Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

What - I missed your update - good luck with the date!

Hi I've been dabbling in OLD this week and am really confused by it all. It's a blinking minefield.

Have a oKC account, not many details on there and didn't have a photo. Saw a man I liked on there on Mon and messaged him. We "spoke" a few times Mon, and few times yesterday. Talked about meeting for coffee sometime soon (I can't be bothered to message for ages!) and yesterday eve he asked if I could upload a photo so he could see what I looked like. I did. Radio silence until lunchtime today when he just said "thanks for photo, have a nice day x" wtf? I get I might not be his type but is it not just polite to say so rather than send a message like that??

Anyhow putting a photo on there prompted 35 messages yesterday eve. One wanted to just arrange a date and not chat, one wanted to see me but only during the week (married?), a lot of "hi" messages. And then some man who wanted to clean my house naked while I insulted him.....I'm considering that one ;)

Are there no decent men out there? Am i on the wrong site?

Hahahah Strawberry! Sorry but that sounds bloody typical of OLD and especially OKC...there do seem to be a lot of fetishy types on there.

To be perfectly honest, if you can get someone to agree to coffee without posting a photo then you are doing bloody well. I won't even talk to someone with no photo. I'm not looking for a stunner (cos I'm not one myself!) but there has to be some kind of physical attraction. And is helps to weed out the ones with something to hide...

There are decent men out there. I've met some. They're just not for me. There are twats out there too. Chatted to lots of them and met one or two. It's a numbers game. Thicken your skin and jump in!

I prefer Tinder these days. Easy and simple, no stupid gimmicks and men can only message you if you match. Perfect! (except when you accidentally SuperLike people...)

strawberry I found OKCupid the worst! Seriously not one man In a 200 mile radius that I would even consider messaging, same with zoosk to be honest.

I find tinder the best, yes your purely going on looks at most people write nothing in the profile but least that was your only getting messages from people you may be slightly intrested in. POF is ok but again hardly anyone I would even consider a date with

Ok, when I said that decent men were not for me...I meant that I have met some nice guys that I have not clicked with, not that I am not looking for a decent guy.

Hey Freaky,

Aye, I'm fine, warming up a couple of irons, including the stonemason I have been intermittently chatting with.

CM has been very reasonable, but I've cancelled going to the gig tonight, partly not to make things awkward, and partly because I'm full of the cold, and not sure if he's being slightly passive aggressive. I've pulled back a lot, and in doing so, it's highlighted all the incompatibilities in life experience and views, and the things that slightly irritated me that would grow into big things.

The thing with my ex-H, it's not that I want back with him, I don't. I just miss the simplicity of what we had when it was good, and the natural way in which we got together. Those were the days, before technology took over!

What Freaky and Barb said- minus the superlike bit

Tinder I prefer - but there is a lot of radio silence. Although with the number of matches you have potential for, it does mean you increase your chances of finding someone to chat with! I do come across people that I am more initially physically attracted to on there too.

Today on Tinder I lowered my lower age limit by a year or two... It isn't that I would date anyone that young necessarily, but I don't see the harm in seeing who is out there. Is that wrong?! Then... I saw Dom on there and closed the ap. Not because I don't expect him to be on there, but I didn't realise he was that much younger! Thinking back to the weekend, he probably did tell me, but seeing it in black and white brought it home that we are likely to be at very different stages in life facepalm

Tanya I think trust your instinct in any situation, and I hope you feel better soon!

Well lift man isn't going to any floors. Had coffee chatted but just nothing there. Well it got me out for a few hours. plane man got a bit suggestive so I've not answered his last message see if he either gets the hint or buggers off. Oh well the question is do I reinstate match or leave it for a bit ...

Hope everyone is ok and if anyone is on dates tonight good luck and hope you have fun.
Marvel surprised me this morning by turning up at the bus station to say good morning in person. He always messages me to say it in the morning but today he didnt so i sent him a good morning message and he didnt reply. Talking to a friend waiting for the same bus looked up and he was walking towards me!
Said good morning and kissed me best start to the day ive had in months waited until my bus arrived and went home to finish getting ready for work.

Been chatting to a couple of guys on Tinder .... thought one was a goer for a date - and he was up for it too.... I'd mistakenly forgotten to ask what he was looking for as it was clearly a hookup! Shame, he was hot

This has probably been asked many times before so I apologise in advance but what is the best dating site? I've used Tinder, which I find very user friendly but my RL friends tell me it's just a hook up site (not what I'm looking for), is this really the case?

Hello lovely daters!

Just starting to think about OLD again after a few POF disasters... Hoping to build up my confidence enough to get chatting to some guys (I'm a single mum) but past experience has made me really nervous.

Moving - I'm not sure about trying POF again, even though I can laugh about it now (sort of), but I have signed up for a free dating app called Happn (haven't chatted to anyone yet so can't rate it) and thinking about Tinder as didn't try that last time and a friend met a LTP on there. HTH

Now just need to think of some good opening messages

Moving- actually I've met and spoken to guys who were looking for relationships on there. Yes there are people looking for hook ups, FWB or just friendship but there are guys looking for something more long term too. Shame I didn't fancy the ones I met wanting that as they were lovely people!

Ooh- nevermind, chalk it up and onto the next one!

Muddling- I don't know the full story with marvel but how lovely of him :)

What- sorry to hear about the no chemistry... It's really gotta be there though in some form hasn't it?!

muddling how absolutely lovely was that!! What a romantic gesture...

left good luck! For opening messages, I just pick out something from their profile and send a brief and light message mentioning it. Could be one of their likes, something they've written about themselves, or even just the job they have listed

moving there are some of each type of guy on all the sites to be fair. I'm on or have used, tinder, POF, and OKC and they are all as bad (or good!) as each other. You just have to keep plodding on.

barb any news/change your end? Funny how there are 3 of us so close by in area!

what it's always a real shame when there's no chemistry and a bit disappointing. Well done for putting yourself out there and on to the next one!

tanya hope you are ok lovely, sorry things didn't pan out better for you and cm good luck with your new irons!

No news my end, other than my 3 amazing dates iron vampire seems to have cooled off a bit lot which is horrible as I was rather keen even though I did my best not to over invest too soon! I mean what was I thinking, it's been 2 bloody weeks since we started chatting and I've met this dude 3 times. Just did the typical woman thing and totally scared him away I think with my needy ways

I met marvel on pof but there was a LOT of wading through unsuitable matches. Match.com has been a waste of money and i wish i hadnt bothered!

Marvel and i nearly didnt have a 2nd date his phone broke and wasnt sending his messages he thought i was blanking him i thought he was doing the same to me he nearly sent me a snotty message via pof about blanking him. But ge sent me a lovely one saying he thought we had a good 1st date but was worried he had upset me somehow. I said never received the texts and now its a running joke between us we had several dates kissing is amazing comfortable easy talking no awkwardness he sends me my first text of the day and my last one at night.

Just disabled OKcupid, my pOf is hidden.

So, that's it. Syanara daters. You've given me such a laugh!! I'll be lurking, and posting occasionally but not dating.

x

Oh I remember now muddling ! Just goes to show, sometimes there IS actually a rational explanation! We'd all be assuming he was ignoring you and laugh off any suggestions of phone trouble because for the most part that's the case. Lovely to know not always!

314 what made you decide to do that? Hope you are ok

I'm definitely OK.

I just decided that I want to enjoy the summer, you know? not spend hours trawling through messages/profiles trying to find men roughly my age who're prepared to risk meeting up! got my yoga class now, and I feel I proved something (good) to myself when I set off on my own and went to that meet up lecture yesterday, and although there are no job offers on the horizon, I seem to be getting called back for interviews more. I feel like the ground is shifting beneath me a bit. Exam on Friday, if I pass it, it will be a good one for the CV. I will aim to enjoy the summer. I did enjoy the dates I went on but begging men who live miles away from me anyway to go on a date......... nope. Not right now.

xx

Good for you, 314 - put your energy into you and enjoy it. You've got lots of good things going on.

Sorry, me again. Do I have to reply to all my messages on there? Is it rude to just ignore the "hi" ones?

A lot of them seem to be into 50 shades stuff. Is this the norm now?

One man this evening says he's a doctor, seems unlikely, should I trust my intuition?

Are all men on OLD so pushy? Three this eve asked if they could meet me this evening. I don't want to chat for weeks but a few days would be good...

Hi everyone! And welcome to more new posters

314 I think you sound really positive and in a good place for yourself at the moment. Please do keep lurking, I enjoy your input so much on the thread and I do hope you will post occasionally. Over the last couple of years I have done similar to you every 4-6 months or so and had a dating hiatus. It really refreshes me.

muddling how lovely, marvel sounds fantastic!

last sorry to hear that vampire appears to be fading. What needy ways do you think you showed?

moving I have only really used tinder for similar reasons to other posters above, that its quick and only matches can send you messages. You have vetted them a bit first! In my limited 12hr experience OKC was dire and a cesspit of desperate 'please talk to me' messages from awful men. Tinder isn't just for hook ups, you'll find the whole range of men on there similar to all the sites - married men looking for extramarital fun , casual hook ups, and men looking for long term relationships. It's weeding out the undesirables that takes effort.

what it is a shame there was no chemistry but at least you met him, you would never know otherwise. I would get back looking for more irons and leave plane man to either step up or disappear. In the meantime you'll be busy cultivating more matches.

tanya I know what you mean about the simplicity of meeting men when we were younger, things have changed so much now. It is a shame about CM but better to recognise things that aren't right at this stage.

misszp definitely give Amy Young a watch!

Handy a very lovely Twix update from you it makes me feel very happy for you.

In my news I am allowing myself more swooning but with occasional pinching. Leicester texts consistently and calls me when he says he will, I've spoken to him twice this week already. He admitted he had told his mum about me. I keep thinking something is going to go wrong, I am relaxed but not totally. I daren't relax yet in case I'm smitten and I emotionally invest too soon. I really like him. A lot . No third date yet but he did mention tonight meeting again after this week when he is less crazy busy.

Strawberry just reply to the ones that you want to strike up a conversation with. Definitely trust your instinct, if something seems off it probably is.

strawberry I wasn't on POF for long because I met someone and hid my profile after that. But for the couple of weeks I was there I didn't reply to people who just said "hello", or "hey sexy" - that sort of thing. I only replied to people who wrote at least a few sentences and had clearly read my profile. And I didn't reply to people who said dodgy stuff.

drfox really not sure if I can be bothered at the minute looking for more irons ! plane man as expected has completely disappeared, and am glad about that. My match account is suspended and not sure about ever reactivating it. Really haven't had a good experience on there.
The question is should I try tinder or one of the other free ones ?

what I found tinder fun, there were some very entertaining moments, hilarious profiles which were good to screenshot and have a laugh with friends. You have nothing to lose by giving it a go!