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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 12

999 replies

HowBadIsThisPlease · 01/05/2016 20:12

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

OP posts:
Sybilramkinvimes · 09/05/2016 21:47

Uh huh. Though I am very clear I don't want to! But I'm kind of hoping that managing a month in October is helping now. At least a bit.

Rosewinehunt71 · 09/05/2016 21:47

Matron I'm just so scared as to what will get unmasked I've hid so much over the years it's no wonder I'm struggling to let go! Taking a few deep breaths and don't worry I'm sure a good nights sleep will help a bit tomorrow will hopefully be a better day 🙂 Thank you for the wise words xx

MatronLittle · 09/05/2016 21:50

Yes I am wondering if my dry 7 weeks and dry 3 weeks and then 7 days all add up because I was drinking in between them. I guess they do because I learn more each time.

Smoking took me half a dozen goes.

Lucy2610 · 09/05/2016 21:51

Sybil Re PAWS I consider it totally psychological and the physical side is an entirely different beast (as in you complete medically safe detox and it's job done). The fact that it can last up to two years post stopping tells me it's psychological and my personal experience supports that time frame. However although it can last for that long the bouts of symptoms (see here for all my blog posts on the subject). As for a lapse resetting the clock back to day 1 that is your call. I have accidentally ingested alcohol and so don't consider that a lapse as it was only one mouthful. If I had gone on to finish the glass (and yes in that split second of realisation the thought did cross my mind!) I would have felt compelled to reset the clock but with smoking I didn't. It's a personal judgement call :)

MatronLittle · 09/05/2016 21:55

rose the best advice I received was to do nothing and focus only on living sober. Anything that has been hidden has been there for a long time just suppressed just because we can feel it doesn't mean it needs sorting immediately.

Lucy2610 · 09/05/2016 21:59

X-post re further clarification Sybil & Matron - all sober stretches count! We learn new skills and trip spots each time we stop for however long or short :) As to whether all the PAWS work would be undone by a lapse - I can't answer that personally as it hasn't happened. I know if I had one glass the 'fuck its' would strike and I'd be gone for a long time so I keep facing forward and not looking back :)

MatronLittle · 09/05/2016 22:00

Sorting out all my relationships, regrets, fears, forgiving myself and others would take years to accomplish and I've got a job and family to look after Wink

Sybilramkinvimes · 09/05/2016 22:00

Thank you lucy - that's all very helpful. I rather think there's a bit of paws going on. Shall retire with camomile tea and cats.

Flowers for matron and rose. We can do this!

Lucy2610 · 09/05/2016 22:02

and I didn't finish a sentence off! Blush Although PAWS can last two years the bouts become less frequent and less intense as time goes on :)

Lucy2610 · 09/05/2016 22:08

You're welcome Sybil :) If I feel in any way off colour mood wise I check the PMT/PAWS overlap Wink Grin

misscookie · 09/05/2016 22:17

Just told a dear friend Id stopped drinking as she'd asked me out for some drinks.. She said she'd been thinking about quitting too and would I like to do dinner instead. 20 years we've been drinking together - her brilliant reaction was such a relief Smile

MatronLittle · 09/05/2016 22:23

miss that's a nice boost. Smile

Lucy2610 · 09/05/2016 22:44

Miss Super response :)
I've been thinking about my PMT/PAWS joke and in all seriousness I've been a bit reductionist in my answer to you re PAWS & psychological/physical. Yes there are changes to underlying hormone and neurotransmitter levels within the brain and body as cells re-calibrate to not being bathed in alcohol but I guess I see their impact (although a physical fluctuation) being more psychological iyswim ....

Boodles84 · 09/05/2016 23:47

Hi Everyone
lily I have just come on to say about my little moment of pure happiness and belly laughing loveliness with my DS tonight. And have read you've had the same. Smile
I didn't realise these moments were something I was lacking Sad. Its the best feeling!
I feel on top of the world today but I'm getting lazy again (physically) I need a big kick up the bum to drag my wobbly butt up and out and moving. Tomorrow I have got to be in all day so I'm going to get out in the garden and do some weeding and pruning, hopefully weather will be nice and I'll work up a sweat release some healthy endorphins.

SlimCheesy · 10/05/2016 06:41

Morning everyone.

Welcome everyone new, so good to have you. :)

Interesting about the PAWS discussion, thanks for bringing that up.

IamAnIAMSgirl · 10/05/2016 09:07

Have a great day gardening Boodles!!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 10/05/2016 10:08

Hello all!

Welcome Iam! I'm on day 41 now and just starting slowly to tell people as and when it comes up. The different reactions are interesting aren't they! I was worried about being judged as having a problem and needing to stop. So far no-one has said 'oh good, I was getting worried about you!' Or anything like that, which is heartening! But I was worried about me, so that's all I needed.

Some are shocked, some are a bit dismissive. One was 'that's great, some might say' Shock I just laughed it off/tried not to feel too smug Smile

My family are same as your DH's - always a reason for a drink, and I was terrible for that.

Well done you for breaking free Grin

FuzzyWhiteLegs · 10/05/2016 10:26

Welcome Iam Brew. I started with a dry month too, for family purposes. That got extended as I was 'feeling so good'! As time has gone on I have been more comfortable, in being more honest, with more people. Just tell them what you feel happy with - this is one of those times you just have to say %#^ everyone, I'm doing this for me and it's no-one else's concern!

MissCookie 1 year will come sooner than you think - just keep adding one day at a time! Smile

Rose are you feeling any better today? A big challenge of being dry is not having that option to numb one's feelings. But you and I both know that numbing is only temporary, and the costs are huge. One thing I think we have probably all had to address is what to do instead - distractions (colouring in? Netflix?) exercise, yoga, meditation, even hiding under the duvet for 10 mins just to get away from it all for a few minutes! For me, big gains in self-esteem and confidence, as time has passed, have helped immeasurably. Keep going!

Umpteen · 10/05/2016 10:29

Rose and Matron yeah, dealing with raw emotions without alcohol is hard, I have found. Even dealing with ordinary feelings is a surprise. I find myself now being aware of what hunger feels like, or tiredness. Feeling emotional is triggering though, and it still takes me by surprise. I find it helps to have a lot of strategies in mind and use whatever is suitable at that point, eg walk away, eat something, tell the other person you need time to think, go to bed, whatever.

Even reading yesterday evening's posts brought into my mind some of the stuff that I "dealt with" in the last few years by getting drunk too much, and I felt a bit sad. Big stuff like my collapsing career and moving abroad. Choices and decisions that I didn't make truly clearly because I smothered my emotions in alcohol.

So, hm, lots of adjustments. Lots of relearning. I am massively calmer now and I don't fly off the handle at every little thing. It is great being sober and clear-headed. It is truly marvellous. It's a bit difficult dealing with the emotional stuff though, the realisation of who I am now I am feeling my own feelings and not drowning them.

Lily and Howbad, how're you doing today?

Oh yeah, Matron, the giving up several times over that you were talking about. I think that is part of the process for many of us. I spent most of last year lurching between sober spells and drunk spells until I eventually thought enough's enough.

SlimCheesy · 10/05/2016 11:00

Hey all.

Dealing with triggery emotions right now. DH's work is really stressful right now, and senior staff were called into an emergency meeting today. Looks like the company will go bust. Very anxious. Feeling sick.

I am meeting a friend for coffee at the time his meeting starts to try and take my mind off it.

Sorry. Just had to write to someone.

FuzzyWhiteLegs · 10/05/2016 11:20

Hi Slim
Very stressful Sad.
I hope it is not as bad as you fear, but if it is... You know that alcohol will not change anything. We are here. Flowers

vxa2 · 10/05/2016 11:34

slim Flowerswe are here for you - keep posting. I hope it will not be as bad as you fear but whatever happens you will be so much stronger to cope AF.

lily, rose how are you today ? I hope you are taking some "me" time today.

cheep how did you get on with AJ ?

Feeling mixed today. I had a long day at work yesterday with a trip to Essex and back from the West Midlands and then when I got back I had various upsets with my girls to sort out and felt really wound up. This evening I have week 2 of the course I am doing with the alcohol support service which makes me feel stressed because there is so much to think about and it's all a bit rushed and I can't wind down before bed. Sad

SlimCheesy · 10/05/2016 12:13

Thanks. :) Sorry, not to make it about me. I will not drink, I just wish I were not feeling what I am feeling!

Hope everyone is fine. Hope the course goes well tonight vxa.

Cheepireep · 10/05/2016 13:50

I went to bed at 8.30 with my app all ready to go. I thought I would put it on once I couldn't sleep but fell asleep right away which is unusual on an AF night. I think I must have been tired as I've been drinking every night for more than a week and I don't sleep well when I do.
I feel so angry with DH when he is drinking which makes no logical sense at all as I have the same problem. I think that I might be projecting the loathing I feel for myself when I drink onto him. Perhaps that is another reason to join in with the drinking - so I don't feel so negative towards him. I suppose we should talk about it properly. I've tried to tell him I'm coming to some sort of crisis point about our drinking and I need to feel he is doing at least something...any little thing...but we have been talking about our problem drinking for 20 years and ... there doesn't seem to be more to say.
I will try and sort myself out first. It would be so much easier if there wasn't alcohol in the house though.

Rosewinehunt71 · 10/05/2016 13:52

vxa, Matron, Fuzzy & Slim still feeling a little flat but am now on Day 8 so am trying to look ahead rather than back - have made my way through quite a few chunky chocolate cookies, am trying to fob them off to work colleagues now lol I will be fine, will concentrate on the no drinking aspect being such a huge positive in my life right now, thank you all for the kind support xxxx :)