Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

It's gone so quite on here! I'm a long time lurker and this thread has helped me to get back on the horse!

Tomorrow is my first date since Exh and I'm bricking it! I haven't dated in 10 years and from what I've seen here it's a whole new ball game!

I went on tinder last weekend for an ego boost more than anything. I only swiped on really hot men just to see the interest. I matched with almost all the men I swiped left on. and had over 10 super likes! Ego massively inflated! I've put on there I have 3 kids so really didn't expect it! ( I know that sounds bad but in my head I thought it would people off)

How are first dates for everyone? Do you feel really nervous or just crack on? And what's your thoughts on men who don't have kids wanting to date mothers?

Ooh minop what fun! Try and go into date zero with, er, zero expectation. Treat it as a bit of flirting practice.

Sounds like you'll get lots of opportunity to practice!

I'd be open minded about a guy not having kids. I'd be happy happy to suss him out as long as he was clear my baby making days were behind me..

Good luck, have fun... And report back!

Hi everyone!

I’m back for a quick visit.

Barb sorry to hear about your experience. All I can say is that the behaviour of some people is mystifying, but it does tell you that you dodged a bullet later, when you’d perhaps opened up to him more.

Handy Sounds like you have your feet firmly on the ground, whilst being able to appreciate the moment. Go for it!

Freaky Slow burn is good.

Foxtrot

Sassy I’m sorry to hear what happened. There’s no advice that I can give, other than your advice to others is invariably right so listen to your gut reactions.

And apologies to those I’ve missed – It’s good to hear your updates.

I haven’t posted as I’ve been trying to sort out some of the other not so good bits in my life, which need effort and application. Needless to say there’s no news on the dating or romance fronts.

Haha! Not sure about slow burn anymore!
Doofus has suddenly turned into Mr Flirt. We were chatting tonight and he suggested meeting up on bank holiday Monday, which is great. We were joking a bit about pulling sickies on Tuesday. I suggested finding a nice country pub halfway between us for lunch and he came out with "err, I was actually thinking that I could head over your way, stay over if things go well and we could both pull sickies on Tuesday" Then apologised if he was moving too fast.
I'm not averse to the idea, to be honest. Part of me finds it very appealing and it was LOVELY to have a good old suggestive flirting session with him just then but I need to be a bit careful and make sure I don't get into another Bacon situation.
Hmm, think I need to sleep on this one. I need to work out what I actually want. And what's feasible. Hmm.

Well, I've had a super weird day - loads and loads of messages on Pof, no idea why!
IndieBoy is still texting as if nothing has happened, so I'm keeping him on the back burner. He needs to know he wants me
I have a coffee date with Sirens on Wednesday, and a lunch date on Saturday with a new one who I shall name HistoryDude. It's all kind of exploded, and I'm a bit scared. I don't know if my judgment is ok!!
Added to that, my ex is hankering, and texting all the time.
I must be putting out some pheromones or something - this never happens!
This sounds all boasty, but it's really really not, I'm a bit confused if truth be told!!

Hmm, Freaky, see what you're thinking there, maybe put that idea on hold and decide later in the week? Only date 2 isn't it? Or have I lost track (quite possible).

Freaky lunch only with Doofus? would that work? keep him dangling for DTD?

Yup, only date 2 and we've not even snogged yet so bit of a leap to be making plans for DTD! Especially after how he behaved when I asked him in for coffee...it's all a bit really but all the more reason to get to know each other better before DTD and before he stays over really as that's quite intimate too!

freaky I missed what happened when you asked him in?

Well... I've decided it must be me ...no interest on tinder or pof for 48 hrs so both suspended /hidden. I reinstated match this morning to see what was out there lots of views but nothing else and it's so hard as car man is showing as on line with a new profile pic in my messages...I can't look at it too clearly as match would tell him I'd looked at his profile!!! Arghhhh need to work out how to block or blacklist him so I can't see his activity. itman still sending the odd text but More like a mate than a date. ...

Morning all!

Lots of lovely activity on the dating thread. I'm also doing absolutely fine. (More than actually). I just had to be honest with myself about not wanting to date. Now that that's done I'm much happier and focussing on me. . Fun is the name of the game this summer.

mrcalm has taken where I am completely in his stride and said he would love to continue to get to know me (only as a friend, nothing else). With maybe potential for more one day, but equally fine if not. It's nice to have met a proper grown up.

So reddish what happened in the end? Did you contact her for closure? Or did you leave it?

waving how did meeting with mum go? (Sorry if I missed that)

fox and handy oooo, sounds good. handy what do you have planned for this weekend?

314 hope you are doing ok.

batshit are you ok? Sorry your FWB did that. I kind've understand (a little) where the IDWAR's are coming from. I've got so much emotional stuff I need to process, I'm not capable of taking someone else's emotions into account (which is a core part of dating/ relationships). I can categorically say that it isn't you (and it really isn't). it's why I've reset with mrcalm so early on.

bubbling I find that convo fascinating (About the 50 something men with young children in tow. ) So what are they looking for now? Similar aged women? I'm 40 and found a lot of 50 something men trying to get together with me when on dating apps. There are also a lot of men in their 40's looking for women in their 30's as they've hit 45 and decided (after decades of womanising) that they want a family. . Such catches not.

datingbarb it's happened to everyone on this thread at some point. Count your lucky stars it happened so early on. The more experienced OLDers in this thread just know to try and invest very little into someone in the early dates. It's not easy but it has to be done.

Oooo freaky this sounds promising!!! Will await further updates.

Hi to all the newbies and sorry to everyone j haven't responded to. Uber busy thread!

I have a question. Summer is looming. As are prospects of nice long evenings eyeing up non appropriate men for anything but a relationship. Who is up for a London meet up?

Also, where did gast and some of the other threaders go?

Freaky dtd on date 2 - nah, that's not going to work. Especially if there's been no snogging!! And not after Bacon.

Wonder if he was just feeling a bit frisky keen, last night.

Hurray for your flurry of activity Sky

Hello all. I still read this thread several times a day. It's all going well with me and my never-named iron, it's been 2 months now, but of course I am still constantly worrying and waiting for it all to go wrong! I don't think I'll ever be any different!

Hi all!

Sorry I'm dipping in and will read all shortly!

I've been busy painting, collecting furniture and still working and gym. My spare time is sparse!

Quick update before I respond to you all later re your dating situations!

I LOVED last night in the house. I drunk wine, painted, and danced. I felt GOOD being alone, and I haven't felt that way since the break up.

Had an unexpected text from an old RL iron, I won't name him as he won't be popping up again. We met through my ex (friend of friend), and were both in a bad place as he had recently split with his ex too. It was all a bit messy and weird, and ended as quickly as it started. He phoned for a catch up and we traded dating advice before saying it was just the wrong time for us. It cleared the air between us, which was nice as we are now in the firm friend zone and I expect we will turn out to be pretty good friends.

Another update - YPT was working yesterday. Offered to come help me with house stuff. Didn't expect him to follow through but he did. We spent a good few hours talking and painting. It's just a strange situation. We bounce off each other. There is definitely a chemistry between us (and we spoke about it openly, including his on/off attitude). Absolutely nothing happened, but we also agreed we both need to take it slow, and in the meantime we are still both free to do what we want- we are both out of long term relationships, and we feel we both need just a bit of time to not rush anything and take it as they come. It's made me relax a lot, because I now know where things stand between us.

Another RL iron update - Cherry wishes to spend more time together, as friends. I did think we would have a FWB situation, but whilst I'm happy to date, if I want to pursue things with YPT, I don't think that's suitable

Morning all!

Sky He gave me a lift home so I asked him in for coffee (hoping for a bit of a snog/sofa fumble), and we had a cup of coffee and a chat (and he played with DS's Lego ), then he gave me a hug and left. Then when he got home sent me a message thanking me for a "nice" night, which left me wondering how interested he was.
So, it was actually really good last night that he suggested meeting up on Monday as that's the first opportunity that we're both free. And it's good that he's indicated that he is interested in me like that. And nothing he said was too explicit..just some nice, suggestive flirting which I fully participated in (and enjoyed!) So, yeah, a big part of me is like "wahey, GO DOOFUS!"

But I am definitely going to say that it's too early for the whole staying over thing. It's not even so much the idea of DTD too early..just the whole thing of having him in my house overnight and spending so much time together when we hardly know each other is giving me the wiggins! So, brakes are going on, I'm setting my standards and we'll see how he reacts.

Well done with all your irons Sky! It can be like that sometimes, famine or feast! Take your time and enjoy.

Minop Welcome and good luck on you date today! What are you doing? Handy is right, try to keep expectations low, treat it as practice and enjoy! There's a really good Matthew Hussey video on YouTube with first date tips that's worth a watch if you feel like you need it.

Handy Are you seeing Twix today?

what It is worth hiding profiles when things start getting stale I think, then unhiding in a couple of weeks and getting some new interest. What's the story with carman? Think I missed that....

Sassy Hello! Glad you are ok, lovely. And things with MrCalm sound good. He's well named! Gast and other ex-threaders are still active on the FB group. Probably still lurking here too...
And hell yes to a summer London meet up! I'm imagining a roof top bar, cocktails and eyeing up some young hipster types...who's in?

Jolly Glad things are going well. The worry never ends though does it? Like having kids...

And on that note, I better get on with some work...

Ooh yay for a busy thread, I've missed it!!

freaky quite some turn around from a friendly hug to staying over! I mean lovely and all but something in the middle would be nice! See how he responds to mid ground by suggesting meet up, meal, drinks and snogging etc...

reddish nice to see you popping back, have you just left it now and written her off? Hope you are ok!

handy its Tuesday twix day!!

misszp you and YPT are a funny pair, if there is chemistry and you both seem to keep gravitating back to one another, what do you think stops you from taking it any further?

jolly wow that's definately a thing! Good going, how exciting!! Where did you meet again?

sassy I'm glad you are ok and happy with where you're at right now. Do keep coming back to read and join in though!

whatamI don't be disheartened it's NOT you but things go like this! Loads at once then nothing. For ages!! Me too, mines ridiculous and no balance, either dates and messages coming out my ears or radio silence for weeks. Keep going!!!

skyrabbit how funny, exactly what I just said above, it does go like that! Enjoy it and just have fun. Keep us updated about the dates and iron names?

I'm currently trying to juggle 2 very keen and quite full on irons at once, both from tinder. I feel bad because I'm chatting a LOT to both and have dates booked in, but feel a bit dishonest even though I've not met them yet so owe nothing to them at this point so not sure why it feels like cheating! I'm not sure I will fancy either of I'm honest, but both are funny and chatty and I'm enjoying the banter. It's just a shame that the soonest we could arrange to meet was Thursday and Saturday nights for zeroith dates and by the amount of messaging we've done in the week I've matched with them both, I feel like I've struck up quite a rapport and it's going to be a shame and also awkward if I don't fancy at least one of them!! Gah, even when it's going well it's bloody complicated!

Yep. Twix day for meeeee!! Yippeeeeee!

He's doing me dinner..... sweeeet! No plans yet for the weekend....

Loving your jugglin' last tee hee!

And you are dessert handy!!

I've almost forgotten which one of my irons is which a few times and nearly got muddled, it's not actually as fun as it sounds! I'll be very glad to get to Thursday so I can meet the first one disney for drinks and either rule him out before Saturday's zeroith date meal with scottish I'm convinced it's all going to go horribly wrong and I'll have spent a whole week madly chatting and getting along before having 2 nil chemistry dates at the end of it!!

So yesterday we arranged what time to meet but not where, he said he'd sort something. I left the ball firmly in his court, then not heard anything all day. I thought give it till 6, two hours before meeting for him to let me know before I write it off. Nothing.
So I cancelled the babysitter at 20 past. 2 mins later he tries phoning. So I didn't answer and I'm not going to. I might have been out the game a while but I know this isn't right!
Back to the other irons!
The success story's on here give me hope! Have great night tonight handy

Exciting updates!

Freaky I can recognise some of Doofus’ style. Here’s a possible interpretation. He’s keen, but he doesn’t want to come across as a pick up artist whose only idea is to get you between the sheets as soon as possible. So he tries to play the respectable gentleman and walks back home with a limp, just like after the coffee session. So he made the suggestion then tried to back out of it in case you were offended, giving face saving on both sides if necessary to keep the embryonic relationship going.

Lots of men don’t know how to flirt. You may have to teach him. But he does sound like a more straight down the line sort of guy, trying to do the right thing and getting confused.

Sky I think that POF and other free dating sites highlight certain profiles every day which brings them to others attention. Men will send messages having had your profile out in front of them. The same thing happens, gender reversed. Don’t worry if you think your judgement is off. Rely on the gut instinct.

Sassy glad to hear you’re happy and doing well. And it seems to have given mrcalm the chance to show his qualities for when you’re ready. For my own situation I sent a letter a couple of weeks ago (and to my great benefit I can’t really now remember what it said, though I wanted it to be ‘nice’) and have had no response. So think she’s dealing with her demons, or not, as the case may be. Would have been good to have closure. Handy made a comment upthread about having so much chemistry, care would have to be taken that things didn’t crash and burn. That comment resonated, as I suspect that’s what happened.

And I’m up for a meeting if I’m allowed and won't cramp anyone’s style! And I promise not to date the thread. Feel free to tell me if its ladies only - I wont be offended. There are certain things a man of my sensitive disposition shouldn't know.

Hey everyone, I used to be on here regularly a few months ago, but have been lurking of late. I gave up on OLD, after a series of douche-bags. I left my profile on OKC, but didn't go on to 'search' got on with my life, going out with girls, threw myself into projects in the house. I'd get the odd 'hi', 'hey beautiful' messages which I ignored. Couple of weeks ago I got a lovely message from a guy who had clearly read my profile and seemed very sweet, I answered and I can't believe what a gem I have found (he disabled his account after our first meeting, no prompting, no discussion), he is the most romantic guy I've ever met (just back from a picnic date - which was his idea, he prepared and brought everything with him). He's so much fun and we just giggle our way through every date, no pressure or heavy talks, its perfect for me right now. I've got high hopes for this one, just when I thought romance was dead these days with OLD and candy shop mentality, he's come along and restored my faith. Just wanted to give another success story, don't sweat it, I really thought no decent men were left, especially not on OLD, but I was wrong. Good luck everyone!

AWWW!

Just messaged Doofus to say sorry but after thinking about it, him staying over wasn't the best plan because we really should go to work on Tuesday and anyway, it felt like too much too soon. And suggested that I come into London and meet him for lunch or something instead. He replied straight away to say that he'd been looking forward to cuddles and breakfast in bed on Tuesday morning but that he totally understood. CUTE! So, standards have been set, I'm looking forward to an afternoon in London and I really like that he was most looking forward to breakfast in bed And it's looking likely that I'll get a snog on Monday which is making me

reddish I like your interpretation. I do think he's a straight down the line kind of a guy. He knew what he wanted and went for it in a kind of clumsy way, which is pretty endearing. He's guileless which is refreshing as Bacon was 100% guile. Not sure how experienced he is at this whole relationship/dating game, will try and get that out of him on Mon...

I think you have to take sending the letter as your closure to be honest. You've said your piece..sometimes that's as good as it gets. Are you still looking? Or taking a break?

last You definitely have your hands full! I know what you mean about the dishonesty. I think that's part of why I can't do multiple irons...it just feels wrong to me. I messaged someone on Tinder today and felt a bit of a twinge of guilt which is daft after one date and no exclusivity talk (though Doofus did let it drop that he's not chatting to anyone else) I am totally not judging anyone that does multiple irons by the way, I think until you've had that chat, you are free to do whatever you want...I can just never get my head round it.
Anyway, at least one of your irons has to pan out, surely? Did you ever hear any more from Vamp?

Prizey! Welcome back! And with lovely news too! He sounds like a proper sweetheart, how many dates have you had?

minop oh what a shame, if you'd agreed a time to meet and a day why did you feel that you needed to cancel the sitter? Could it have been crossed wires or that he was just working in the day and phoned to confirm as soon as he could?

reddish nice to see you back again, do keep popping in its nice to hear a mans side and input

prizey that's lovely, and how you've described it is exactly as it should be. So lovely, I do love the success stories makes it all worth while!

freaky!!! Am so excited about doofus creeping in out of the woodwork there, another strike for low/no expectation zeroith dates! And ohhh bless to the cuddles and breakfast in bed, I'd probably have caved in at that point, well done you, hope the snogging is good!! So different to bacon, in a good way!!

I agree in the multiple irons, it's not something I've got into before or would be keen to repeat. When I'm talking to someone and we've clicked, arranged a date etc I don't usually carry on looking until I've met them and checked out what's happening there. But these 2 both matched with me on tinder and started sending me messages on the same day so it just snowballed from there. Knowing either one of them would be hurt if they knew I was chatting so frequently to another iron isn't sitting well with me but yet I've not met either and as such don't really owe them an explanation quite yet. Once I've had a date with each one I'll sort it out, but it can't come soon enough to be honest! No, I havnt heard back from vamp and I do miss him, he's going to be a hard one to beat and if I ever get such amazing chemistry and snogging from a first date again I'll be amazed. He did message me last so the balls in my court but it pretty sure I'm doing the right thing as difficult as it may be