"He treats/treated me Like A Princess..."

[LateNightEveningProstitute]

What does that even mean?

I see it loads on threads, "he used to treat me like a princess". I don't know what it means.

If I go out with someone, I want them to treat me with respect and be honest with me. I want them to take an interest in me and have a laugh with them.

But I think of Like A Princess and I assume it means "he put me on a pedestal" or "he bought me lots of shiny pretty things" or "he wouldn't let me pay for anything and insisted on making all of the decisions" or "lovebombing" or whatever.

I can't imagine how being treated Like A Princess could ever be a positive! Ever. It's horribly misogynistic and sounds a lot like the sort of man who treats a woman Like A Princess is also the sort who expects a woman to be demure, ladylike, coy, sweet...

Can someone please enlighten me?

[ManonLescaut]

Who's assuming they're vacuous? The point is that it's a vacuous thing to want to be.

The implication of 'princess' is a woman who is not a queen - ie in charge. She's a subordinate royal. It indicates a desire to be put on a pedestal, treated as special and generally looked after.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

That's not what it indicates to me. What is wrong with wanting to be special to your partner? Wanting to be "treated like a princess" by everyone would be weird, but I don't understand why it's so awful to want to be treated as special by your partner. I want to be special to him, just like he is special to me.

It's just a phrase.

[Abecedario]

DP called me his princess once in the early days, I told him to get it right I was his frickin' queen!

In reality I'd rather just be treated like an adult who he cares about and tries to make happy, and I treat him the same. I'm not princessy or cutesy. My nickname these days is pie, which I prefer to princess!

I get that it means he treats you well, cares about you, is thoughtful and kind etc. I just don't think that should be seen as special or 'like a princess'. It's just what I'd expect from a partner.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

Milk the common cultural interpretation of "Princess" (either actual Royalty or colloquially) is not an educated, independent, strong woman who makes her own way in the world.

It's either wonderful clothes, nice hair gilded cage al la The Duchess of Cambridge

Or it's pretty dresses, falls in love with the princess Disney type.

Or it's beautiful, ornamental "Daddy's Princess" type image.


None of those images demonstrate strength or independence. None of those images care about what the Princess thinks Or what talents she has.

If you love your OH and he treats you well then that's lovely but in wider society the image of women as "Princesses" is problematic and certainly not an image I'd want my daughter to aspire to personally.

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

Using Princess in any context to describe women and girls who are not members of a royal family always makes me think of Eastenders.

And hanging the washing out isn't a romantic gesture. It's mucking in.

[ManonLescaut]

But you are special to your partner or you should be - so why turn that into bizarre feeble-minded Disney claptrap?

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

We need some princesses to knock that idea on the head then!

I admit I've never seen a Disney Princess film, and I suppose I was thinking about Princess Anne rather than the Duchess of Cambridge (who I guess technically isn't a princess).

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

SticktheDM - I didn't say it was romantic! Besides, I'm a SAHM (even though DS is at secondary) and he works 10hr days. I don't think he needs to "muck in" much.

[fizzyrubbish]

OK MilkTwoSugars - that makes sense, apologies for reading that the wrong way.

Not sure if the phrase is a red flag or not. No-one has ever said it but I have had bfs say that they want to spoil me materially, and they have. Simply because they were earning shed loads more and were trying to be nice. It isn't necessarily sinister, though can create a power imbalance if you're not careful.

[NannawifeofBaldr]

So when you refer to your OH 'treating you like a Princess' the image that comes to mind for you is Princess Anne?



It's worth considering the fact that Princess Anne declined to offer to call her own daughter by the title "Princess"...

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Princess Anne did not decline to give Zara the title "Princess". Mark Philips declined a royal title and therefore their children (according to convention at the time - it may have changed) could not be given royal titles.

Tbh no image comes in to my head when DP calls me his princess, other than myself. I'm his princess, no one else's. Anne was the first one I could think of who doesn't sit on her arse being pretty. I don't sit on my arse much and I'm not particularly pretty. Nor do I feel the need to be particularly pretty.

[ManonLescaut]

Princess Anne

She of the sensible suits & 70s hairdo. What a strange aspiration.

[coffeeisnectar]

I have a friend who constantly posts photos of her dd (who is 10) on fb stating 'love my little princess' while said child is dressed up to the nines and posing with hip thrust out and hand on hip or the two finger thing across the eyes. I really want to just tell her to stop it. But I'm not brave enough! I think her dd is going to grow up with the impression that looks and clothes are the most important thing to achieve for success.

Dp refers to his 12 year old as his 'perfect princess'. That's wrong on both counts. She's not perfect and she's not a princess.

[ManonLescaut]

Why d'you have to be 'his princess' - why can't you just be your own person?

Is your Buttons, your Prince Charming?

I find the whole thing totally cringe.

[chilledwarmth]

Hey Zaurak. Where is all that stuff about gender coming from? Who mentioned about jobs and penises? This is literally about a phrase which generally means a guy treating a girl really nice because he loves her, being blown out of proportion by people who seem determined to try and find a hidden meaning where there are none. I think it's bordering on paranoia to assume that it's a red flag, that it's like an owner feeding a dog. Most likely, it's just a guy wanting to treat his girl right, why make such a big deal out of it and try to suck that romantic "glow" out of everything?

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Manon - because I want to be! I like it, I like the way it makes me feel.

Your comments about Anne's hair and clothes sounds like you're reducing an accomplished sportswoman to what she looks like! I thought that was a no-no.

[ManonLescaut]

I'm no more interested in her horses than I am in her appearance.

[ManonLescaut]

I like the way it makes me feel

Chacun a son gout, but that's precisely what I find peculiar about the whole thing.

[chilledwarmth]

Hey Manon, why not have both instead of trying to make it a choice? My former gf when talking to her friends referred to me as "my guy" but she still respected me as an independent person.

tbh when people loudly talk about how "cringe" it is when they see couples doing stuff, it sounds like they are just trying to suck that "magic" of love out of relationships. Can't you just let people be romantic? When a guy makes reference to treating his princess, 9 out of 10 times there is NO hidden meaning behind it, he isn't treating her like a dog being fed, he is simply in love with a woman and is going the extra mile to do something for her that she will appreciate.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I'm not interested in running or athletics but it doesn't make Jessica Ennis-Hill anything less than her achievements.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Hmmm I see what you are all saying about the implications it has about the woman

But sometimes it can be just shorthand for saying "he treats me with love and respect and cherishes me"

[corythatwas]

Nannawifeofbaldr Thu 19-May-16 12:10:30

"Cory I think that the reason is that we don't refer to treating our men "like a Prince" is that society assumes that men can take care of themselves, earn for themselves, buy themselves nice things.

I would think that many men would feel emasculated by their woman announcing that they "treat them like a Prince".

And no Milk "Knight in shining armour" is not equivalent- as that still implies he is doing something for you rather than the other way around."

This is what I was assuming. "Princess" would only be the equivalent of "knight" if princesses were normally associated with an active role.

I think "prince" and "princess", unlike "knight" both carry the connotations of being passively pampered. For some reason more people think that is wrong (emasculating) when it is applied to a man. That aspect, the reluctance to see the man as passive while it is perfectly fine to do so with the woman, is the one that worries me, not the fact that people who love each other want to be nice to each other. Dh and I are quite happy to be each other's knights, companions in arms if you like.

[ManonLescaut]

Cringey Essex phrases are not my idea of romance chilledwarmth. Guys 'treating their princess' simply makes me question their IQ level.

[corythatwas]

chilledwarmth Thu 19-May-16 13:16:55

"Hey Manon, why not have both instead of trying to make it a choice? My former gf when talking to her friends referred to me as "my guy" but she still respected me as an independent person."

Is there anything passive about the word "guy"? Are "guys" traditionally thought of as characters who sit passively waiting to be rescued or looked after? If not, then I still maintain it is different from "princess".

[chilledwarmth]

While the idea of a princess being looked after by a knight in shining armor does technically suggest an unequal relationship, most of the time it isn't, and it's just a shorthand way for people to say that their partner treats them with affection. If you are self confident enough to know that you are in an equal relationship, those sorts of sayings that originate from a time of great inequality won't bother you. But if there are underlying insecurities about your role, like you are already worried that you aren't an equal partner, then you will probably feel defensive when those sayings are used, as if you need to specifically clarify that you are equal, to reassure yourself if nothing else.

Like I said though 9/10 (because there are exceptions, as is the case with everything) when you hear someone say about treating his girl like a princess, he isn't treating her like a dog getting fed treats from an owner, there is no power play, there is no hidden meaning, he's just going the extra mile to show the woman he loves how much he appreciates her.