Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Well, he seems to have spent most of his life with someone, he's probably not that adjusted to living his life on his own.
I don't see him as controlling, I do think he may end up needy am not not sure if he's aware of it or not. I do think having a balanced life outside one's relationship is key, I agree Id keep and eye on things and see how it develops.
Its great you're aware of whats going on I think that's a super positive sign for a healthy relationship.

Hi lovely people of the dating thread - I have a 2nd date tonight with Mr. Still in Pain from His Divorce. He picked a romantic French restaurant so he gets bonus points for that. If he still appears to be visibly grieving his divorce, I will just bring it up and get it out there and talk about it. See what happens. I'm not feeling anything yet with him, so I am not nervous or stressed about the date - which is nice.

I love reading your stories even if I am not in a position to comment on them!

Beware Bubbling in my experience dating someone not over their last relationship can be very tricky.
I'm not a big fan of dating someone who is still grieving a relationship ,I don't want to be someone's therapist. Hopefully, he won't be thinking about her:)
Let us know how you get along.

Evenin' all! Good dating stuff happenin'

I agree misszp leave YPT as eye candy and flirtation practice. See what happens with MF.

SkyRabbit oh yy to the fine, fine, line between non-committal player and lovebombing psycho! And those two blue ticks!!! So much angst and guessing!! Argh!

I love your indie boy date - teenage snogging plus grown up convos - what could be nicer!

waving you're in the stage I think of negotiating a place in each other's lives. Not necessarily the end of the honeymoon period. Everything you said here - you should be able to say to him. The only thing that concerns me about it is his 'sad face' reaction. I would be keeping an eye on that. Can't remember - does he have kids? See them? Have a fab night with your mates if you don't have lives away from each other you'll suffocate each other...

314 dating yourself - you ARE the prize! Hooray!!

sassy do you think there's much of a difference between how it feels to have a RL iron and how it feels to meet someone online? Just interested...

Nothing to report here, just normal life and Twix being 100% consistent and sweet. We may get to spend a WHOLE DAY AND A NIGHT together over bank hol weekend. I am SO excited about that. He is too. So many things I'd like to do with that day including spend it in bed with him

Bubbling and Lana (loving your spontaneity Lana) have fab dates tonight!!!

Hi, so it's Friday, he's online on plenty of fish, he hasn't messaged me to confirm time and place tomorrow night and it makes me so mad!

No harm in asking 'still on for tomorrow night - just finalising my weekend plans' type message, Help

You're not 'on call'. You're a grown up. And it will stop that horrible ghosted feeling. If he doesn't reply, then no response is your final response. He may not be a grown up. In which case just move on...

Helloo!

So, technology hates me. My laptop has randomly stopped charging and I still can't get into PoF. I think it's because I previously had an account, which I deleted so it won't let me re-register. Ah well, I only ever got one date off there anyway.

Help I agree with Handy. You need to ask him. You can definitely phrase it in a way that suggests you are getting lots of other offers or are at very least extremely busy.

Bubbling Be careful with that one. IME, starting something with someone who's recently split up usually ends with a "actually, I don't think I am ready for a relationship"

I've sent 4 messages on Tinder/Bumble today with no replies. Ho Hum. Might start right swiping EVERYONE just to see what happens...

Thread catch up

barb great news re the next date.

notnearlythere nice ironmongery!

jollyx yay, great non date update

jollyp I agree it's the stepping out of the comfort zone that is scary.

misszp I'd quite happily date the person who appears more keen. Whether or not they have mutual connections is irrelevant IMO.

alaugh they are very wise words. Thank you.
freakY thank you also. It's so bloody tough to try and see what is genuine.

sky sounds like a fantastic date with indie. I'm not worried about the whole Tick/ two ticks thing. I'm remarkably relaxed. My challenge is more about being sucked in only to be ghosted.

waving I met mrcalm at a conference. Unexpected. We have a mutual interest/ network. He contacted me after the evening. I'm going to reply to your MTG in a separate post.

tanya this sounds really promising

ocelot that had me properly laughing! That song will be sent to all irons as my bench clearing exit! Epic!

bubbling another one here to caution about dating someone not over their divorce. Please be careful.

handy yes I think there is a difference between RL and OLD. It feels a lot more natural. There's a genuine chemistry from the off. We spoke today and it just felt easy and normal (never happened with OLD). There's the added element of knowing mutual people so I know he's a genuine bloke. Or maybe it's just him that makes it easy.

waving I think how you're feeling is perfectly natural. It's the bedding in stage of what does the cadence of this relationship look like?

I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't be able to see anyone (nor would I want to) more than once or twice a week. I want everything you've said; alone time, kid time and friend time.
I think you need to figure out what feels right, communicate that and see how it goes.
You're in total control so set your boundaries gently and respectfully, but firmly.

I think it's good that it's something you're cognizant of, it's a positive and healthy thing. It's not something to worry about.

Once he settles into his job and life, he will start to make friends and get more of a life outside of you.

Keep us posted.

Twix just pulled the 'spontaneous phonecall on the way home from work' thing. For real. He Who Hates Phonecalls. Am me..? I blushed! At home. On my own. On the sofa thank goodness he couldn't see me What is WRONG with me?

Oh the bonkers smittenness.... Oh jeepers... Oh I so hope nothing comes along and throws a spanner into this thing.

Our dogs haven't met yet though. Maybe my dog will go for his dog and he will never speak to me again. Bugger. The dogs can never meet. Ha!!

Does anyone want a dog?

As you were...

handy that's funny! Awww, you wouldn't get rid of your pooch for a man would ya?

So I sent "are we still on for tomorrow or should I make other plans:)"
He said no for sure I've been looking forward to it. But he hasn't said s time or place arrrraaaaagghhhh! Surely this is not how it's supposed to happen?

Bloody men! Ok, choose a bar and send him a message saying "8pm in xxx suit you?" It's probably just a case of men being shit at making plans!

Hello all I've just gone back on Tinder. Met someone last night, quite nice but he just sent me a dick pic

Uh oh... My fave reply to that is:

'What's that? A stillborn rabbit?'

Then block.

Just why would he think that would make my night! So annoyed! Back to swiping.....

"Oh, that looks just like a penis...only smaller. Bless!"

One of my Tinder dudes asked if I wanted to go and see X Men next week. Meh. I really do but not with him. I'd rather take DS. I have lost all dating mojo...

And breath.... I have a time and place! Omg!!!! I haven't been on a date in 10years!!!!! I'm now petrified. I thought this was supposed to be fun!!! I really hate it that I know he's online chatting to loads of other women!!!! This online dating is horrid!!!

It's brutal isn't it help , but that's the way it is sadly.

Hello everybody, I've been crazy busy so just a quick update!

Help that sounds brilliant, I'm so glad you took the plunge and sent him a message. It sounds like he was quite happy knowing he had a date semi planned and didn't think to keep texting. See how it goes tomorrow, good luck!

Waving I agree that is sounds like a case of finding out how you fit together in real life now. I really hope your feelings for him aren't changing but always trust your instinct.

314 I want to date you

Handy I'm laughing out loud at the 'stillborn rabbit' comparison How exciting that Twix did the spontaneous phone call! He is smitten too I'm sure!

misszp I think its good to have two RL irons, and I agree whichever seems to step up should 'win' your attention. You are the prize!

I've missed loads, I'll flick back at some point!

From my end - I'm meeting Leicester again tomorrow. There has been nice texting all week, just the right amount. I have had a few 'get a grip' moments but nothing I can't handle and I am doing well at keeping grounded. I am so excited about tomorrow though but I truly will not believe it until he's here. I have not cancelled my space on spin waiting list just in case he doesn't come After all, I do have loads in my amazing life I could do if for some reason he cancels...

Sassy it is so difficult to know when there is genuine keen interest or if behaviour is a red flag. I'm such a trusting person and I get sucked in quite easily. I really don't know what the answer is but I always trust my instinct. Each case is different, but the moment something feels 'off' even though I can't put my finger on it, I will start backing off. But you need to give people a chance at the beginning otherwise you will never get to know them at all. I do know that I'm not to be trusted during a weekend date but I like to dtd earlyish to properly check the chemistry!

tanya things sounds very positive - I'm looking forward to Sunday's update!

Well, you all were right. I had Date #2 with Mr. Still in Pain from his Divorce and I am here to report.... he is still in pain. I almost want to say he is depressed. Should he ask me out for Date #3, I will decline and I will probably say it appears he isn't ready. His divorce was about 1.5 years ago. Bless his broken heart.

Next!

Happy Saturday all!

I'm just catching up on your posts (on my phone it seems to take so much longer to read!). I will respond!

Just an update... YPT offered to help me work out yesterday so I agreed as I was going at my usual time anyway. MF had text me in the interim to just ask generally where I work out and when. I didn't respond as I went straight from work and would have replied later (was what'sap so I clearly had read the message). Barely two minutes in.... MF walks through the door of the gym. I felt SO awkward for a few seconds... And then I thought hang on... I'm entitled to speak to who I want whether it's as friends or flirting or more. Until someone makes it clear to me what direction things are going... Why should I feel guilty over a text or two. On the other hand I live in an area where everyone knows everyone so even texting could be misconstrued "ohhh did you hear ZP has been trying it on with several guys from the gym?".... That kinda thing!

I must say though.... I fancy YPT like hell, so I'll TRY to keep him as flirting practice only. MF is sweet, but very shy. I don't necessarily feel that initial attraction to him, but who knows. He prompts text conversation more than YPT. I'll remember 'I am the prize' in any proceedings too!