Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Handy I'm in the same once a week situation as you, and only able to see vampire on a Saturday night. He works nights, plays sports and the 3 nights of the week he's free I'm only free one.(Saturday!) can't see this changing any time soon, but for me it's early days. I need to make like handy and cope with this idea better!! Model your acceptance of slow unfolding rather than hurry the f@#% up Saturday!!

Don't get me wrong last I'm on the 'hurry the f@#% up Tuesday bench. Glued to it!

Just trying really hard to stay chilled. It's not easy!!!!

last it really isn't a new frame of mind, I'm still 100% convinced that's it and I will not hear another word! But I will try my hardest and go with my friends theory! I'm so desperate to text and just see if I get a response at least that way I will know..... Seems so unfair that I have to wait another 5 days for a answer, I don't even know if I should be cancelling my sitter

barb when's he home? Can you leave contacting him until then to give him a chance to get back in touch and secure the date?

Evening everyone, wow the thread moves fast.

barb I'd really relax about this and put it out of your mind. You've only had one date so far right? You need to emotionally and mentally pull back, especially with OLD. If I was on holiday and someone i had been on one or dates with messaged me, I'd probably leave it tbh. I think you're a little over invested so far. Are you chatting to anyone else?

handy glad to hear you and twix are still doing fab! I think once a week sounds heavenly if I'm honest. You both sound busy but making that time is brilliant.

sky block away, that is weird.

tanya I'm sorry about CM. That behaviour would have me running a mile. Just too much too soon. Did he reply to your text? What's the deal with the ex? Been in touch since you DTD? How you feeling?

freaky that had me laughing out loud! It reminds me of the time my gf sent a shitty text about her stbx to me. Or so she thought. She sent it to him instead. It's ok. We've all been there. good work on the irons.

waving you are officially our inspiration! That's great news!

Sorry I've missed so many out. . to thread.

Did we lose the fellas? bant and reddish updates please!

On my front, I've cooled off on the messaging with mrcalm. Date 3 and 4 are in the diary already and I remain undecided about staying over with him. I'm not really sweating it though and will see how it plays out.
I also see mrfrench this Thursday....
Am enjoying work and personal life too much at the moment to focus on dating.

I'm glad I gave you all a laugh! I'm over it now. No harm done really, worst case scenario is that he thinks I'm a obsessive stalker weirdo. Best case, it's really messed with his head!

And the de/re-regging thing worked out really, really well as my Super Like was from.....MrEloquent! Yayyayayay! He messaged me this evening to tell me I'm gorgeous (man has taste!) Things started to get a little suggestive so I reigned him in and we've had a nice little chat. Lovely! And I'm proud that I stopped the steaminess in its tracks for a change.

Tanya I'm sorry about CM. But it does sound as though things are moving just too fast. Are you completely pulling back from him or just slowing things down?

Dating Listen to your friend (and Sassy!) Think positive. The date is set for Sat, there's no reason for him to change his mind. Keep yourself busy in the meantime! Can you make a back up plan with a friend just in case he does cancel? Which he won't but it might help your frame of mind to know you are doing something on Saturday.

Sky Yeah, definitely block! If someone told me they were off to the gym, I wouldn't be messaging after 2 hours! Bloody hell!

314 Enjoy yoga! I did some Davina workouts in my socks I got a FitBit for my birthday and I'm developing an addiction to tracking calories and exercise.

Last We should do a Reading meetup with Barb and compare notes Ooh, or double/triple date. That wouldn't be awkward at all...

Sassy You sound as cool as always! I'm sure you will handle MrCalm just perfectly...

last he is back Saturday we are meant to be going out Sunday! I will leave it and just wait!

I'm just one of these people who hates not knowing... I'm like it about anything, if I know then fine but the not knowing drives me mental

I told y'all. I've no irons! I'm dating myself now. It's working out fairly well. I'm the one. We went to yoga earlier. We loved the yoga class. Definitely going back.

Tomorrow I'm going to my first ever meet up event on my own which is scary but I want to do it. It will be, at the very worst, still OK which will remind me that I am a warrior. I'm a Virabhadr (III)

Hi everybody!

314 'I'm the one' I love it! I did similar tonight and immersed myself in exercise and socialising to try not to think of Leicester.

Waving that really is a good update, MTG sounds like he is considering your point of view in all this and that is a very good sign I think. I hope the dinner goes ok.

Handy L is for lust or lost the plot I think you are doing very well with being limited to once weekly! It won't be for long and this short time will soon seem like no time at all.

barb I'm agreeing with everyone else, get busy with other things so you aren't focused on whether he's texting or not.

Sassy I think your attitude with mrcalm is great, there's no need to sweat it and you can change your mind about staying over at any point.

Meg I am the sort of person who needs instant chemistry and attraction. I have never been in a situation where it has developed later on. That is just me though, everybody is different.

Freaky oh my god!!! That is my worst tinder nightmare but just the sort of thing I would do. My friends would then spend weeks pissing themselves laughing at me. Oooh regarding MrEloquent though!

In my news - I have been quietly preparing myself for a possible slow fade from Leicester. But he rang me tonight which was a huge surprise and very lovely . In major danger of swooning but I think I can bring myself back from the brink!! I'm having a difficult time believing that I'm not going to be slow faded in view of my past dating experience and his recent past situation. But I do think that is a good thing as I'm not getting overinvested (yet!).

Real life being totally awkward and getting in the way of keeping up with the thread. Not on!!! Actually awkward is not quite true. Horrendous nightmares with ex more accurate but can't do detail for giving myself away. So just a real quick one to say 314 any job news? Good luck on the meet up!

And handy so pleased things still going well, I am so with you still on the once a week smitten bench and wishing the bloody long week away!!! We sound very similar, enjoying the slow unfold and not wanting to involve the children. But starting to acknowledge real feelings. Trying to relax and enjoy it.

Sorry to not mention everyone else, I'm so shattered this is the best I can do! But good luck to you all, I might not post much but love keeping up when I can

Ladies this thread is giving me hope and tips I'm tentatively dipping my toe back into OLD meeting someone tomorrow lunch for coffee. We've texted for a few days and previously had spoken on the website but both let it go cold then he got back in touch at the weekend. Eek

Sorry Waving I didn't answer your original question! We have no third date planned yet but we do both want to see each other again. He is moving house this week so I'm leaving it up to him when he's not as busy.

Waving Cooking dinner and watching TV sounds bloody lovely!
And yeah, Eloquent is the most IDWARy IDWAR ever. But has always been very upfront about it. He's bloody perfect apart from that, which is a damn shame and we don't seem to be able to leave each other alone. I am being careful though, hence reigning in the steaminess last night.

What Welcome! And good luck for your coffee date tomorrow.

Tulip Sorry about your ex. Pop in when you can x

Barb Not knowing is absolute hell, I really sympathise. But I still don't think you have anything to worry about. He'll be back.

Foxtrot Have a little swoon over Leicester. Go on...it's fun! You sound as though your head is firmly screwed on though.

314 You are a warrior indeed. Enjoy your event tonight.

Right, I am going to have to do some iron naming, else this is going to get confusing. The guy I am seeing at the weekend will be Doofus and the guy I accidentally acquired yesterday is Penpal...for obvious reasons. He said that I was too far to meet up with and he's too short for me (5'7"!!!) but we get on well and he keeps messaging so who knows?! Few more matches on Tinder to follow up on too. Busy time, must be the full moon!

Well from having no interest I have 2 on the go!! No idea how that happened. After the last one I was not gonna bother! So we have lift man tomorrow and plane man who started messaging this morning and is making me laugh. And who's asked for a date twice already but both times I'm already doing something. I hope he believes me and doesn't think I'm brushing him off (I have said that to him as well )!

Well I sent the 'thanks but no thanks' text to the guy who tried to kiss me after the no-chemistry date and he was fine about it!

Sorry if this is TMI but I've had nausea and V&D the past couple of days which is really unusual for me and have been off work... Started idly wondering earlier if I could be pregnant, (split up with guy I'd been dating since Feb last Thursday!) Google suggests that you wouldn't get any symptoms at 10 days (which is all it would be) so I'm probably being massively paranoid but it has worried me!

So being the total dick I am I decided to end my misery and just message, thought if j don't get response then at least I can just cancel the sitter now rather than leave till last minute.

Just messaged saying "how's the jolly...sorry work holiday going? I'm sure your not really just getting lashed up on the local rum!

And yep you guessed it no response despite it being read!

Proper pissed off, how do you have s great date, him arrange the second halfway through the first and send a follow up text 30 mins later to nothing!.... WTF is that about?

Only thing I can think of was he decided a single mum of 4 was a no go, despite him telling me on the date that he takes his hat off to me as his sister is a single mum. I'm actually ready just to delete everything I can't be bothered, what's the point

lana seems unlikely, there are a few nasty bugs around at the moment. I'd do a test soonish just to put your mind at ease.

Away on holiday with my friends. Have just been casually messaging the guy from work chatty stuff (which is weird cos we're hardly friends, we've had about four conversations in real life) and I don't know whether to reply while I'm here or does that seem too keen? Should I be enjoying my amazing life etc?

barb sorry to hear that. I know it's not helpful but messaging again does sound like a mistake. Learn from it and next time try to relax more. I know it seems like playing games.

Arggggggggggg.

So after Sunday I swear MrFit is pulling back away. You know when you just KNOW?

Hi everyone, just catching up and trying not to be all me me me!!!!

Datingbarb it seems from those Amy young videos that "no response is a response", which is oh so hard 😭. We can't help but want others to act as decent human beings but I guess there are different rules in the dating game.
Personally I'm not going to date anyone who's not local, thus may cut down choices, but relocating is not an option!
whatam I don't know how you can juggle two irons! It just all feels so wrong and unnatural but I guess dating has moved on!
My iron has asked me to dinner when I'm free, but not asked for a particular day, which makes it awkward as if I then suggest a day, he may say no! It's honestly a lot of work, and I'm wondering if I have time for it lol

help doesn't feel like juggling two at the minute. Not met either of them just messaging and I chat to so many of my friends this way I'm just thinking like that at present. If after I meet lift man tomorrow I think we're going anywhere I'll see what I do with plane man. After the last one car man I'm being very restrained and not messaging straight back or messaging much at all. Letting them make all the running.

It's a whole new ball game this OLD but I'm getting then hang of it thanks to the tips on this thread.

Hi everyone

My son spilled water on my phone so have been unable to log on for a while. So much has happened on this thread since!!

Barb, I'm so sorry. I'm the same as you and need to know what's happening so don't beat yourself up about texting again. I really think it's bad form of him to not even send a quick reply, no one is that busy. It's hard to not invest when you thought there was a connection but don't pull yourself apart as there are any number of reasons he's being like this.

Meg, what is he doing that makes you think he's pulling away?

Yey to all the happy updates, you give me hope that it might be me one day!

Update in Mrball. He's been texting consistently since I told him about my children (about 5 texts a day) and good morning texts but sometimes they are closed texts that I can't really respond to which makes me think he's abit self centred.

I mentioned a couple of weeks back that I would let him know if I was free this Saturday and i text Friday to let him know I'm free Saturday but he didn't acknowledge that part of the text. Again this morning he said he wanted to see me and I said we would have to arrange a date but again he evaded it by saying he'll get round to it (exact words 'I'll get to that don't you worry).

Not a good sign is it. I'm thinking a) he doesn't want to ever meet and just likes texting, b) he's not single so can't meet, c) is loving me chasing him and wants to string it out longer. I know I should block shouldn't I?

Afternoon all!

freaky what a shame about IDWARy eloquent. At least you know and can control it. The IDWARs will always come back for me (per the previous discussion with 314 about us having to set boundaries with them).

314 I'm in a pretty similar boat to you if I'm honest. Pretty much doing what I need to do, filling my diary with lots of fun stuff over the summer. It's not going to leave much any time for dating which I'm not too fussed about.

tulip and waving sorry about nightmare exes. I'm close to getting my absolute filed and mine could become tricky. Hopefully not but we shall see.

Welcome what.

dating listen to us wise ones who have many scars from our OLD experiences. Easier said than done I know but pull back from vesting so much so early. You are expecting way too much after one date. People on OLD are flaky. Accept that and expect less.
You also have to start believing you are an amazing person and that includes your DC's.Listen it goes without saying, having DC's (and not wanting anymore if you're in my shoes) absolutely shrinks the dating pool. There are plenty of men I meet in real life who would date me in a heartbeat if I didn't have kids.
I am not remotely interested in those men and it does not faze me in the slightest that I have less dates because of my children.
Because on the flip side when I do date someone it will be a grown up who is in the same place as me and understands what it's like to need to prioritise little people.
So if you think someone is scared off because you have DC's, good riddance! You're far better off knowing something like this early on than many more dates down the line.

Sorry, that sounded quite soapboxish but I really want you to get that you will absolutely meet someone/ the right person for you and your DC's. It may take some time and patience and lots of frog kissing.

meg what's changed?

We had the talk last night and although he's sending mixed messages about whether he wants anything long term, I said the only thing I needed was to know that he wasn't messaging other people, and he said that was fine and now we are just going to see how it goes