DRY 12

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

Hi vxa you don't have to think about never ever drinking again. Just concentrate on not drinking today. My tape was played forward for real this weekend and it's ugly viewing.

I am a prolific poster when I'm getting dry so chat away later if you need to

I feel like a traitor being here as your all trying to stay sober yet all I want is to be able to control my drinking. The thought of abstinence is to much for me. Im 32 marriwd with 2 kids and once a week I get so drunk I pass out and wet the bed (some mother you're all probably thinking). I hate myself for it. I don't dri k every day. Occasionally a Tuesday as husband is off a Wednesday and either a Friday or SatuRday but lately im falling back into old habits and I feel sick about it. Ive sworn it won't happen again and it has TWICE. I know you're all going to say I should stop and im an alcoholic. Im
Prepared totally for being called down on this but denial or not I don't believe I am nor do
I want to be. I like feeling drunk. It rids me
Of my daily GAD and OCD that I have to cope with also my papa is dying and my parents and I no longer speak. Im so down that I pretty much can't wait for a SatuRday to get drunk. I feel like an awful mother. Surely only an alcoholic would wet the bed?? Help xx

Oh honey! Yes, that's alcoholism and nobody wants to be one.

I totally get where you're coming from, have been there, for a long time and knew something DRASTIC had to change.

First things first, addressing the GAD and OCD. What does your GP say?

Im addressing It with meds (which obvioisly is a good
Mix either). Im on waiting list for therapy but could be 6 months. I haven't told them what happens when I drink just that I drink once or twice a week, which really is the truth. I have no reason to lie on here. But j haven't admitted to wetting the bed etc. The thing Is, ive read in order to stop you really have to WANT to. But i don't. I just want to stop Gettin so drunk when I do drink. This has been going on n off for years. I feel like a terrible mum cause surely my past should make me want to stay off it. But nothing makes me happier than doing all my house work and sitting with a wine feeling like I have no problems in the world .... Sàd ain't it xx

Thing is, I know that I won't drink now until my friends birthday 2 weeks on Saturday but as long as I know im not T Total I can handle that. I actually enjoy nights with tea and biscuits instead of drink and im not even always in the mood for a drink. I don't under msg and what's going on in my head x

Hello halle

The thing is I reckon we would all like to be able to moderate our drinking. But we have found that we can't just as you are finding. And the results, whether that is wetting the bed or something else, are awful and will only get worse. We are all in the process of accepting that we can't drink alcohol and thinking about 'forever' is very scary so we go day by day.

Only you can decide how you want to proceed - I'd suggest doing some reading e.g. Jason Vale's 'Kick the Drink Easily' is a good place to start. Or the 'mummywasasecretdrinker' blog.

Good luck today matron, you can do this.

That's the mark of an alcoholic in my opinion - as Jojo says, the inability to moderate.

Every day I feel sick at the thought of being an alcoholic. It makes me feel
Nervous. I mean who wants to be an alcoholic?? Even my psych said he isn't worried about my alcohol consumption since it's not daily and im not dependant. But im definitely a problem drinker. 2/3 out of 5 times I have a drink i eirher black out or wet the bed or both or fall out with my husband. My husband is amazing with me. Very patient. He doesn't think im an alcoholic he just thinks I have to stoop drinking to much when I do drink. Sometimes I can manage it. Infact sometimes I drink Til I feel tipsy and then go have a cup of tea and go to bed. I think because "sometimes" I have "some" control I assume i don't have a problem. There is no way I would or could join an AA programme. Tried it years ago and I kid you not it made me worse. Infact my obsession with drink never started until after my first meeting. I will never go back and right now my brain can't cope with "never again". So until it can i don'tknow what to do xx

You tried AA years ago and you're only 32? This has clearly been going on a while then. Just because your therapist or your husband aren't concerned about your drinking, doesn't mean there isn't a problem. But then you know that.

I didn't drink every day, I didn't drink during the day. But once I started I couldn't moderate.

AA btw isn't about "never ever again." It's about getting through the next hour or so, in tiny increments.

I was a binge drinker (thursday til Sunday) I was only a teenager Aswell but my folks were worried and asked me to try it and I did and I will never go back. Im not Sayin it doesn't work. Im just saying its not for me. But see I have since a young age before I ever drank) a multitude of mental health problems. I remember the first time I drank when I was 12/13 and I remener how "free" from everything I had been through. I guess it's not the actual alcohol I will miss just the feeling of freedom that comes with it. I know I won't drink today or tomorrow or the next nor will I crave it. But I know I will drink at this birthday party in a few weeks

I also hate myself and can't stand to feel like (me) and drink makes me
Feel like k don't hate ME so much x

That sounds very stressful.

So, this has been a problem for a long time. Your family were worried years ago. You black out when drunk. You become incontinent, and argue with your partner. You find it almost impossible to moderate your drinking.

What do you think the solution is?

I know stopping is the only sure fire way to ensure nothing like that ever happens again. And I think if that happened every single time I drank I would stop. But because there have been and are still time I can stop at a few and then have tea or juice I know I still have some level of control. Abstinence is just to much for me. Picturing myself sober for the rest of my life is to over whelming and I get that people say don't think like that take it one day at a time ... But in the back of my mind I know this one day at a time ultimately means-abstinence, and that I can't deal with

Then don't deal with it. Just quietly say to yourself "Today, I'm not drinking alcohol." And that's it. That's all sobriety is.

The fact that you still have some abstinence ability is good, but that will diminish eventually so don't rely on it.

I know you want someone to pop up and say "Hey, just do XYZ and then you'll be able to control your drinking." Sadly that's not going to happen.

Some of us go to AA, others don't, some have tried or are trying medications, counsellors, hypnosis, lots of 'self care', sober treats, blogging and so on. There are all sorts of things that can help when you want to help yourself.

Your therapist may not think you have a problem with alcohol because you haven't been honest with him/her about what happens when you drink. Your husband may not think you have a problem even though he sees what happens because he doesn't want to face it either and he loves you. Perhaps he is waiting for you to ask for help because he knows it has to come from you. The fact that you are here says you know you have a problem.

At first it seems that you won't be able to relax or enjoy anything without alcohol but I promise you, you can and you will. We have been sold the idea for years that alcohol is the only way to get through the days but it simply isn't true. How relaxing or fun is it to wake up in a wet bed? Or to blackout and not remember what happened the night before?

Please do some reading and thinking and decide to put yourself first. The alcohol is not doing you any favours anymore. Decide not to drink today. Think of a different treat to have at the end of the day.

Im not going to think of abstinence. I will take it day by day and try not to drink if I feel like it, but if I end up drinking im going to try and not feel guilty. Just pick myself up and start again. For today im not going to drink. Am
I ok to still write here even if I do drink at my friends party? When I tried AA I made a good friend but after about 8 weeks I went to a party and got drunk and she didn't talk to me again it would be nice to have somewhere to chat even if im
Not completely off the drink yet xx

marry is right. Eventually the 'some abstinence' will go.

We have all had to start the process of changing our mindset about alcohol somewhere and you seem to be there.

Unfortunately there just isn't a switch to make things right!

Halleberry chat away by all means. But I'm not going to tell you that it's ok for you to drink and not to feel guilty. That's just enabling. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Alcoholism is a disease. It's not your fault if you have it. It is your fault if you don't address it.

The aim here is not to drink. Sometimes we do have slips but we are all aware that we don't want to trigger someone else into drinking so just bear that in mind with regards to the party you are going to and/or you end up drinking at some point.

It's good that you are not going to drink today

What can you do to make yourself feel good today?

I understand that. It would just be nice to have somewhere to come and chat if my trying to cut back or stop. I don't expect anyone to tell me its ok to drink though. Not at all. I know abstinence is the only proven thing to work. Im just not quite ready for that yet x I desperately hope to be sooner rather than later x

What do you think would have to happen for you to be ready to give up feeling this bad?

When I started trying to deal with my drinking, I really did find it useful to read as much as possible - there is so much material out there now. Knowledge is power!

And I also keep a sort of diary of my triggers, moods, how awful I felt with a hangover - it's useful to read back and remember the horrors when I feel weak.

Hi everyone.

Halle i agree.... thinking about 'forever' is just going to counter productive for you right now. Just get through today. What are your triggers? For me, it is coming through the door after the school run. So for weeks my DS and I would do something after school- go to Costa. Go to the park. Now I try and do some gardening. Get past the initial trigger. Cravings usually last about 10 minutes. If it is really bad set an alarm for 30 minutes away and do something else..... something busy. When the alarm goes off see how you feel. If the craving is still there set your alarm for another 30 minutes.

This is what I found for me..... when I was feeling really bad for a drink I find that if I got through it then I would be fine. My bad periods are between school time and dinner. After dinner the evening is a breeze.... so my cravings last maybe an hour or so. Then it is over, and I get on with my evening. So 1 hour a day might be bad. But the other 23 are fine.

Summer is coming so there are brilliant opportunities to do things in the evening. What can you do with your kids rather than drink? Picnics? Games outside? Anything that keeps you away fom the first drink.

Don't worry about 'forever'. Forever has not happened yet. Tomorrow has not happened yet. Worry about tomorrow when it happens.

Sorry..... bit of an essay, but I hope that maybe something in there might be of use.

Bloody alcohol. It's a bloody shit of a thing.

HowBad thinking of you lovely.xxxx

Matron it is SO good to see you here again! Missed you!

Sanity are your lurking? Drop us a line. :)

Oh..... and my favourite thing... sober treats. :) Treat yourself tomorrow to something. There is a fabulous lady called Belle of tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com/tag/tired-of-thinking-about-drinking/page/2/

who suggests buying/doing a sober treat every second day. Buy yourself flowers. Have lunch out. Whatever works for you. Say to yourself 'This is my treat'. It helps. We are usually all curled up inside ourselves ith shame and despair. Treats are a part of self-care - saying 'I am worth this.'.

I don't know what would have to happen to be honest. Even that frightens me. At the moment I have no intentions of being T Total for life .... But by talking to people and as PP suggested, reading etc, I hope to get to a point where I genuinely do want total abstinence and I want to feel good about it xx