Am I right to text this woman?

[deutschland83]

Work colleague of DHs, unsolicited messages on his phone. Late night texts when's she's out. Latest is a picture of underwear laid out.

I want to tell her to fuck off.

Should I?

He doesn't know I have seen them.

Have you eaten today?

It's ok to be angry - just make sure it keeps being directed at him. You are being so strong and clear.

I'm clear. My father did this. My mother was broken by it. That will not be me. I find cheaters abhorrent due to this.

I have eaten, lots of biscuits and tea.

Hmm. Over-sugarred and over-caffeinated is better than nothing going through the system I suppose. Just.

Try and have something better tomorrow.

Best go for a bath now and then get some sleep. (Or at least lie down and get some rest if you can't sleep.)

Sorry..wrong post...

Good question from cozie. Do eat, deutsch!

They say the partner who puts the least into the relationship is the one most likely to stray. A couple of your remarks suggest you're the more active partner in terms of family as well as earnings - and perhaps under-appreciated?

Commitment is a heart & soul thing. A partner who readily switches off thoughts about their family, relationship, etc, is one who's already somewhat detached - and easily detached further. It's more usually a man because women still do more 'wifework' while men turn their full attention to their hobbies, jobs and social lives.

There are lots of men who just do stuff, family-wise, and who show they're thinking about their partner when separated. I might even suggest life with no partner is easier than one who isn't 100% engaged!

Lots to think about for you, and a summery weekend in view. I hope you will carve some good time out for yourself, to free your mind a bit.

I'm sorry that your dad did this too deutsch. For me, making sure my kids saw me being able to rise up and make something of my life when this happened was a good strong motivator, even when I felt utterly crushed.

I hope you have slept and I hope your weekend offers you some space.

The only response to flirty messages from a colleague when your married, is to tell them to stop and to inform your spouse before deleting them. his 'non response' is a desperate rationalisation to downgrade his at best, poor judgement.

I'd confront DP, but I'd be tempted to text back as the wife - just say I'm his wife, I've seen all the messages, stop humiliating yourself!

Bananas have you read the whole thread?

I'm here, I've eaten, slept, showered and hung out with the kids and friends.

I have spoken/yelled at DH many times.

Someone mentioned disappointment, it's the sheer bloody disappointment of it all. It's such school boy behaviour and shifting of blame to me.

I didn't make you text a woman when I was in hospital last year, so why the fuck did you you shit???

There's no answer ever to that. There will be no 'pick me dance', there will be a 'how the fuck do you think you have space under my roof' dance instead.

If we didn't have kids, he'd be gone. So I need to figure out how to stay or how to go and do this properly for my children.

All trust is gone, so this will be a very long road.

I'm also asking for this thread to be deleted. But I will be back, I need more strength and courage than I have x

I am so, so sorry this happened Deutschland.

Good for you.

Whatever was going on in his head the way to deal with it was to communicate and try to improve things, not to look outside your relationship.

Every couple goes through bad spells, it's the bad spells that are the benchmark of how good that relationship actually is. Some use the bad times to try to draw closer, others shut their partners off and think they deserve to look elsewhere.

Good luck Deut, you HAVE amazing strength

That's true. Tremendous strength.

Good luck, deutsch.

Does he know how close he has come to losing/wrecking everything? Has he apologised or shown any remorse? That is when you'll know what to do next. Have you told friends in RL? Don't keep his secrets for him. if you need to talk, then talk. I hope you don't delete this thread, because it contains wisdom for other people besides you. All the best.

I meant to add - my DP didn't clock what he'd done until I told him I'd been looking at property to move into with the children.....

If you are only staying because you have DC they are the best reason to leave.

He can still be a great hands on dad and you are teaching them not to accept substandard behaviour in relationships.

Staying for the kids will make you miserable.

Ignore her.

She can do nothing of your h is unresponsive and loyal to you, his wife.

Have you asked him why this woman is sending him these texts?

Good luck

Erm, have you bothered to RTFT winky?

Good luck OP