Husbands secret best friend

[Nakedfingers]

Hi everyone I'm new here sorry if it's been done to death. Just found out my husband has a female best friend he has been keeping a secret from me. They claim they love each other as friends. He told her it had to be secret because I would go mad. Damn right I went mad! I get that I fell into that cliche but hey ho. I called her and asked to meet her and she said no because she would feel awkward. Am I right in thinking that she will happily have me think it's more than a friendship by her refusal to meet me. I'm nice we could be pals to but she's made me think it's more than just a friendship by her refusal to get to know me. Should I LTB?

I'm really sorry but I would assume they are much more than friends.

Found out about her because he left his phone lying about and a text came through. We would Normally read each other's messages. I wouldn't normally be jealous but I do have issues with talking to strangers that you have no need to talk to so that's why he may think I would not like 'new friends '

Well like I said, if he had no concern about you meeting her then I doubt there was anything to it then friendship....on his part anyway! BUT... maybe she was hoping for more (but you can't really blame him for that) and her refusing to meet you and choosing to cut contact does send up a red flag that she was hoping for more.

If I was you op I would give him the biggest bollocking of his life and then move on

haven't read all the posts but if you called her behind DH's back I can see why she wouldn't want to meet. She doesn't want to get in the middle of your fight. If you had said to DH 'Lets all get together so I can meet your friend' and got him to arrange it, then im sure she'd be more up for it and open to a friendship with you.

How did you find out? Is it just friendly or more - it does sound odd he will instantly cut contact with her though. Seeing as she's a friend.

If they love each other as best friends he hasn't put up much of a fight for their friendship by instantly agreeing to not see her again and instead offering to introduce you to her to prove it??
Once a partner has to lie and keep secrets the trust is hard to get back.
Good luck

I don't like the sound of it either. If the whole thing was innocent then he would have introduced her to you by now. "Best friends" do not just drop each other like that.

I have a male friend who I met when we were both single and working together. He went on to meet his girlfriend and the first thing he did was suggest we all go out to the pub together. That is a normal, healthy friendship, unlike your DH's.

I'm friends with a bloke and his wife doesn't know we're still friends. She also thinks I'm really fat. We email regularly and meet once every few years.

We've been friends since high school, nothing has ever gone on between us and never will. His wife is just really jealous. If she rang me behind my friend's back and asked to meet me, I'd find it really, really weird. Wouldn't mean that I want more.

To clarify- I called her a bitch AFTER she refused to meet me. My problem up to that point was my husband's deceitful behaviour. I will deal with that or accept it when I've had time to consider all options. She is a complete bitch for refusing contact with me . If she's got nothing to hide she has no reason not to get to know me so I repeat - BITCH!

I have many male friends. I would definitely not be comfortable being a secret friend to these men.

Maybe she is, but SHE isn't your problem

I mean instead he should be offering to introduce you..sorry my post made no sense X

What about what your husband is hiding ?

Your anger is misplaced

He shouldn't have kept it secret. Are you a jealous person OP?

Friendship between men and women (including exes btw) can be perfectly innocent. I have many male friends, including my best friends. My dh is perfectly ok with that, encourages me to see them alone, and also likes to see them himself.

However if you are not a jealous person, it seems strange that he kept her secret, and offered to drop all contact. That would worry me. Of course, if you have asked him to choose between the two of you, or similar ultimatum, then it's not a surprising response.

Why does that make her a bitch?

Your DH told her you are a crazy person who goes nuts if he has female friends. I wouldn't meet you.

She refused to meet you cos she's got something going on with your husband, obviously... To evey1 looking in anyway.
If they are "best friends" you'd of known about it, he wouldn't of dropped her cos you found out, she may well be a bitch, but he's probably a cheating twat

You really shouldn't be so angry with this woman. It is your DH who has the responsibility to be honest with you in your relationship, and he is the one who fucked up. There could be loads of reasons why she didn't want to meet you - for starters, she probably felt awkward that you had taken it upon yourself to contact her in the first place.

She owes you exactly nothing, and calling her a bitch is just directing your anger in the wrong direction. Your husband is the one who has lied to you, can you not see that your problem lies entirely at his feet?

Yep, sounds well dodgy. Sorry.

Why do you read each other's messages.
And the taking to strangers thing is just odd. How do you make new friends/aquaintances without talking to people. You come across as having major trust issues.

However, I don't believe this situation is entirely innocent.

I'm trying to think how many friends I've told that I love them and I can't think of one, male or female. I'm fond of some men who are married to my friends and really care for them and might say "Oh I love X, he's so funny" or whatever, but I would never, ever tell them I love them. And if I did and they said it back, it would feel like an affair. That, combined with the fact you didn't even know this woman existed, is very, very worrying.

She's not a bitch. She is sensibly staying out of your way. And as your dh has said he would drop contact with her, she has even less obligation to meet you.