DRY 12

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

So further update on the 13th - we are being taken to the Ice Bar www.icebarlondon.com - HELP - there is no way i can abstain from this :(
Maybe I treat it as a one off and start again after? any advice would be appreciated thanks everyone :)

Halleberry what's the dose you've been prescribed of the zopiclone and diazepam? Do you have them on a repeat prescription?

Sorry am posting sporadically as getting the kids to eat their tea!

I was on zopiclone and diazepam (and loved them) and whilst alcohol will potentiated the effect in the first instance, they'll make your anxiety worse when combined with alcohol. I've got the sweater and tattoo about this lovely combo!

rose treating it as a one off and then starting again only makes it harder the next time I'm afraid. There will always be social occasions that are hard. You either want to stay sober or you don't...

...also, wear a coat!

Sorry, being flippant doesn't help.

Can you tell people you are dieting/in training for something/on medication/need to keep a clear head for x y or z the following morning or go for an hour and then be 'urgently' called away...

...or simply don't go...

at the beginning, big social things are very difficult and for me, they were best avoided.

The ice bar is crap, you're not missing anything.

...I used to go to loads of work do's in London years ago (before kids and when I was a lot younger!) and thought everyone a) drank as much as I did and b) would have a go at me if I didn't. But it wasn't actually true! Most people drank less and often had other things to do/would leave early/had kids to get to/were swimming the next day or whatever and it was fine. Put your needs first, other people do all the time. It's not your responsibiity to 'make it a good night' for anyone by being the party girl.

echo jojomo - she is right! I have allways been the party girl but lately have not had a drink at work social events and no one has batted an eye. I haven't even had to say anything or give excuses just asked for a tonic water and it's been fine.

Zopiclone is only every so often. Diazepam is 10mg to be taken when needed. If I haven't blacked out and can remember the night and know all was fine I don't need anything. If I black out and can't remember anything im. nervous wreck and need something. After I had my second child I didn't even really feel like drinking and eased very slowly back into it. But this is what I do. I mess up then reign it in for a few months and I manage fine but always end up back at the start. And I can't help the fact im not ready to completely hang up my drinking boots I desperately wish to WANT to cause I know only when I truly WANT to will I succeed. But some of the fun I have drinking out weighs the bad believe it or not xx

Yep, you're taking the diazepam to cope with the horrible feeling of knowing you've drank into blackout. God the number of times I did that. But it buggers your sleep (as does booze) so I'd get panicky if I didn't have any zopiclone in. I'll say it again - you wouldn't need these anything like as much if you weren't drinking.

I don't think anyone wants to stop enjoying alcohol. The first glass is great. Maybe the second too, but after that, moderation goes out of the window doesn't it? I didn't want to give up! I bloody love wine and therein is the problem. You're now trading off the euphoric recall of great nights, against the reality of massively disordered drinking to the point of blackout and pissing the bed.

But anyway, all that needs to be done is don't drink today. That's all. You can silently reserve the right to drink tomorrow, but for today just don't have the first drink.

Halle to answer your question, it took me a day or two

It took me a few chapters of Jason Vale's book to realise two things.

1. that yes I did have a problem as do so many people who drink to excess, even those who don't consider it a problem (he doesn't like the word 'alcoholic' and instead lays it bare that anyone who needs to exercise any amount of control - whether it be sober days, water between drinks, limits etc - in fact is being controlled by alcohol all the time and is therefore not free)

And 2) that alcohol does absolutely nothing positive for me and is in fact the cause of a whole host of my problems, and so drinking was doing me way more harm than good, so it's a no-brainer to just stop doing it.

I was drinking a lot. Not in the mornings, or when driving or anything, but definitely pushing my other 'restrictions' such as kids and work and general life, and drinking to 'get through'. Except that being drunk created so many more hurdles, so he 'getting through' was just getting harder and harder.

I got the book on my kindle and started reading. On day 2 of reading, I had a huge argue ent with DP and went and got drunk.

I didn't know it at the time but that was my last drink. Next day, I carried on reading and haven't looked back.

The book recommended to keep drinking normally as you read, but by half way through the book, I'd already had enough and read enough to know I didn't want or need to.

Last drink was 31 March and I haven't missed it at all really. I've noticed times when I would have done it out of habit (such as this weekend - no kids, bank holiday etc) but I just didn't drink, and all was fine. Better than fine in fact!

No more arguments with DP - replaced with sober chat and discussions and solutions instead of emotionally and alcohol-fuelled rants!

No more hangovers. No more wobbling upstairs to put DCs and SCs to bed. More money in my bank. Better skin, no embarrassing regrets/paranoia, etc etc.

People have asked me in RL if I will ever drink again. The answer is I don't know. But at the moment, I firmly don't want to. I can see through to how I would feel the next day and it's not worth it.

I have been so social and recreational occasions and stayed sober and enjoyed it! (a first for me unless driving and miserable in previous drinking life!)

I realised during reading and also since that alcohol just doesn't need to be present in my life.

So I've done a month. That was definite. I'll probably now aim for 6 months. Then a year.

I'm enjoying counting up he days of freedoms rather than counting down the days of control before I'm 'allowed' to drink again.

That's the control alcohol has over you. Shitty when it's around you and shitty when you avoid it. Unless you change your mindset.

It's out of my life now so it has not control. I won't fall off the wagon as there IS no wagon

No drinking today at all. Im hoping Maybe I won't even want to as this party. I just enjoy that euphoria and im not sure how to have fun, relax and feel comfortable in my own skin without any of this stuff. It really is doing my head in though. Constant battle every day I look out my window if it's lovely I wanna sit in garden and drink cold beer. If it's cold I can't wait to cuddle up on sofa after dinner with a glass of wine. There is always an occasion or "reason" to drink. I never think, actually im gonna relax with a hot chocolate (which I love) but I still feel like I have to be putting someone thing in my body. Some nights my hubby will have the boys round for football and they be like, aw you joining us for a beer and no thanks, tea and biscuits in bed with a film. And that's what I do. Un be known to them ive maybe taken some Valium which gives me a sort of "stoned" effect. My problem is I just can't be "straight". Ive not drank since SatuRday. And im ok and don't feel like one. But ive already taken a Valium cause I could feel that horrible empty feeling in my stomach of being ME

And what led me to reading the book was I got very drunk one night at a party, walked home alone and fell and banged my head really badly.

I could feasibly have died or been left seriously ill.

Thankfully I wasn't. But it was a wake up call.

I didn't stop drinking immediately after that though. No, like a trouper I carried on. But sought out advice and found the book

Lou I agree that a future drinking date just permits all of the days leading up to that date to be drinking days. It's a contributory reason as to why my slips are long and not blips. It's a great little excuse to carry on drinking and one to be avoided.

halleberry you sound quite confused and desperate for someone to tell you that its 'all ok', that because your husband and your therapist haven't TOLD you you are an alcoholic you cant BE one. But you, and only you, know what's going on in your head. In my opinion, FWIW, this "he just thinks I have to stoop drinking to much when I do drink". is the key. You have tried to moderate for years and you CANT. It doesn't really matter what you call yourself, alcoholic, problem drinker or nothing at all, the fact is that alcohol is having damaging effects on you. The regular taking of diazepam and zopiclone probably equates to a benzodiazepine addiction too ... has your use increased ?

You don't NEED to look at forever, you only need to look at today, or the next 5 minutes... and you dont NEED to drink. You may want to, but in fact your life will probably be a whole lot better if you dont, There is lots of support here, and lots of people very happy to chat, but if you aim really is to 'moderte' then you might be happier on the "brave babes bus" which is geared to supporting and promoting moderate drinking. You will know dep down where you belong

Rose similarly, don't look too far ahead. Just look at today, or the next 1/2 hour. Lots of occasions, on which it seemed impossible that you could manage without alcohol, can in fact be fine... my suggestion 1. always have an easy, simple explanation and stick to it 2. know what you DO want to drink so you can ask for it confidently and 3. always, always have an escape route planned. If it seems too hard, just don't go.... your sobriety is MUCH more important that a works do...

howbad, how are you doing today ? Matron being a bit analytical about all this, how DO you think you will manage being long term sober with your fun loving friends? vxa hope the day got easier for you. You are doing SO well :-)

carrot hows things going ? and sanity I'm thinking of you, and hope you are ok

oncemore I have found the small consequences more damaging than the large drunk fails. The small acts of unkindness when drunk the indifference to loved ones.

The big injuries and drunk shows are somehow one offs and seen as hilarious/outrageous fun fun fun.

A trooper. So true. Where else in our lives would we apply so much effort to something so damaging and negative.

lily I am a very smart drinker and have spent years creating a huge drinking network around myself. So much so that I am not even considered one of the largest drinkers

It's a challenge. At some point my world may need to get smaller. That's hard to accept.

Matron I agree that the small things are just as bad if not worse as they happen more often and to the people we love.

I've had lots of those and lots of the bigger ones, and yes, have laughed at the bigger ones before many times. I laughed at my head injury, but at the same time thought 'wtf?! That was really dangerous. And stupid.'

I wonder how many of us are anti-drugs? I am, fiercely so. If I heard someone recalling an hilarious episode falling over and banging their head/falling downstairs/having 'other' sorts of accidents from being high on something, I'd be disgusted and not want to associate with that person at all.

Why is alcohol so acceptable where other drugs aren't? It's a failing of society that we deem this one ok when in fact it's in many ways much more damaging than any other.

The books I've read have really set me straight. Society is brainwashed to think drinking alcohol is ok. Almost expected of us.

I feel good that I'm out of that way of thinking now

oncemore thank goodness you survived

Lucy's blog is brilliant for collecting and collating research, articles etc dealing with alcohol and society. You start reading those (and the crime sections of the newspapers!) and you soon come to see how utterly deadly alcohol is and how false this idea of it being a harmless way for intelligent adults to relax is.

ahangoverfreelife.com/

Scales falling from eyes really.

Day 2 chitty chatty, nodding, agreeing, getting strength in other posters' wise words, feeling part of something bigger, greatful for support and another chance.

Walked through my front door and immediately want wine

I'm still repenting so I know I won't have any but all the same I'm a bit miffed at the predictability.

Good idea slim some evening reading to keep me on track x

Wow Halleberry your posts are just so so familiar. I too had a drink for every occasion!

Oncemoreintothebleach your comment on drugs is interesting. I know what you mean and yet I had no problem chucking down prescription drugs. Hypocritical really.

Matron it's a habit you've had for a long time you'll get there!

Try to think of it like cake or a cheese sandwich or something equally benign.

If you had a cake or particular food every day after you walked through the door, you would have become conditioned to it. Like pavlov's dogs salivating at the ringing bell. It's just habit and association.

Do remember that and try not to equate it to anything more powerful or it will likely feel like a battle and could become an excuse/reason to drink again. Unless you are heavily physically addicted to alcohol (and if so, do get professional help for withdrawal) then thinking about wine automatically is just a habit and one you can break with time.

I used to be rubbish at drinking tea DP would offer me a cup of tea in the evening and I'd scoff and ask for wine or beer!

Now, coming up to 5 weeks AF, I do indeed feel the pleasure of a nice cuppa

Retraining the brain takes a little time and patience and persistence. But I think 3 weeks or so and you have yourself a new and much healthier habit