Husbands secret best friend

[Nakedfingers]

Hi everyone I'm new here sorry if it's been done to death. Just found out my husband has a female best friend he has been keeping a secret from me. They claim they love each other as friends. He told her it had to be secret because I would go mad. Damn right I went mad! I get that I fell into that cliche but hey ho. I called her and asked to meet her and she said no because she would feel awkward. Am I right in thinking that she will happily have me think it's more than a friendship by her refusal to meet me. I'm nice we could be pals to but she's made me think it's more than just a friendship by her refusal to get to know me. Should I LTB?

OP... your posts are sounding more and more horrible.

What does your husband think of you spouting off like this? He may not say much (if he has sense) but he will certainly be thinking about the way you're being.

The friend is NOT a bitch to not meet with you. I wouldn't either. Ever. If it was important to your husband for you to meet her, it would have happened. It isn't. You've corralled him into ending his friendship, that's it. If he's agreed to that then there's nothing else to say.

Reading thread more closely. I'm changing my mind. I think the friend has a role in reassuring you but it's mainly your partners job. Also I don't think you always get up be friend w someone because they are your partner s friend.

I think your anger is misplaced but appreciate you are probably venting and there are probably some pretty shitty scenarios running through your head just now.

You don't know what he's told her about you. I do understand why she would say no to meeting you.

What I don't understand is how in the last five years that they've been "best friends" he's never once mentioned her. It does set alarm bells ringing that he's obviously lied to you and kept someone completely separate and secret.

I couldn't give a shit what sex my DH'S friends are. What I would be angry about is the secrecy and lies and the fact he clearly finds it easy to lie to you.

Why on earth should she meet you for a glass of wine/pizza/game of pool? She's not your friend. She's your DH's friend. Maybe you're right to have concerns about that set-up, but your language about her is so immoderate that it's hard to be convinced that your doubts are well-founded.
As many pp have said, your problem is with him. Stop blaming her for the trust issues in your relationship.

Absolutely Lasttimeround. I have male friends and i would never do anything that would cause a rift in their marriage. I make a point of getting to know their DWs/DPs too, even though we may not become good friends, so that they can see i am not a threat in anyway. It is only natural to be just a little bit curious / suspicious of a partner's friendship with a member of the opposite sex, if you have never met the other person.

This kind of attitude can also be very sad for friendships. I have an old friend who I would never contact as I have reason to believe his wife is a bit of a bunny boiler

magoria.. I would agree with you on that - if the OP weren't like this. I haven't met my best friend's wife nor ever spoken to her. If she and he were in a supermarket and I was there, I would smile, may or may not go over to speak to them, but I wouldn't make a point of it particularly. I'd be happy to be introduced - but not if there's a scene brewing. I'd be out of there like a shot.

Weird.

My dh also has a female best friend. But she's a best friend in the sense of "best female friend." They rarely see eachother now but have been friends since they were kids and I think he feels compelled to look after her more than anything. She's always been single, and she ridiculously good looking so yes, I have had my moments of madness! I've thrown countless tantrums about it, accused him of everything under the sun, tried to stop him seeing her etc but in the end I actually turned out to really like her and she even came to our wedding. Not all men are dogs and not all women are home-wreckers. It's too easy to jump to conclusions. I hope you find peace x

pink that's what I was trying to say. I try to show I'm not a threat. But this thread has gone elsewhere now

How do you know who she is when you see her in the supermarket? Did you contact her before or after the supermarket meetings?

You've just mentioned you know her, and your dh and her ignore each other when they meet and you are there.

So you know of her, and you and she have never moved to more than casual acquaintance yet your dh considers her his best friend and loves her. Although happy to go NC. I see.

I can only assume she will be changing her shopping habits. And yeah, it's still your dh who deserves all your anger.

Emotional Affair

I'm confused. How long have you known about her for?

I could understand the ranting when it sounded like you'd just found out, but now you're talking about multiple supermarket sightings.

Bloody hell, it's supermarket sweep now.

I'm impressed that you knew what 'LTB' meant, despite being new here....

Well, I have some sympathy for the OP's reaction. I think it's seriously weird to play along with pretending not to know someone's dh when you see him and to meet up with him behind his dw's back.

I'm calling bullshit now

Balls!
My DH has a female best friend. I know her. I'm friends on Facebook and when I met her all those years ago she triggered my gaydar although DH was convinced that she was not a lesbian. Lol.
Turned out I knew her better than him and she came out 3 years ago.
There were never any secrets or private meetings. Mates are mates so there should be nothing to hide.

It's another goady fecker

Oh god If this is bullshit blame me..every time I crop up on a thread it's a troll!!

A goady BITCH!

Rainbowlou......it's your fault.