Am I right to text this woman?

[deutschland83]

Work colleague of DHs, unsolicited messages on his phone. Late night texts when's she's out. Latest is a picture of underwear laid out.

I want to tell her to fuck off.

Should I?

He doesn't know I have seen them.

flanja, it's not the OW who's the problem.

You don't need to react this second - deep breaths, take time to collect your thoughts (and possibly documents etc) and then confront
Agree with this ^
Don't contact her. You need to gather evidence and think through possible outcomes of this (and where it leaves you) while you can, before he knows you know something. Good luck and stay strong

I hope you get the answers your looking for OP. It's an awful situation to be in especially when there's children thrown in the mix. Emotions are high and I'm sure you want to rip both their heads off. Try and stay calm I know it's hard. Myself and other posters have been guilty of flying off the handle I know I messaged my exs ow and bumped into her quite literally in a club Where she fell on her arise. Looking back I wish I handled things much differently. It's easy for a man to take advantage of emotions and make you out to be some physio. I wish I held my head up high and didn't say or do certain things. More so the fact that ex enjoyed two woman fighting over him. You deserve so much more than someone who would be so sneaky for over a year

I'm so so sorry deutsch

That moment when the trusting, happy you is shaken to the core is seismic. Whatever the outcome I wish you strength and belief in yourself.

I'm here, we talked.

I will be back when I can put it down.

We have dcs, yes. I also have a very stressful job with responsibility for a lot of people.

I need to straighten it out.

No RL support.

sending love OP xxx

And from here also, OP. I hope you are as ok as you can be. Take care of yourself.

Take your time op, wishing you lots of strength.

Have the DCs gone off to school?

Been reading from the start and just wanted to wish you strength and (most importantly I feel) composure. Keep us updated OP

Really sorry to read OP, hope you're OK this morning.

So sorry OP, I hope you can work this out to suit you and the kids

thinking of you OP.

I'm sorry OP.
This must be awful.
Phone bills, is exactly how I found out for sure about my ExH cheating.
Deep breaths.
No rush decisions.
No knee jerk reactions.
Take your time!!
Keep your sugar levels up and keep yourself hydrated.

Can you access any RL support?
Any friends you trust who you can talk to.
Talking to others will keep your sanity.
Trust me - I've been there.

Your marriage doesn't have to be over, not if you don't want it to be.
I'd be tempted to send her husband the evidence

Yes but this husband should know so he can make his own, informed decision about his own marriage...no?

I'd be tempted to send her husband the evidence

And what will that achieve exactly? Nothing. AS Becky says, the OP needs to concentrate on her own marriage

I'm not saying she should ( send anything to ow's dh) I'm just saying it's something I would think about doing out of sheer anger.
But yes it wouldn't be a good idea

Ooh, if you had the balls for it, you could really, really mess with his head.

I'm thinking, get the underwear pic, blow it up so it's A4 size or larger, place it on his car windscreen overnight, with an anonymous note saying "I know what you've been up to, I am going to tell your wife"

Next day, I'd tell him that I keep getting silent phone calls.

You get the gist.

I couldn't really be so cunning, I'd be far too emotional.

What I would do though, is send that photo to her Husband. I'm sure he'd be easy to find on Facebook. I'd say "Hi, thought you might recognise this underwear...your wife sent a photo of her underwear to my Husband. They've been texting for over a year. Thought you ought to know". I would bide my time though on that. Get all your ducks in a row first.

Why? Why are people saying they'd do these big dramatic things? How is that going to help the OP? The last thing she needs right now is more drama. She needs to keep a calm clear head and think about her own marriage.

I know people like to read and comment like it's some kind of soap opera but it's not. It's the OP's life and she needs calm and kind support, not somebody writing something like a scene from Eastenders

How is it big and dramatic? All she has to do is call the husband and say "your wife is having an affair" or emotional one as a minimum and a few of the details. It doesn't have to be done in a nasty way but I know for damn sure I would want to know.
Wouldn't you hope to be made aware if your partner was playing away BOP?
Or would you prefer to be blissfully ignorant?

ASk Him. If Unsolicited encourage him to report to HR.