Spring has sprung and the sap is rising! It's Dating Thread 104

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Hey you all, been fascinated by this thread for the past few weeks and it made me join okc a couple of weeks ago. Just deleted my profile because of all the creeps and the chatting was taking over my life. But exchanged numbers, had two dates and have nine irons on the go (on whatsapp)! Wish me luck, will do loo updates! Dates lined up but only one confirmed with time and place, so not getting too excited (yet).

Finding it hard to keep up but love the Handy&Twix story, and Waving with her Mr Right of course! You go girls!

Sassy How is he being to keen? By all accounts you can't meet up till mid June you seem to enjoy chatting and he's prepared to wait till then too meet.
I don't know the offer of a spare room is a red flag it sounds like a reasonable proposition under the circumstances.
Unless he's gushing in his undesired love for you id agree you may be overthinking!

Good morning!
I posted a few times on one of the previous threads but not for a couple of months... I had been seeing a guy since February but finished things yesterday night; he was cooling off and I was a bit iffy anyway due to distance and his shifts making it difficult to get together. I feel relieved but also a bit sad and I have the 'what if nobody else is interested' feelings back...

I really like the thread and have been reading occasionally for a while, I have watched some of the videos and found them really helpful. The Amy Young one, particularly, about bananas and avocados made me think about what I'm really looking for from dating so thank you! My friends are great and really supportive but they're all married and don't really remember/ understand the relentlessness of dating.

I'm sure it's not advisable but I contacted the three other 'irons' who I'd spoken to on OLD in Feb and had phone numbers for last night and one of them suggested a drink tonight!

I figured why not! I'm not too upset and better to be out and about than moping at home... He works abroad and is only home for a few weeks/ months so probably not much long-term potential but has lived all over the world and seems really interesting.

Hope you all have a good day

Oh, non-date was amazing. He and my friend got on well, which was a test in itself because she takes no crap from anyone. It was a lovely sense of.....this person fits in my life really well....

Love his company, he's funny, kind, intelligent, super-affectionate (definitely doesn't shy away from a pda 😳).

Lovely texting when I had got home. Happy evening all round and can't wait for Sunday. 😊

Ooooh Tanya that non-loo update makes me feel all warm and fuzzy hehe - that's awesome, well done on giving CM another chance!

tanya that is just the most wonderful update!! Fabulous - so happy for you! You did the right thing not putting this one back in the pond - Yey

Hi Lana and Nearly

sassy how do you know if this his being so accommodating (literally and metaphorically) is a red flag? Truth is you can't know. Not yet. Just keep your eyes and ears open. It's not till you have that face to face contact you can really suss him out. I would take him at face value for now. I understand your reservations though - the spare room is not ideal. It's a bit all or nothing with the staying over. How about an alternative date where you can just go home after. Like a daytime thing or something if you're not sure yet? It's ok to be not sure yet.

Morning everyone

I guess there has just been so much ghosting/ general douchery in many situations on this thread recently, I'm just asking for a sanity check. They all seemed to start with good messaging / being keen etc then changed, out of the blue.
I guess I'm just wondering if in hindsight there were warning signs.

The reason I decided to come of OLD was because I couldn't really be bothered truth be told. With the ups and downs. I kind've like where I am and I've met mrcalm totally unexpectedly. So it's thrown me. I have to think carefully about getting myself in a situation where I start to open up and care and then he just disappears/ says this isn't for him. I'd be absolutely fine but I'd probably strap a rocket to him and send him too the moon. Not in the mood to be messed around and have my time wasted. .

Thanks handy jollyp and ciao for your wise words. Right off to catch up with thread.

So many grammatical errors in that post. Typed and posted without proof reading (iPhone auto correct at its best). Sorry, poor grammar is my pet hate.

I know what you mean sassy about the ups and downs, and the horror stories on this thread. I honestly had no idea it could be so difficult until I read about the ghostings and mind-changes. I thought RL dating in my youth was hard enough, but OLD takes it to a new level!
I've been lucky so far, but I'm very aware that my time could come, and I could be randomly ghosted at any time. It's very scary to step out of my nice single comfort zone, and only time will tell if it was a mistake or not.

Tanya - good luck with the date Sunday. I read that you went to horse event... Where did you go/compete? I am the same as you. Huge amounts of time dedicated to the horses!

Barb - Wohooo on the successful date!

Sassy - I agree with Verona! Enjoy the chatting in the meantime, and as long as he isn't declaring feelings already, just see what happens in June!

So I had decided as of last night to not try and make progress with YPT due to his recent split. So I gave my number to Mutual Friend, who I know of through friends of friends in real life and who I matched with on Tinder a few days ago. Literally within hours of passing my number to MF, YPT had made it clear that he is now moved on and hinted he wanted to see me. I have casually said when I am next in the gym, but I won't be approaching the subject of a proper date, unless he does.

Issue is, MF and YPT have common connections too.... So how do I play this one out? MF and I have only had some very basic conversation, nothing planned or even the mention of a date, but still, I don't want to cross Irons! The other issue.... YPT is over 5 years my junior... He is 22 and I am nearly 28! Is that age gap just too much?!

Sassy, there is something to be learned from this thread - that is a good way to get ghosted is to sleep with someone too soon (as if we didn't know already).

If you are going to crash out at his place I think you should make it very clear to him beforehand that you're not going to sleep with him (unless you change your mind of course in which case you must prepare to get ghosted IMO).

Nothing wrong with casual sex (I've had more than my fair share in my time and I'm planning on having some more) but if it's not what you want don't do it. If the prospect of crashing out at his place makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason don't do it. I don't think there is any denying what his intentions are is there?

Yay! Tanya and Barb on your wonderful dates. Long may they continue.

Sassy - I think the 'keenness issue' is thrown into hyper relief when it comes to OLD to be honest - there seems to be such a fine line between too keen and too laid back - the waiting for 2 blue ticks, etc. When you add that to complicated lives with kids,work, hobbies, friends, it's tricky !

This thread goes so fast, so I'm struggling to keep up with everyone tbh, but not ignoring !!

I had an unexpected date with indie boy last night - he suddenly said he was free and could he see me . So we had a really teenage date - walked in the park at twilight, sat on a hill and snogged our faces off. Then went for a pint. Bloody awesome. And we had a chat about complicated lives, and fitting each other in - we seem to be on the same page - take it slow and it will get easier in time, if we get to the stage of meeting kids so he could come for tea etc. It's all a bit good !

Misszp, it was my local riding of the marches. Six hours of riding, lots of v.fast hill gallops! Amazing fun! I've only been riding two years, so it pushed my abilities a bit!

Can't get over how easy company Curly is. We were chatting with my friend about how she and I met, and I said I was a bit scared/intimidated by her when we first met. He said something really insightful about my confidence and tendency to worry about things. Which I wouldn't have thought he would have picked up on after one date and a month of being friends... He's a gem. The caution I had about his disability and potential being more vulnerable than most is beyond unfounded. I'm a fairly strong character, but I've met my match in him.

I ended my marriage because I was fed up of being unappreciated, invisible and being the one in charge of literally everything. While it's early, early days, CM is consistently showing himself to be very different to my ex... Oddly, I think they will get on brilliantly as well!

There's a song for that Sassy
m.youtube.com/watch?v=rJppnG1tflU

Morning all!

Sassy Maybe I'm reading it wrong but he's not sounding too keen to me? You're messaging consistently and he was flexible about when to meet up...I think you may be overthinking, yes!

How do any of us distinguish between someone who is just been honest/ zero game play vs. red flag behaviour?

I do not know! Cos I got totally sucked in by Bacon. I knew that a lot of it was just his charming Blarney banter, quite superficial but quite fun, especially in the early stages but there were also many things he said that sounded very sincere and heartfelt. Until it all just got switched off...

I am enjoying this "not really dating, just pissing about on Tinder" thing but at some point, I'm going to click with someone and go on a date etc, and that is really what I want but if I was questioning my instincts before I certainly will be doing it even more next time!

But I think all I can do is listen to my instincts, listen to you lot and take the person for who they are and how they treat me and try not to lay too much baggage on them. And trust that most men are actually not arseholes...

Sorry, that went very me, me, me...but just to finish by saying that I'm actually surprisingly OK. That week of slow fade was horrible but once it was over, I've bounced right back. So, I really hope that my horror story hasn't put others off, cos really, I'm fine!

I do agree with others that the staying over thing will end up being "all or nothing". So, if you are not prepared to sleep with him yet, best avoided. And a good test of if he is genuinely interested...

Welcome not! Sounds like you've had a good start!

Welcome back Lana Sorry things didn't work out with your guy but sounds as though you are getting right back on the horse. I agree, why bother moping around the house when you can spend Friday night having a drink with someone? Why the fuck not?

Tanya Just a big AWWWWW for you and CM.

misszp Don't cross the streams! Sorry, you're probably too young to get that reference... I'm probably the worst person to advise you as I can't do dating multiple people so in your shoes I'd probably go for MF and just enjoy a little flirting with YPT if I bump into him in the gym

Waving Sounds like you are just coming out of the honeymoon period and into the relationship period and trying to work out how it's going to work out! He really does need to get his own social life going though, it's not healthy to expect you to be his only source of entertainment, especially in these early days.

Waving I guess, my worry is he doesn't have his own network of friends and a life which means he's kind a depending on your relationship for all his needs being met. I don't know its healthy to have someone that dependent on you for their own happiness, its some thing I would worry about.

Waving and Freaky - Thanks for your response and I know you are probably totally right. MF is still younger by a year or so though...! Thing is after a 6 year relationship, I don't think I want to settle down just yet anyway. Plus YPT... Is just... devilishly good looking and funny... which probably says it all I can't really explain the chemistry....But there definitely is some there. I just want to enjoy things for what they are, in the present, if that makes sense? I know though that whatever one I choose as an Iron, kills the other dead. I have held off on speaking to either for now.

Waving RE MGT I would reconnect with my own friends, and set the tone for any potential relationship, so he knows that 'your' time, will always be 'your' time. He also needs his own friends! You should not be his only contact or comfort. If it continued long term, I would perhaps considered it a flag, but assuming he had friends before the move, he will make some once he is settled?

Freaky - I think we have all had a Bacon in our lives at some point. I can picture 2 or 3 in my life, all with similar traits. The worst bit is you often don't see it coming and by the time it does they have reeled you in and when they chuck you back in the water it really bloody hurts!

Tanya - That sounds amazing! I don't think how long you have been riding matters - sounds like you've picked things up quickly to be confident out for 6 hours! Wonderful feeling isn't it... Be prepared to always be recovering from the addiction!
Good gushy news on Curly too! It is amazing how sometimes people can prove our perceptions completely wrong, I think sometimes it makes us appreciate the good in people even more.

I mean MTG sorry! :)

Well Con has come back to me, I didn't respond to his last message that we just play it by ear and keep in touch. I'll have a look at it later.

I just don't feel like ruining a good summer thinking about dates right now. We'll see. I think I am brave enough to go to a lecture in town about dreams next tuesday. It's a meet up thing. I am genuinely interested in jung and dreams so I think I will go. It's come to this. I am dating myself. I'm the one.

Tanya that's lovely! I love when you know that they would get on with your friends.

Waving I think you he swept you off your feet its so easy to get caught up with these lovely declarations you're now at the stage of starting to see his true self and if matches up. Its perfectly natural to you want to see friends outside of him.
I think, you'll find answers in how his past relationships started/ended, does he have form for going with things super quickly.