Am I right to text this woman?

[deutschland83]

Work colleague of DHs, unsolicited messages on his phone. Late night texts when's she's out. Latest is a picture of underwear laid out.

I want to tell her to fuck off.

Should I?

He doesn't know I have seen them.

I would inform her DH, why does that poor sod deserve to be kept in the dark anymore than the OP has been? Let the conniving pair of bastards both have their lives blown apart.

Whisky people are suggesting blowing the picture up and putting it on his car windcreen!

And telling the OW's husband (if she has one) will just create more drama right at a time when the OP simply doesn't need it. It'll lead to a row. Possible phone calls / a visit from the OW / an angry email exchange / some drama that the OP doesn't need. Plus it won't do anything to solve the situation she is in. Plus it will probably lead to her DH having a stick to beat her with. Plus, it will not make her feel better. Do you need any more reasons?

And yes whisky I am speaking from bitter experience.

I'm with B.O.O.P

The op needs to concentrate on getting her head around what's happened, her marriage, future, and children's future is on the skids, she's got more to worry about than possible ows dh.

Op, Im sorry to talk about you in the 3rd person.

I hope you're holding up alright at work

BOP ok, no, it won't help her situation. I was looking at it separately that he should know, at some point.
The PP about the blowing up and windscreen thing is yes, ridiculous.

Me too. There really is enough to deal with here, in her own life and reactions. OP won't need to be dealing with other people and their needs and wants more than she has to.

Oh OP I feel for you, I really do.
I've also been in this situation - my XH had to admit he'd been on dating websites before I got a list from the police (long story) he'd been on them since we got together to just before our wedding - so around 6 years. It was always for attention, he never did anything, never met anyone from them etc etc. I believed him and tried to move on. 6 months later, I woke up and the scales fell from my eyes. It helped that he'd already introduced OW (who he's now married to) to his friends as my friend I've never met the cow and one of them messaged me saying they were being very close at the pub and why wasn't I there. At the time I was looking after my niece and thought he was at home!

I hope that you have had time to speak and figure out what is going on, drama won't do you any favours now. You need to think rationally and calmly and be the bigger person, remember he's the one who's cheated and lied not you. sending you big hugs and

5 min lunch break.

Someone quoted about contacting the enemy in battle? That's my stance today.

I'm financially comfortable on my own, I'm a stellar mother to my beautiful children, I'm organised, I'm happy, I take care of my health and body and I have some awesome friends.

He claims friends only and he tried repeatedly to shut her down.

I'm an awesome wife and partner, holidays/trips/surprises and all the support and kindness I can give him.

He's a prize twat.

I have also screen grabbed this thread to email.

I think I want it to go pop and I'll be back when I'm calm.

Also, this thread and you guys have given me more strength and courage than I could ever have asked for.

I'd be keying a car right now without your help and possibly putting my job on the line.

You sound awesome and you're right he's a prize twat.

so sorry, I think you are being incredibly mature and strong. Your DC are lucky to have you x

friends only who send lingerie pics and text at 1am over and over??

OP you are being so strong, well done. Your DC's should be so proud to have you as a mum.

OP - print that off, stick it somewhere safe because you're absolutely bang on the money here and I'm so proud you know this.

He'll claim whatever small nugget he can - minimise, minimise, minimise. It's a classic. Until you have evidence, that is. And then it'll be minimising down to the evidence. You'll possibly never get the full story, tbh, and I'm sorry

15 messages between early hours when he's away is not "shutting her down". He may be speaking some truth there NOW - he wants to halt it with her (guilt, remorse, hasn't got what he wants etc) but like other PP has said, he's got sloppy. Friend's don't send friends underwear pictures. Work colleagues DEFINITELY do not send material of this nature. The only time I've ever messaged any of my friends at 2am in the morning is if I'm shitfaced, and if I'm shitfaced, chances are I'd be fast asleep by that point anyway.

Is there anybody you knew who works with your DH/woman who could vouch for in work conduct?

Don't let him fool you OP, no matter how tempting it is

How many messages at 1.30am? Pics of underwear?
Friends :( hmmm
Deletion of his correspondence.
Come on OP

You are awesome OP, what a fucking idiot your H is. I'm sad we stopped you keying a car as it is so richly deserved, but very pleased that on the other hand you won't lose your job or get done for criminal damage! He's a dick, and it's not worth it.

I'm not stupid, I'm not blind, I am no fool.

I have to make a decision for me, my kids and my financial future.

Hard bit is choosing for me, not the general picture.

Well done, OP.

(Has he sent flowers to work yet? That sort of thing is often a first ploy.)

Make that decision coolly. (If you feel like kicking something later, come on here and yell at us. )

"I'm not stupid, I'm not blind, I am no fool."

OP that much is very clear. You sound the exact opposite of that.

I just know how hard it is to think straight when you're in the middle of it

OP it's going to be pretty impossible to rebuild a meaningful relationship with him when there's no remorse, or even admission of guilt! He has to accept what he's done wrong and be truly sorry for it for there to be a chance of making it work - even then it's bloody hard. With his current attitude he's only offering to sweep it under the carpet and carry on more carefully, or at best, stop for now but be more careful next time, that's no offer! There is a book 'not just friends' by Shirley Glass which is really good at helping you assess this type of situation, it might help.

Wow, well done, OP. You absolutely sound as though you have clear sightedness here. Good for you. Don't be hard on yourself if you want to rant, scream and cry. Go crazy (just don't let him see you do it!).

I think rebuilding is a long way off - DH probably doesn't even really know how much he has destroyed.

Sorry your having to go through this OP I've been there done that and I know how hard it is! Keep strong xxx