DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

[lilybetsy]

I LOVE bottle green ginger and lemongrass, made with fizzy water, I struggle to find anything 'gingery' enough, but this is pretty good!

[IamAnIAMSgirl]

I am loving fudge melt green tea and salted caramel green tea. Loving the fever tree ginger beer - so spicy that it makes me cough before I have taken a sip!

[FuzzyWhiteLegs]

Aha that's the kind of spicy I like in a ginger beer Iams That bottle green one sounds great too Lily, I will try that.

Off on a work trip today - did the same last year, but this time will be sans the 2 large glasses of white wine (I was being 'good' - gosh how moderate I was - I can't quite recall but I think I might have taken one up to bed with me too...) This time I am taking my running kit, just in case the weather forecast is wrong, and it doesn't rain. Otherwise I have a nice meal, a book and an early night to look forward to .

[Loubilou09]

Hello all, I am back and it is day 8 again. I got to day 14 a few weeks ago and had a little slip but back on it and feeling good and positive this time.

I am off now for a proper catch up of the thread.

[CooeeOnlyMe]

Hi all and well done to 4 and shark and Ripley and Clover. The first week or so were definitely the hardest for me. I found that having something 'special' to drink at 6pm really helped get through that time of the evening when I would normally reach for the wine. I like Fentimans Dandelion and Burdock, it reminds me of being about 7 and at my grandmas for the holiday. I get it delivered in bulk from Amazon

Struggling a bit here to be honest, my moods are all over the place and I'm being a bit of a miserable cow at home. Looking forward to the bank holiday weekend as we are going away. On the other hand I've just realised we are meeting up with the inlaws. Who are big drinkers and don't know I've stopped. Better get DH to tip them off before we see them do that they can get over the shock first!

Love to vxa, howbad, rose, beginner, Lucy and Sybil. And anyone else I've forgotten! Have a good evening.

[jojomo]

Hi all, been a very busy week so haven't had time to post but just about keeping up with reading the thread. Had a wobble this afternoon in the supermarket and feeling a bit dangerous altogether ahead of my birthday this weekend - am tired and drained which always makes me want to drink for the energy factor. Added to which is the 'it's my birthday (tomorrow) and I want some wine to celebrate' and the 'why can't I just be like everyone else, why can't I drink, I want to!!!' thoughts. Today was also like I wanted to get some wine, knowing I will feel dreadful which will then ensure I don't drink on Saturday because I will remember how awful I feel if that makes any sense. I didn't get any though because I have been reading some chapters from Jason Vale again and various phrases shot into my head at the right time and saved me. Things like 'there are no genuine benefits to drinking alcohol', and 'you are giving up nothing' along with thinking about the money and sober treats I could spend it on. So phew, I didn't do it, thanks Jason.
Hoping to have an easy evening and to renew some mental and physical energy. Hope everyone is well.

[LikeaHurricane]

Jojo maybe have a read through mummywasasecretdrinker blog....sorry I haven't linked. She talks about a lot of the emotions that you're describing. Oh, and you are like everyone else......on this thread

[Sybilramkinvimes]

Hello! Here is for cooee and jojo

I think the wibbly moods are part of the process but not a fun part. I read something very interesting about how long term drinking affects brain chemistry and so messes up the way you know that you feel happy. As the brain heals you have to relearn that. I dare say lucy or lily will be along to explain that much better than me - as must be clear by now, am artsy type.... Jojo extra too. I had a wobble the other day but I think the main thing for me is when I get very tired, the resistance drops. I didn't get on with Jason, but whatever works :) happy birthday for tomorrow - definitely an occasion for a serious sober treat!

I am going to a christening on Saturday which I am looking forward to and think will be fine - but there's a big party after and already thinking it through and cooee yes - what a good idea to tip people off in advance do there's no boring hoo ha about what I'm drinking. Or not.

Waves to everyone else happy Thursday!

[vxa2]

Hi everyone and a huge welcome to clover and welcome back to lou
Cooee and jojo hugs to you both. I know exactly what you mean about those thoughts. I am still all over the place. Sounds as if you are doing great. I wasn't all that keen on Jason but if it helps it's great. He does talk a lot of sense I just think he's a bit patronising.

Mummy was a secret drinker is a great big with loads of helpful stuff. I still turn to the Bubble Hour for support too.

Day 50 for me today. Have just come back from my first spinning class- what a shock to the system ! DH says I have a glow but I think he's being polite ! X

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Wow day 50! Well done vxa!

Thank you Cooee.

Hello hello everyone!

Feeling really sad and tired today. Hitting me that it looks like I am breaking up my daughters' family. they are so innocent and lovely and have done nothing wrong.

P hasn't spoken to me for about 2 and a half weeks. I sent him one email suggesting mediation nearly two weeks ago and another one just now. Feeling like I am driving this family off a cliff.

I have a splitting headache and I feel like crying. It's a while since I talked to anyone in a real way. I was cheerful at work all week. I was in the car with my boss driving back from a meeting and being so bright and breezy and I thought: "is this the moment where I should tell her things are weird at home? should I give her a heads up?" but i couldn't change the mood. I just can't face it.

Hope all is well with you lovely people. Sorry about all the crazy crashing moods. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

[vxa2]

Howbad - hugs to you. Xxx

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Thank you vxa xxx

[CooeeOnlyMe]

Hugs howbad I don't think you are splitting up the family, if P isn't talking, isn't replying to emails, isn't engaging at all, then it seems to me he's essentially left the relationship. I can't imagine how difficult the situation is but the reality is you are the one doing everything to resolve things one way or the other. The longer he pisses about not talking to you, the more likely a breakup is going to be. But that won't be your fault.

Sorry for typos I'm on my phone and I am excruciatingly bad and slow at typing on it. (Also I can only type with my tongue sticking out if the side of my mouth, for extra concentration. )

[AbsoluteBeginner]

Oh howbad I'm sorry. You're in turmoil and transition now but it's possible you'll look back on this time as a period when things changed for the better? I am away for work in a hotel and SO tired. Had a nice meal in restaurant with two drinkers and surprisingly really enjoyed it despite them being on the wine. I explained about being sober since Dec 28, worried now I have a tendency to become a bit evangelical. Am sure that wd be boring and annoying and I need to reel it in a bit when talking to people IRL

[FuzzyWhiteLegs]

50 days vxa WELL DONE YOU!! 🎈💐🍹👍🏻🎉

HowBad sounds like you are doing what needs to be done, and that you have no choice... Hang in there.

[SharkSkinThing]

Huge congrats those who are celebrating big - and small - AF achievements this week.

Day 13 for me, and I'm signing off for a few days as up to see to Mum for a couple of nights. A huge drive but totally worth it, as we'll have a lovely potter around IKEA, coffee and cake and then an exhibition and lunch in Liverpool.

Have wonderful weekends and see you all on Sunday.

[lilybetsy]

Howbad ; I hope you are feeling a bit better today - I agree with everyone else. This is NOT your 'doing' . A relationship requires compromise on BOTH sides. It sounds to me like he is not prepared to change one thing for you, even if that meas the end of your marriage.My ex husband was a heavy weed smoker - when we had children and as they got older I didn't want that around my kids. The weed also made him paranoid and aggressive - I asked him to stop; eventually after several horrendous incidents I told him if he didn't stop I would end the marriage. he didn't stop. I ended the marriage.

I ended it, but that was because I couldn't tolerate behavior HE was unwilling to moderate / change.
And there are worse things than living with one parent - especially if she is happy - ...

welcome clover and welcome back lou. Day 70 for me today - I like round numbers! and I'm looking forward to dramatic weight loss and huge sense of achievement at day 100 (ha ha) ...Actually I'm a bit bored for want of a better word. I feel like there is nothing much to look forward to at the moment... everything is a slog :-(, better plan something nice for the weekend

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Hi everyone. Happy Friday and I hope you all have lovely sparkly fruity and gingery things in the fridge!

Thank you for all the sympathy. I actually had a two line email today from P / ex-P. He's suggesting that he moves out; shared residence of dcs; and agreeing to mediation to sort out the details.

this is shocking in that it is utterly realistic, not at all mad, just what I had in mind, and therefore may really happen. Having another slightly swirly world-flowing-away-from-me moment. (his previous position seemed to be that he was just going to snatch the children away and they would never see me again. obv never going to happen, so all seemed a bit far away and unrealistic)

Anyway. Thanks for all your support and hand holding. something has to happen now, and that is a good thing.

Have a good day everyone

[CooeeOnlyMe]

Hi everyone, Howbad sad as it is, it sounds like progress from the P! I shall cross fingers that it all goes smoothly and he doesn't disappear again. He's clearly been thinking through the options, and if his suggestions tie in with what you were looking at that will be the easiest way forward.

Lily I got bored at about the same point as you, it was just a blip I think and I started making new habits that made me happy instead of focusing on the number on the 'I'm done drinking' app (140! I've just looked!)

My dark mood seems to have passed and I'm feeling much more positive today. I'm also, sad to say much fatter as I have clearly been comfort eating to get me through it! Doh!

Hope everyone has a good day!

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Hi Cooee, you're right. Things have to move on.

Sending you all good wishes at that crucial Friday evening point. I'm about to crack open a Becks Blue and cook the girls' tea. We've had a good bounce on the trampoline which I can recommend to anyone who needs a distraction / stress buster / good nose at their neighbour's gardens!

I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have my two lovely girls. I could have never had them; I could have lost them through being a piss-head; I could be fighting for shared residence (at one point P was saying he was taking them away from me); all sorts of awful things. Right now I am just happy to be here, sober, with my children.

[Lucy2610]

Afternoon all :)
howbad sounds like a good plan moving forward is being agreed on by P
I've bought some of the new BB lemon and will let you know how it tastes. Off to seaside for week-end as it's DS's bday. He's currently watching the Angry Bird film . If only he knew how we had appropriated the image
Congrats to all on sober milestones - stay strong sober warriors!

[MaryMarigold]

Evening all. I've been a lurker here for a bit but just thought I'd pop my head round the door and say hi.

I'm 3 days sober (give or take a couple of hours) and planning to stay that way. Have been reading The Sober Revolution, listening to Andrew Johnson, have the 'Last' app on my phone and it's all good. Have got ginger beer and rose lemonade in for tonight and also have a bottle of Elderflower lurking in the cupboard. Genuinely cannot remember the last time I was intentionally sober on a Friday night .

Have been a Brave Babe a couple of times before but I'm truly shit at moderating. I work in a very stressful environment with a heavy drinking culture and I have been drinking to excess for a long time. Probably not to the same extent as others but still far too much for me. Also have mental health issues (depression and anxiety, possibly bipolar?) and drinking massively exacerbates that. Anyhow, after thinking about this for a while, I had a mini breakdown on my DH on Tuesday after drinking a bit (but actually not as much as usual) and that was the tipping point.

So now I feel ready to try sobriety for the first time since my teens. I can tell you already that the relief of not having to 'count units' and not having to worry about whether it's an alcohol free day or not is immense. I don't think I realised just how much mental space drinking/not drinking was taking up. Deleting the drink tracking app from my phone was very liberating! I did a work event on Wednesday where everyone else was drinking and I had two diet cokes. And today I successfully navigated the wine aisle in Waitrose whilst purchasing my Fentimans. I know it will get harder but for now, I'm happy.

Hope everyone is having a lovely Friday evening.

[Lucy2610]

Welcome MaryMarigold :) Congrats on day 3!
Tonight I am mostly drinking Becks Blue Lemon which is very nice. Lager shandy reminiscent so quite refreshing.

[vxa2]

Welcome MaryMarigold - 3 days is fantastic and Friday's are especially hard. You are doing great.

This evening I am drinking M&S alcohol free mojito with sparkling water. It is really delicious and feels quite special too. In the chiller with the fruit juices. Xx

[FuzzyWhiteLegs]

Evening all

Back from my work trip, nice and dry apart from a run in the very wet rain.

Just popping in to say welcome Mary, big congrats on day 3. Moderating is so shit

Cooee 140 days! How lovely - 30 round weeks.. Go you!!

lily you might be at the bit where - even tho it was a bit rubbish - you are missing the drama of the drink/regret rollercoaster? Don't worry, it all comes good in time.

Hope all is well with all sober warriors this evening. Am knackered, about to crash on the sofa with some trashy telly.