe, my bad, it was indeed cory. No I wouldn't tell my buddies that I'm gf's little prince. When referring to a girlfriend as a princess, there is a point, there is a purpose. "

And would that be in any way different if she referred to you as her little prince? Because she wants to go the extra mile and treat you.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Well then manon sat "TOWIE" not Essex

I just find it quite amusing that you are lecturing someone for saying "princess isn't offensive to me" and telling them they need to think harder and how lazy stereotypes like that are damaging, even if people don't mean them in a damaging way. Then you go on to say "I didn't mean Essex in a nasty way and even though I realise it's a lazy stereotype and there's a better way of putting it, I'll use it anyway". Irony much?

[BitOutOfPractice]

Anyway I'll STFU now. I'm boring myself and, no doubt, you!

[ManonLescaut]

Well then manon sat "TOWIE" not Essex

I did, that was the very first thing I said. And when I later said 'Essex' that's what I was referring to.

I was not lecturing chilled for saying 'princess isn't offensive to me' but for saying it means x.

Nor did I say 'I didn't mean Essex in a nasty way', I said wasn't referring to everyone in the whole county.

I understand you found it offensive and I'm sorry. I respect the fact you find it annoying and you're right to say so. Bottom line is you find it cringey and I find princess cringey.

[ManonLescaut]

Oh I didn't see your last post. I'm certainly boring myself.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Truth be told Manon I'm grumpy as Essex is full of irritating idiots today so I grumped at you. Apologies!

[ManonLescaut]

No worries, you were perfectly right to pull me up on it, it's fair point.

I think everywhere is full of annoying idiots, but maybe I'm getting old...

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

Isn't the "like a princess" thing one of those euphemisms / lies the Mighty P tells you to make you believe that it's doing you a favour?

A bit like when you get stuck with the housework bcs you're so good at multitasking?

[LateNightEveningProstitute]

I've just got back from work and seen how many posts there are!

For me, I think it's a horribly naff expression and I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who said I was their princess or promised to treat me like a princess. And I wouldn't see someone again if they said it on a date.

Like earlier posters said, I want to be seen as a woman and an equal. Not as a little treasure that needs to be protected. Because I'm not.

I agree that it treats women as passive and without agency. Just something there that is pretty and for men to pick up and put down as they wish.

I see what some people mean about thinking it means treating someone better than you'd treat everyone else because they're important to you, but that's not how I'd perceive it.

It's also just the idea that A Princess is what we'd all aspire to be. It's up there with, "Come on girls, we've all been planning our wedding day since we were 7 years old, haven't we?" type sentiments. Er, no, actually. Not all of us have. Some of us wanted more for ourselves than to be shackled to a man as soon as possible.

But yeah, I feel like I've read that, "He used to treat me like a princess" a fair bit recently on threads where a woman is trying to work out the reason for her partners change in attitude towards her. It's a horribly sexist term.

It really irks me.

But then, I suppose it's an excellent way of filtering out the men I wouldn't want in my life!

[Offred]

Calling her a princess to show that in your heart she holds a special place, above others.

I am unsure exactly why 'this is my girlfriend' doesn't suffice to demonstrate this point without implying she is an incapable infant.

I am also highly highly suspect of anyone who actually believes 9/10 people who use the phrase have the right idea about what equality means and are in equal relationships. That simply is not true.

9/10 relationships whether 'princess' is used or not are not equal - women still do more childcare, still do more unpaid domestic work etc... Cannot be factually correct.

I get that there are some people who don't think men and women should be equal but they are miniscule in numbers compared to the people who don't know what equality actually looks like and are under the (wrong) impression there is equality.

Chilled - you have said a lot of times that is what you are trying to convey when you say that phrase. Frankly it is unnecessary to say it in that way and I think you should at least consider that many people will interpret it to be infantilising when you say it out loud.

But then I don't see why you would say it when you mean 'I behave normally in a relationship'...

[AnyFucker]

I don't know anyone from Essex.