DRY 12

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

Hi all and Fuzzy - caught lurking and drawing strength from you all :) . The posts last week upset me and also made me question allot of things. But have had a good couple of days, read Jason vale again and spent lovely time with my boys. Slim and lily hope you are okay.

I also want to say thank you to everyone as every post I have read have had nuggets that I need to think through. Looking forward to my month 1 on Thursday AF, day 29 here. Feel happy not sad or regretting being sober the opposite just feel free.

jojo and journeyon I'm knee deep in Vale

howbad that vicious cycle of booze and low self esteem and bad choices.

Talking of vicious circles I am determined to crack the drink, drunk, repent, repeat. I am strong tonight well indifferent really, but I know I am in the danger zone for repitition.

Evening all,
Slim so sorry your having a rough day, I hope it works out for you .
Sorry haven't read the thread from where I left off, apologies but wanted to just nip in and post this.
www.womenshealthmag.co.uk/weight-loss/weight-loss-stories/5070/real-life-i-quit-booze-and-lost-4-stone/
I got a little too excited when read the title
Bit miffed that the weight didnt just magically fall of, of her though lol.
Anyway just another reason to quit the booze.
Weather pants today, didn't get any gardening done but made bread with DC's, off to peel dough from the carpets...

Just read this:
www.rolereboot.org/culture-and-politics/details/2016-05-daughter-know-ok-angry/

It isn't directly about booze but it got me thinking (in the context of the relationship stuff) about problem drinking perhaps as response to repressed anger (in the same way as depression, anxiety and problem behaviours are named as such in the article)

This is the sentence that made me think about this:

"Interestingly, the reasons men and women tend to get angry differ. A 15-year study of girls and women found that there are three primary causes of anger that are not the same in men: feelings of powerlessness, injustice, and other people’s irresponsibility."

That sounds to me like the seething woman with the crap partner giving up for the day giving up (nothing works: negotiation, logical argument, charm, reminding of promises) and opening a bottle instead

lucy you star, thank you

journey glad you are here & doing well. One month will be a fab achievement - make sure you plan a suitable treat.

Boodle OMG kids and dough... I keep trying to teach keeping the hands on the outside of the dough but you just can't stop those little fingers squeeeeeezing through the that lovely silky, squidgy, sticky dough... And who can blame them really .

howbad and matron yy to low self esteem veiled in booze I try not to get bogged down in looking back tho. To the future, solidarity & sobriety

slim good night so sorry that you have a tough time on your hands. Take care

HowBad X post. Haven't read your article yet but funnily enough I was musing just tonight on gender differences and impact on problematic drinking Will go read now.

Thanks Dear Sober Warriors, for everything.

Going to bed now. Long long talk with DH. It was both better and worse than I expected. Job gone. Company gone. And some more, but generally all will be fine, just some stresses to get through. More tomorrow, but shattered right now.

and again.

Slim sorry to hear that. and

matron - why do you think you are in the danger zone ? What is likely to be the trigger ? Is it a planned weekend activity ? What would need to happen for you to stay sober ?

I really get what you said that the reality of your marriage is your biggest barrier to sobriety - thing is...your relationship is what it is, drunk or sober, and drinking isn't going to make the problems go away, and actually, despite drinking you are really aware Of them... So sober you have a chance to live a more fulfilling life - either by working on your partnership, or possibly alone (last resort) ...

slim sorry to hear that

howbad you sound much stronger the last few days - more positive and focussed . I'm reall pleased for you - you ARE strong and you can manage whatever comes your way xx

jojo well done ! Just take loads of lovely AF drinks with you - the hard part is done

Lily x

X posted howbad but yes YES YES ...

veiled anger , stuffed down, resentment frustration and nowhere to put that righteous anger... So self sabotage and punishment.

I have shit self esteem although you would never know it to meet me - but my new plan is to be authentic - and true to how I feel and to express it ... It keeps changing (as Lucy said) so it's hard , but I am aware that underneath I'm seethingly angry

Actually feel quite excited at what I might uncover and what my potential might be ...

Oh Slim shit f*ck bugger :( We can do hard things We are sober warriors

As to anger and resentment - AA argue that the biggest threat to sobriety is resentment. Described as wanting someone else to drink poison but drinking it ourselves instead I think.

Morning ladies. 42 days today. Feel like I should feel more proud of myself. At the course last night they said that saying I will give up for today is allowing yourself to drink again but I have no intention drinking again and at the moment I find counting the days helpful. It made me feel a bit dejected.

I am in a&e at the moment as I twisted my ankle quite badly yesterday afternoon. I keep thinking people will think I was pissed but I wasn't.

How is everyone else today ? X

lily it's no one particular trigger. The pattern for me is that once I physically start to feel better and I am confident that there will be no repercussions from my last drunken bout it confirms that nothing bad came from my actions and it's just paranoia and that I'm perfectly fine and normal. That coupled with the agony of sober emotions and the flood of regrettable memories leads me to drink again.

I have difficulties dealing with the stuff in the basement.

Good to read that you are enthusiastic about being authentic that's such a positive way to view your future

Morning vax2 life has a sense of humour doesn't it!! 42 days sober and you sustain the classic drinking related injury!

Don't be dejected you are doing marvellously 42 is a big fat past a month on my way there marching on kind of number. x

Hi all

Just checking in briefly from work. Have bought a cafetiere for the office. Woo! go me! this is the sort of decisive, positive action that sober people take ;)

Have a good day evening, will check back in later.

Thinking of you all, esp. slim, lily, matron, vxa

Good purchase, Howbad! Buy biscuits too! Sober people like biscuits (my current obsession )

Hope ankle is ok vxa

How are you today slim?

I hear you matron on the 'I feel better now, it's not a problem really, I can drink after all' line of thinking...it's where I often trip up whether it be eventually a sad trigger or a celebration trigger. I will also get through something without drinking and then as a reward for being alcohol free when I really needed to be, I will then drink alcohol!!

Doh!

Keep playing the tape forward, it's such a useful tool.

Argh!! Help help help! Been given wine (expensive) as present...what do I do with it! I cannot have it in the house. Ugh no, nit as I thought.

Can you give to your inlaws or a friend Boodles?

Gift to family/friend? School raffle prize?

Maybe gift wrap it now, fancy paper then you can't see it? And store in cupboard so not in view, until you can re gift it. Just don't put it in fridge. Or is there a trusted friend you could pass it onto as 'early birthday present' explaining the reason?

Ok, calmer now. Totally freaked me out! The wine witch really did leap out at me!
I'm going to leave it at work then have a think what I can do with it. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to take it home.