DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

[MatronLittle]

My beautiful 19 AF days crushed.

I have also confided in my DM. With startling results. She knows and has always known but was waiting for me to decide my own life.

We had a long chat about the party and have a plan. I have DM and DH in support and that feels so good.

The party is taking on an afternoon tea theme. We have clubbed together all of our cake stands and dainty crockery and we are going to hunt charity shops for more .

There will be alcohol at the party but lots of very obvious AF choices so that I don't have to muddle about faking.

I feel like crying again.

[Rosewinehunt71]

Matron Don't be sad, you are back here and making the right choices and planning ahead which makes all the difference 😘 You will be back at 19 AF before you know it and the support of your family will keep you grounded xx take a deep breath, feel proud of yourself and that you are doing something amazingly positive to change your ways xxx Sober Warriors Rock!! 💐💐

[MatronLittle]

Rose thank you for your kindness

A therapist told me years ago that alcohol is a gateway for me which permits a whole host of unacceptable behaviour that I would not even consider sober.

It also erases all of my boundaries. I have never had strong boundaries. I am constantly trying to please people and keep the peace at whatever cost to myself.

[CooeeOnlyMe]

Morning everyone, welcome back Slim and Matron. Matron I think having your mum on side will make a big difference; having the support here has been vital to me and no doubt to you too, but having the people close to you watching your back will make things so much easier. And your revised party sounds lovely, I quite fancy doing something similar myself!

Another busy day here in Cooee Towers, I've already been thrashed at Monopoly and apparently I am going to go cycling this afternoon. I suspect someone is trying to distract me from the fact they are supposed to be revising for exams next week.....

Have a good day sober warriors!

[vxa2]

Welcome fire

matron and slim good to see you again. I'm so glad you've confided in your DM. Your revised party sounds so much better. Well done you !!
I will catch up on the thread later. It's so busy !!

boodles and once come back. hadron we miss you - it's all calmed down here. Come back xx

[FuzzyWhiteLegs]

Arrgghhhhhh just lost a long post

Basically - welcome fireandicecubes; welcome back slim and matron. Has anyone seen Boodles and 4?

Lovely day here, but the rain is coming in later so I'm off for a run. to all sober warriors

[fireandicecubes]

Just had a text conversation with DH & told him I'm stopping drinking. He thinks I'm doing the right thing & thinks my medication is causing the alcohol to affect me quickly. I'm quite a boring drunk I just go to bed but he worries my Crohns might flare up again & I agree with him plus I don't like the out of control feeling & the after effects are horrible. I told DH I'm not asking him to stop drinking just to support me. I might post a lot in the first few weeks as I'll probably need to get my thoughts out

[MatronLittle]

Thank you cooee vxa and fuzzy

I said goodbye to some of my oldest and dearest friends on Friday. They don't know that it is the last time that they will see me.

My DH and DM are so relieved. My friends have significantly more issues than me to tackle and the strain is showing on their lives and health. Drink is a constant for them. Lost jobs, lost relationships, trouble with the law, debt, violence.

The biggest hurdle for me is how to live a sober life with the people I love. I'm arriving at the ultimate brutal conclusion. I can't and something has to give.

I am sad but also releived at taking this step.

[finnishbiscuiteater]

Well, It's 11:15 am on a sunday, I've already done 2 lots of washing and hung them out, done 50 minutes of yoga (day 2 of Adrienne's Yoga Camp), argued with a teenager about the definition of need in the phrase:

'I need a new mobile phone'

and caught up on my emails.

Damn - I'm either going to be amazing or super bored with no weekends given over to hangovers!

Am still wondering if I dare tell DP (we don't live together) about going sober. Am not sure if I'm more worried about him telling me that I'm fine and just need to moderate, or him agreeing with me that I need to stop!

Am impressed fire how well your conversation went!

[MatronLittle]

finnish you are amazing and always have been. The alcohol does a terrific job of masking amazingness

I have over the whole of yesterday to a hangover and crying and bed ridden. What a waste!!!

[lilybetsy]

Hugs for you matron , your mum sounds great - I was going to post a but to you to ask why you think you relapse - but I see you have answered the question yourself. It may not need to be goodbye forever ( though it may) but at the moment it seems you can't be AF and keep on with the same lifestyle .... Don't beat yourself up in a critical way matron, every challenge you have overcome, every day you have chosen to be AF, all the anguish when you have drunk, all of that contributes to you, and to your eventual ability to choose to be AF ... You can do it - you just have to set yourself up for success and confiding in your DM sounds like a good start ....

fireandice you post as much as you like ! Welcome to the dry space :-) I'm glad you have support from your husband - I think it is much harder if you live with someone who is invested in you continuing to drink - for whatever reason ...

I'm having another quiet day - will go for a good walk with the dog and go to yoga. Catching up on paperwork and thankful to have no hangover /regrets /blackouts to contend with on this beautiful day .

I am making plans to go on holiday next Easter with the DC. Maybe to India or China, - somewhere exotic. By then I will have been AF for more than a year and I estimate I wil have saved in excess of £3500 ... The ability to plan ahead is new for me. At the moment there are no events that I can't imagine being dry at - I am sure this is partly because I have done dry Christmas/ birthdays / celebrations before - but then I didn't really allow myself to accept it was permenant. This time I am being more proactive about deciding that I am definitely done ... Am more worried about the unexpected catching me out ...

cooee your day sounds great

rose you are sounding calm and strong - hope all is good with you

fuzzy were you a runner before you were AF ?

Welcome back slim

Waves to vxa' finnish mary jojo and glad

howbad I know what you mean about not trusting your ex/P to take proper care of your DC ... Mine seems his sons on a Saturday, almost never has them to stay over ( and only one at a time) and is pretty useless... BUT the kids have worked it out, dad is there, they seem him for a movie, tap him for £10,but he has no authority, because he takes no responsibility - that falls to me and DP ...

Honestly what makers to the kids is seeing both parents and having a happy mum / home...

Happy sober Sunday

Lily 🌷 Xx

Ps hi to all the other not currently posting - Come back 🌺

[fireandicecubes]

finnish I was worried about telling DH for the same reasons but he was good. He's in work today hence the texts so we'll talk more later. I'm very lucky that DH is supportive & my parents will be too although I'll probably tell them I'm not drinking for health reasons as they're elderly & not in the greatest of health themselves & I don't want to worry them. I'll tell my sister the same, she's a bigger drinker than me & I know she'll play it down & tell me it's not too bad. I don't actually drink that much but it takes very little to get me very drunk these days & it happens very quickly so I need to stop rather than moderate as sometimes even 1 beer or glass of wine affects me quite badly.

Have a good day everyone

[MatronLittle]

lily I think I need to accept and face the reasons why I drink, that is a dark place for me. I will not move forward unless I do this. I really need to forgive so many people including myself and move on.

I've got several friendship groups ranging from the out of control dangerous which I have to cut all ties with to the gentle occasional drinkers. Anyone falling between the 2 groups just has to be avoided temporary, I hope.

[MatronLittle]

And yes please come and have another try if you have fallen off. I was dreading posting again as so ashamed. BUT everyone here is so lovely.

[journeyon]

Matron thinking of you, but so admire your strength , you are so strong X

Welcome fireandice look after yourself being sober to me makes me really take care of my time, and enjoying everything in much more detail - enjoy your time but also make sure you relax, I found early days so exhausting. Coming up to 6 weeks on Tuesday (difficulty in choosing a random weekday day is my ability to keep track of days) ds2 and dp out for the day at sports stuff, myself and ds2 chillin , curry on the stove ready for tonight, floors cleaned and soon out to the park. This tread so fast moving and hello to all :) thank you sober Warriors for the inspiration and strength I get from reading all your posts.

[MatronLittle]

journey great news. Look forward to congratulating your 6 weeks on Tuesday

lily have you considered South America? The Galápagos Islands are unforgettable. Equador is a great country to visit as is Peru.

[SharkSkinThing]

Hello everyone! Day 14 for me.

Am shattered after driving 500 odd miles in 48 hrs but weekend was lovely and if you are near Liverpool, check out the Francis Bacon exhibition. Stunning. And terrifying.

Huge hugs and welcomes to everyone new.

Matron - extra hug for you. And just reiterating what wiser folk than me have said. Keep with it.

I have to post and run as taking DS to a party (more bloody driving). And an early night!

Catch up properly tomorrow. 💜

[vxa2]

Well done shark

I am feeling really agitated today. It was bad this morning, eased a bit in the middle of the day and is worse again now. I keep thinking about all the things I have to do and I don't know where to start. I have just had a go at DH because he didn't draw the curtains properly. I have loads of washing to put away. It's not to do with drinking I just feel overwhelmed. I am going to do 30 mins on my exercise bike and see if that helps. Sorry for the moan.

[lilybetsy]

vxa I hate that do feeling. It seems to come on for no obvious reason- and it's hard to sit with it... Think distraction/ exercise is an excellent idea.

Also worth reading a bit about PAWS - as that's probably what it is.

Hope you feel better later X

Lily 🌷

[RipleysSister]

Hi all! I'm still here but checking in and signing off. I have done 4 AF days since de-lurking, but not consecutively. I have managed to keep to no more than 2 drinks a day on the days when I did drink, and I think that is down to the fabulous advice on this thread. I have stocked up on Belvoir, Bottle Green Ginger and Lemongrass (my favourite, love that burn) and various herbal teas and have not been drinking at home. When I do drink it is in the pub, and strictly no day time drinking. I am hoping I can stick to moderate sensible drinking, with a couple of days AF a week. If it all goes tits up as it has done in the past then I will be back. Thank you all for your support, I don't think I would have made these steps without you, but, while I may well be being naive about my ability to control it, I don't think this is the place for me at the moment. Good luck to all of you x

[MatronLittle]

vxa how are you feeling after a cycle? Feeling overwhelmed is a warning sign for me to initiate some self care. Have you got a sober reward in mind tonight?

[MatronLittle]

The most I have been AF is 6 weeks. I am so determined to break through to a place of contented sobriety. I know it is there waiting for the taking because all of you lovely warriors that have got there are enjoying it so much you take the time to cheer the beginners on.

[MatronLittle]

Or could have been 7 weeks. I got over confident and stopped counting.

[jojomo]

Evening all and thank-you for the happy birthday pm matron , that was so thoughtful of you! I got back this afternoon from my london trip and night out with good news and bad news. The good news is that I did have a lovely alcohol free night out on Saturday and it was no trouble at all! My friend who I was staying with made me a delicious pomegranate mocktail which I had while she had an alcohol one and then we went out for a very tasty meal and I stick to lime and soda. It was really easy and I enjoyed being able to have a conversation with a clear head (must be getting old though because the bar/restaurant was really loud!!) then get to bed for a good nights sleep followed by a nice, sociable brunch today.
The bad news is that the preceding day, which was actually my birthday, I didn't do so well. I knew my thought processes were going wrong last week and I was heading for a slip so when another friend (who doesn't know the truth) arrived with a surprise bottle of prosecco, I was a lost cause. Usual story though, drank it, didn't sleep properly, felt miserable and angry almost immediately. It just isn't worth it, matron you are so right, there was no enjoyment!! Sigh. But I did pull it back for the night out and am pleased with that - have proved to myself that sober nights out can be done and enjoyed. So I plod on...again...sounds like you are making some big steps matron am impressed!
Solidarity thoughts to all...am going to read back and catch up properly now

[MatronLittle]

jojo great that you pulled it back and had a Fab birthday. I too had the alarm bells going off for a slip. The surprises are so much more difficult to handle than the planned and prepared for events. This year I have been AF for more days than I have been drinking. A few months ago I would have thought that impossible but I'm not satisfied because my goal is sobriety not cutting down.

Let's plod on together

I'm taking some steps to move forward but I fear that more is needed.