Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Is 3 weeks too early for the exclusive talk?

I'm newish to OLD, been talking to Stephen for a couple of weeks, even had long chats on the phone. We were supposed to meet for coffee today but last night he told me his name is not Stephen and he's actually 10 years older than his profile pic. I've been coned and I feel like a fool. I've blocked and deleted but the whole experience has really upset me, not sure have the constitution for this sort of malarkey. Anyone else had anything similar?

Oh Moving and he's probably married to boot. Hence why it's best to not invest emotionally, as per The Rules - see p1. Don't feel like a fool, just move on and know that OLD is ruthless but there are diamonds in the rough! You'll toughen up the more you do it. Try not to let it put you off.

Slow no I think 3 weeks might be fine for the exclusive chat. Depending on the circs (and I can't remember yours) remind me the situation? (Sorry for forgetting - eek!) I think really you can ask for anything at anytime. Within reason...

This is - if you can keep it casual and you both know where things stand you are well within your rights to enjoy yourself. Just go in with your eyes open know that it is what it is.

So- Clearly he is not a catch at all if he has shown his hand at how he copes with rejection so early on! I think I'm going to practice this indifference too!

Help - I agree a second date may be worthwhile. I think a spark with that first kiss, even if it if awful, is important! But it could be a slow burner!

Barb - you aren't a dick! I wouldn't panic yet. When I'm dating I sometimes take a while to repond as I want to make sure my text is appropriate. Plus when I'm on holiday I'm always slow to respond! I can read texts and be on and off what'sap or whatever but if I'm enjoying myself I'll wait until I'm back in the hotel room to reply usually.

Slow- I think it depends on the circumstances. If it's right for your situation, then no I don't think it's too early to approach the subject, and anyway, if that's what you would like surely it's better to speak about it now than a month or two down the line when you are more emotionally invested?

Tanya and meg - good luck today!

YPT has shown his hand, I put it out there about us going out sometime and I've not had much of a reaction. So he's lost the prize as I can't be bothered with flakiness (thank you Hussey!). Little gutted, but I'm not sure why as I'm basing it on superficial flirtations, he hasn't really made an effort to show he wants to get to know me on a personal level.

I saw MF out last night (coincidence as he was out with friends as was I). We chatted a little. He's a nice guy. But I just don't feel it.

In other news I think I have a potential new RL iron. He's a friend of a friend and we were both at a get together. Was totally not expecting to get on with him as he's far from my type. We live about ten minutes apart so got a taxi home together (to our own beds)! And swapped numbers. He's text me today and asked to to out sometime.

Anyone else - sorry if I've missed your post- I'm catching up!

Hi everybody and welcome to the new posters!

Just a rather selfish catch up I'm afraid, I'll get chance to read the pages I've missed later.

The weekend with Leicester has gone well, there is definitely chemistry and we want to try to make something work despite the distance between us. But (and there is a but ) my instincts are telling me to hold back a little. There are still circumstances in his life that are less than perfect and I saw that today. A definite pink flag. We have both acknowledged it and are aware it could affect how things move forward but we have agreed that at the moment we just want to see each other and get to know each other. And importantly there is no rush. However I am secretly preparing myself for him to suggest he is not ready for a relationship . I am going to busy myself until I might see him again which may be up to two weeks away. I am also thinking at some point I may have to do the MH speech/ text thing. But maybe I'm thinking the worst, I'm just going to ease back and try to hold myself back from getting emotionally involved.

misszp I love the fact you are finding RL irons!

slow I think three weeks is fine, I guess there is no time scale, just when it feels right for two people.

barb he has arranged a date for when he's back, so I would not read too much into the unanswered text yet. Crack on with your amazing life and other irons.

last lovely update for you

tanya help and meg hope everything goes well with your dates!

Foxtrot - what pink flags were there? I think you are approaching the situation extremely maturely by not investing too much too soon. What makes you think he's not ready? I really believe in gut instinct and listening to it.

I've no idea how I'm finding real life irons!! Usually I attract none, or the player / Nice Guy type. I think increasing my social life and circle recently has helped. I've opened up to saying yes more to different events and experiences, I've no children or dependents so aside from work, my free time is all mine. I am sure it will tail off, but it's something that's been really empowering, because my old self would never have been so open. I always pinned my happiness around my previous relationship, whereas now my focus is on me, on putting myself first. It's been the best lesson I have learned!

The pink flag was concerning his XW, a lot of things are happening, house moves etc. I had a flicker of concern this morning that he might not be ready for a new relationship. Although he says he is, and he acts like he is. He was preoccupied before he left about messages from home, but I guess with kids in the background there will always be the possibility of minor hiccups and changed plans. He has just rung me to apologise he really is very thoughtful. I am still keeping myself in check though, and the distance between us actually helps.

misszp you go girl! Love that you recognised you are the prize and after he didn't step up to claim you with any enthusiasm you wrote it off to move forward. Great attitude well done you! The RL iron sounds good, you're on fire!

foxtrot oh that's a bit of a shame, as I know you actually like this guy. If you've been able to acknowledge and talk about the pink flags together and make a mutual plan of moving forward at least you know where you stand and what you're doing which is actually a lot better than most of us on date 2-4 who are still not able to have such frank and open conversations so have no idea what the plan is if any! I think communication and taking things slowly means you have a chance.

Yes last we have been able to talk honestly about it which has been good. I do actually like him a lot and I think there is a chance but I'm not going to push the next couple of weeks. He has work to do now to make me see he is ready and wants to be with me. We'll see what happens! We are both not dating other people and even if it doesn't work out, I am on a planned tinder hiatus anyway!

Well fox you are one up on most with the clear and candid conversations you've had, and that can only be a very positive thing. If you have both said you don't want to pursue dating others and are giving it your best shot towards each other even if some of the circumstances are difficult ones, then I feel pretty positive for you!

last what do you mean by maintenance mode?

slow think your within your rights to check if he is dating others

moving thanks horrible, what was he thinking he would achieve? Agree prob married to.

miss I like your confidence your right we are the prize! Good luck with your new iron

So I still haven't heard anything since my text yeasterday morning, I really am trying not to panic and telling myself he was the one who asked for second date halfway through the first, he was the one who asked for it as soon as he comes back from his trip, he was the one who texted me after 45 mins after the date thanking me and saying he had a great time!

There were no flags to think he may not be genuine, nothing at all to suggest he is just after one thing etc so I think I just have to be calm and hope that the date is still on and hopefully I will hear from him sometime, our date is next Sunday eve so if I haven't heard anything by midday Sunday I will presume it's all off

Loo update!!

Argh he's lovely and we've had lots to chat about but not sure I fancy him?! I don't know! After a coffee went for a drink though. He's definitely keen on me.

Hi all, I have a date tonight! Reinstated Tinder yesterday and matched this afternoon, he lives quite far away and isn't here for long so I've agreed to a quick drink this evening!

Fox - it sounds like you are having the right conversations. I can understand caution, but I think if actions continue to match the words... You are off to a positive beginning.

Meg- glad he seems lovely, shame you may not fancy him, but update us later!

Barb- have you heard anything from him yet? I wouldn't write it off just yet... He is on holiday after all. He may be the type who just switches off when he's away. Personally, it would irritate the shit out of me too, but then if that's the type of texter/person he is, then it is. Admittedly I (personally) would find it a little rude not to send a quick acknowledgment or hello. Keep us updated on if you do hear from him, but if you don't, then he's an idiot for ghosting you.

Kane- good luck with the date tonight!

Does anyone else find that on tinder you get a lot of people who want to match, but not talk, or is it just me?!

Barb- again, thank you for the compliment re my confidence, but I really am faking it until I make it. I'm following some of the wonderful advice on here re the rules, I've read WMLB and I've watched some MH, so I'm trying to channel my inner diva a little for when it's needed as previously I was always 'the nice girl'- translation; pushover.

miss well your certainly doing a great job faking or not!

Nope not heard a thing! I'm telling myself that if he wasn't intrested he wouldn't have organised our next date even before our first was over as he could of easily have just left it at speak to you soon/when back off hols etc. but he told me he would really like to see me again and get to know me more! During our date when chatting about the people who text all day and don't they have jobs etc lol, he even said if I don't text you back quickly please don't think I'm ignoring you just work is so busy and I don't make personal calls etc.

I really am trying to remain positive but it's really hard, like you say he could of easily of just sent a quick text at least to acknowledge me! So I just its just going to be a waiting game now for the next week

Not even chance for a loo update tonight, done and dusted in less than 90 minutes. He yawned throughout and there was no chemistry whatsoever but he insisted on walking me home and went in for a kiss!! One cheek was fine, he tried for the lips and I deflected to the other cheek but he didn't get the message and tried to pull me in for a kiss on the lips! There was a very awkward half hug and I apologised (not sure why!!!) he mumbled something and left...

Misszp I have found the same on Tinder, I always just say 'Hi' to break the ice and I'd say a good 50% never respond!

Lana eww that sounds pretty bad, yikes, glad it was over quick. I remember having a date like that. Bit traumatic! for you...

misszp good for you and also Foxtrot - sounds like a good date but that it would be wise to hold back. But considerate is great - maybe potential for the slow burn??

Yey for last

Meg stick with it, this is date 0 and the attraction can grow.

barb really, stop panicking already! 'Maintenance mode' is when guys have done a bit of chasing then set up a date, then don't feel the need to text so much - simply because they know they are seeing you on X day. Not necessarily malice or cooling off or ghosting, just maintenance mode.

Hope tanya and CM are having a lovely time!

Handy- I like your description of maintenance mode... I think it is a very realistic thing too!

Lana- sorry to hear that it wasn't great, at least it only lasted 90 minutes! Why is it some men feel that any date, even a bad one, has to end with a full on kiss?!

So it appears my drunkeness didn't send him packing? He's suggested dinner sometime? He knows I have kids so said tell him when??? Then he said we should swap numbers, thing is my ex pays my phone bill instead of child maintenance (that's another story, cheap skate) but what do I do? I'm sure ex screens the bill so ??? What a mess?

Oh. My. God. What a day!

So where do I begin?

Had my 1st date with Robin. He was easy to talk to, not bad looking etc. But I wasn't sure if I fancied him. During it I kept wishing I felt the way I had about MrFit during our 1st date.

Anyway. Back home this evening and I thought to myself I'll give Robin a second chance. Sitting watching TV and suddenly a text from MrFit...

I read it and well, he was saying he missed me, realised how much of a d**k he'd been and that he'd been scared blah blah blah. We text for a bit then he said he wanted to drive and come and see me! I agreed but went and sat with him in his car.

He apologised and we had a talk. He knows this is his last chance now. Then we had a good old song.

I'm probably completely mad I know. But I will keep my firm head on and if he starts being flakey again then that's it!! He's on a final warning now.
But ahhhhhhh

What a day.

moving - lying about age is common, very common on OLD as so many people want someone younger than they are (since everyone claims to be "young at heart" and "super active").

Lying about first name is not common. I've been doing OLD for 18 months and never had anyone lie about their first name. My guess is he is married. I tend to attend the OLD events more than have dates and it's fairly easy to catch the married ones live and in person. I bet had you met him in person you would have figured out he was married a few minutes after figuring out he had lied about his age.

I don't give my real name before I meet someone as I am the only Ocelot in my region & am too easily identified, also work makes too many details available... I do tell if asked that my profile name is not my actual name though.

Lovely update Waving

Meg what a day!

Trying to meditate my way out of the SmittenSickness. All is fine with Twix, except that I pine for him in between Tuesday dates, and by Sunday I'm a bit of a mixed up kid. People are mentioning I've lost weight. I'm definitely enjoying it understatement but also noticing more that eating and sleeping is hard! Which causes a bit of crazyness since my life is already full (in a good way, but full). And it's still such early days that the L word isn't appropriate because I only know a couple of sides of the man. I'm not planning to even consider saying it til the 6 month mark, which is after the summer. If we make it that far. And after our hiccup he needs to ideally say it first fat chance . So am trying to meditate my way through.... That's my strategy.. Just done a sesh. It's calmed me down. Right now 'L' is for 'Lust' and also for 'Lost the plot'.

That's thought for the day. I cannot believe I just shared the extent of my emotional bonkersness state.

On another note, however, TOMORROW IS TUESDAY! Hahaha!!!

Thank you Handy and misszp I assumed after the awkward end to last night's date he'd got the message but he's texted me this morning... That's never happened before, normally if there was no chemistry I've just heard nothing and not contacted them either...

I've been sick and haven't gone in to work today (1st time in seven years!) which isn't helping!! Tinder has yielded lots of messages but none of them are chatting...

Help Could you download Whatsapp and use that to text him so it just uses your internet data allowance and doesn't show up on the bill?

Meg Nothing wrong with another chance as long as you're going in to it with your eyes open!

My first name is really common and I'll happily tell anyone but surname only for people I'm actually dating though I always like to find out theirs so I can google them pre-meeting