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Original poster

"He treats/treated me Like A Princess..."

179 replies

LateNightEveningProstitute · 19/05/2016 07:38

What does that even mean?

I see it loads on threads, "he used to treat me like a princess". I don't know what it means.

If I go out with someone, I want them to treat me with respect and be honest with me. I want them to take an interest in me and have a laugh with them.

But I think of Like A Princess and I assume it means "he put me on a pedestal" or "he bought me lots of shiny pretty things" or "he wouldn't let me pay for anything and insisted on making all of the decisions" or "lovebombing" or whatever.

I can't imagine how being treated Like A Princess could ever be a positive! Ever. It's horribly misogynistic and sounds a lot like the sort of man who treats a woman Like A Princess is also the sort who expects a woman to be demure, ladylike, coy, sweet...

Can someone please enlighten me?

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 19/05/2016 22:23

Urgh, i had a friend who was always banging on about being treated like a princess, by awful men who were cheating on her as she simpered and cleaned their houses.

If DP wants to treat me like a member of the monarchy, he can treat me like a queen Wink

Pagwatch · 19/05/2016 22:37

I'm not keen on a monarchy. I'm going full dictator.

Trills · 19/05/2016 22:43

Treat me like you would treat Obama.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/05/2016 23:23

You do on here AF! You just don't know you do! Smile

I think princess does have the implication that the woman in question is rather high maintenance and flaky which are both descriptors which would never be applied to men

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 23:37

Oh, you lot are not real. You are all journalists and bots.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/05/2016 06:18

Is my circuit board showing?

Wordsmith · 20/05/2016 08:33

To me it implies a relationship where the man has the economic power and 'treats' the woman to baubles, trinkets, designer goodies etc. I know a couple of these and they seem perfectly happy servicing their men's careers and futures. Wouldn't be for me though.

TheSparrowhawk · 20/05/2016 09:21

Paring it right back beyond the obvious misogyny, the idea that being a princess, or any royal figure, means you deserve more respect than other people isn't something that strikes a cord with me at all and is actually one of the cultural aspects of the UK that I hate the most. Why would I ever treat William whatshisface with more respect than anyone else just because of who his mother is? It's deeply ingrained in UK culture that one of must cowtow to some and belittle others, regardless of those people's integrity or personal characteristics - it's reflected in all strata of society IMO.

I don't want anyone to 'treat me like a princess' because I see no value whatsoever in being a princess and it boggles me that anyone does. I want to be treated as an equal partner, someone who's loved and respected for being me.

TheSparrowhawk · 20/05/2016 09:22

To clarify, if a man said to me he'd 'treat me like a princess' it would reveal to me that he buys into the idea that you treat some people well because of their standing, and others less well because their standing isn't so good.

I want people in my life who treat everybody with kindness and respect, regardless of who they are and with no distinction between people who qualify as 'royalty' and those who don't.

BerylMeeps · 20/05/2016 10:15

Hmmm. My husband often says and is heard to say on social media/ to his mates/ to his family

This is my wife. She is marvellous, treats me like a king.

I also don't mind being referred to as his queen. He does treat me like a queen. I feel very lucky and tell him that. Our DD is our princess.

This isn't all the blinking time, you understand, but it's commonly referred to. I don't get the issue. As PP have said, if you're in a secure and stable relationship who really honestly gives a fuck?! Not me....

QueenOfTheAndals · 20/05/2016 10:19

Considering how Charles treated Diana, it doesn't really say much, does it?

Pagwatch · 20/05/2016 11:01

Beryl

In fairness treating each other as a 'King and queen' is equal.

It's interesting that you call your DD a princess. It rather confirms how the princess role is the child.
Which is why a partner calling his partner his princess has echoes of an adult / child . Which is the very thing people object to .

dulcefarniente · 20/05/2016 18:59

Wordsmith that's my interpretation too. I've always wanted an equal partnership for my own self respect but I think a lot of men still want to have the traditional breadwinner role because it makes them feel more secure in a world that increasingly devalues their place in it. It must be said when I'm constantly juggling work/running the home/dc and see the princesses on the school run planning their day of gym, coffee meetups and mooching around (non-food) shops there are times when ditching the self respect for the princess option seems very appealing Grin

LPickers · 20/05/2016 21:55

I think some people here are reading into the phrase too much. I don't use or like that saying but it just means someone treated you well; he was thoughtful and generous. It doesn't necessarily mean it toppled into controlling behaviour.

Someone who controls you isn't treating you like a princess imo. They are just being a d*ck.

Why do we associate the word 'Princess' with negative connotations? Disney films? The real royals are surely more positive examples. I cant imagine Kate Middleton being belittled or controlled.

Trills · 20/05/2016 22:03

Being thoughtful and generous shouldn't require a special phrase. That should be what you expect from a decent partner.

We're reading into it because it's so over the top and unnecessary. It sounds little protesting too much. It sounds like you must have a reason for wanting to say it.

The reasons could vary from relationship to relation, but none of them are very appealing to me.

HormonalHeap · 20/05/2016 23:01

Means spoiling.

BMW6 · 20/05/2016 23:50

Oh Christ noooooooooooooo ............ such a wanky phrase and conducive to projectile vomiting (all over the person who has uttered such drivel)

AyeAmarok · 21/05/2016 06:44

Terrible phrase,hate it. And I do lose respect for anyone who says it/worry slightly about the dynamics of their relationship.

To be a princess is to be passive, ornamental. nice and without agency.

Agree with this.

2rebecca · 21/05/2016 08:33

I have always steered clear of the sort of bloke who talked about princesses. I find most men who have been to university and lived in a mixed environment with women as equals just don't talk like that. My husband and I do nice things for each other. That's because we love each other and have chosen to be together. Agree the whole wanting to be a princess thing suggests unequal power in the relationship

BertieBotts · 21/05/2016 08:35

Tried to post this last night but it wouldn't let me.

I think Sparrowhawk is spot on with this:

if a man said to me he'd 'treat me like a princess' it would reveal to me that he buys into the idea that you treat some people well because of their standing, and others less well because their standing isn't so good.

I want people in my life who treat everybody with kindness and respect, regardless of who they are and with no distinction between people who qualify as 'royalty' and those who don't.

Could not put my finger on that, so thank you :)

wantmorenow · 21/05/2016 10:16

My BF once said he treats me like a princess when I was having a grump.

Was a bit Confused at expression. He used it to mean that he puts my needs above his own, always go the extra mile for me, likes to do things for me (like buying my favourite wine even though it means an extra few miles drive or sorting out my car's brakes), doesn't criticise me, supports me fully and only offers advice should I actually ask for it and values me highly.

He has never said he loves me (wish he would, even just once) but he does love me in an active verb like way every day. There was nothing negative meant by the expression and he does make me feel cherished and special above all others. Not going to tell him his choice of phrasing was wrong; I'll accept it as a compliment. The way it was intended.

wantmorenow · 21/05/2016 10:18

By the way he really does treat me incredibly well and we are happy. Two years in and the kindness are still there throughout our interactions, same as they were 6 months in and more than they were in the first flush.

Offred · 21/05/2016 11:33

The other objection I have is to do with the idea of pronouncing 'I treat you like a princess' - do I not get to decide how I feel about the way I am treated? Why do I or others need to be told about how you treat your partner in such a pronouncement? It makes me think someone is more concerned about perception of their treatment of others than the reality.

There just doesn't seem to be any need whatsoever - I'm always more bothered about how my partner feels about how I am treating them than how I feel they should be treated and the whole 'women should be treated like princesses' urgh, no, just no... Women should be treated like people who have different desires and needs and value systems, just respect people....

ManonLescaut · 21/05/2016 19:08

Why do we associate the word 'Princess' with negative connotations?

What positive connotations are there? If it doesn't mean a woman of subordinate status on an unearned pedestal, with inherited wealth and position and a pampered and protected lifestyle, it means one who is spoilt and arrogant.

If you can't imagine Kate Middleton being 'belittled and controlled' can you imagine her expressing her own opinions, holding down a job, wearing something wildly inappropriate?

sue51 · 21/05/2016 20:00

I think it sounds a bit vomit inducing and it would be the kiss of death of a relationship for me. I've been in an equal partnership for more than 35 years, no princesses here.

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