DRY 12

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

Evening all
Glad you had a lovely birthday Boodles :)
Lily I wonder if today's TGI experience stirred up PAWS for you?
Beaut day here, mowed the lawn, sat in the sun eating ice-cream and had a Bavaria AF beer - lovely
Come back vxa and matron ......

All the stuff posted in the last few days has upset me so going to lurk for a bit

Happy Birthday! Boodles

I have not been lurking but saved a full read of the thread until I was ready.

jojo glad you found your way back quickly.

I'm going to bed after a great weekend in the sun. Will post more tomorrow.

Still dry

Am still dry but very upset by the lsst few days on here

glad take your time. If I feel exposed in any way by posting I wouldn't hesitate to protect my sobriety and having a lurking breather X

Can anyone help?
Both DH and I drink too much and have done for years. We are way beyond trying cutting down, going on the wagon, weekends only. Whatever- we've done it and failed over and over again.
6 months ago I had a health scare which I attributed to drinking. I managed for a good while to cut my units down from 60 a week to anything from 15 to 30. They then recently crept up to 40 and I have the past couple of weeks stopped counting again...DH Changed nothing.
My question is how to cope with DH... I know that logically, whatever I throw down my throat is my fault alone . I know that my DH'S inability to cut down is not because he does not love me. It has been hard seeing him drunk when I am sober - and I can't help feeling it would be easier to not drink if he wasn't here drinking. (whilst knowing this might be an excuse)
I worry for his health ( he drinks way more than me) I worry for the example we set our children.
I have told him I just need something. ..some indication that he is trying not to drink so much. Hypocritical when I can't control my own drinking.
I feel so desperate and hopeless- I've spoken to the gp but gave anxiety issues and don't feel I could go to a group. DH just seems to have given up giving up entirely.
I suppose I really want some advice on dealing with a partner's drinking whilst accepting I have a terrible problem of my own. It just muddles everything up.
I love him very much. There are no major negative consequences of our drinking as yet bar health, financial and poor example to children. I just don't know where to turn now.

Hi cheepireep go back to the GP and be honest. Sorry I'm on the way to sleep so my reply is short but I didn't want you to be left unanswered.

Thanks...it's OK I know it's late. On bed now too.
Have been honest.
She only has counselling to offer and I hate hate hate it.

Hi all!

So pleased to see you guys back here.

Glad we will be here as/when/if you need us .

Cheepireep welcome! It is tough when your partner continues drinking heavily. One basic truism seems to be you cannot control someone else's drinking habits. All you can do really is focus on yourself and your own drinking. You may need to work on detaching from DHs drinking habits as far as is possible.

jojo I thought very briefly about wine when I was in the garden today, but it wasn't wistfully - more of a fleeting thought which was gone as soon as it came, and wasn't accompanied by anything troublesome really - no craving, sadness, longing or any of the other things I was once worried I would suffer forever!! I did drink a billion cups of tea tho, and several belvoir cordials and sparkling water, so was forever popping in to the loo .

Welcome Cheepipeep. Have you thought about accessing your local drugs and alcohol support service ? I referred myself - by making a telephone call. Perhaps try googling local alcohol services or similar. lily and lucy can probably advise better than me.

My local service are brilliant. I have a worker I see fornightly, I have seen a doctor and been prescribed some medication to help with cravings and I am also doing a really good course 1 night a week for 4 weeks. There were some initial blips with their system but now it's all in place it's better.

I had already stopped drinking when I called them but only a couple of days. I would urge you to give it a try. I know local services vary a lot but it's worth checking it out.

It is really hard having a partner who also drinks too much. I would echo what FWL says - you have to focus on you.

You have great insight into what's happening and I think your consciousness of the example to your children is very important. Seeing the impact my drinking was going to have on my children if I didn't stop was a major reason why I got to the point where I knew I HAD to stop.

glad

Lovely to see everyone again

Welcome cheepireep and joining this thread is a great start! :)

Some questions hope you don't mind. Has your DH been to the GP about his drinking? Have either of you approached your local Drug and Alcohol Treatment team? Google it as every county has one (assuming you are in the UK). Would he agree to going with you?

The only recommendation for how to cope with someone elses drinking is to attend an AlAnon meeting the sister group of AA for family members. They advocate taking responsibility for yourself first and detaching with love. I appreciate that is a hard thing to do but it's like the oxygen on an airplane analogy - you need to care for yourself first otherwise you can't help others.
I hope that's been some help and you can do this

Didn't read anyone else's reply before responding to cheep but Matron & vxa (and fuzzy!) covered it perfectly already. Sober warriors one and all!
Happy to see you both back too
Glad we're here when you're ready to come back lovely

cheep when I stopped my partner cut down a LOT -we used to drink quite a lot however I have had boyfriends in the past where the only solution would have been to split up.

Hi cheepireep nothing very sensible to add but much solidarity. I'm sure others will be able to give more solid advice. I found committing to a dry month really helped. It isn't "forever' in your head and by the end you can think very much more clearly about your drinking. Would your dh consider that?

lily much sympathy too. Had a wobbly evening myself and found the weekend with our guests very much more challenging than I'd expected. Feel much more positive today and hope you do too .

With regard to telling people - I've kind of dodged it. The only time I did say something (at a pub quiz. Maybe not my brightest choice!) got loads of questions and people kept banging on about it the entire evening and was pretty fed up with it being such a big hoo ha. Especially as I've never really drunk a lot socially. Saved that for home :(

So I've decided to let it evolve. started with saying it was for dry January, then it was lent, now I'm having a break "because it's made me feel so much better".... I also try and drive where I can as everyone accepts that. I know sometimes the advice is to tell people as part of committing to going af but at the moment only I, dp and one very close friend know its permanent and my plan is that everyone else will just get used to the idea over time.

lily vxa2 matron glad just to say your posts help so much - it's great to "know" you.

Have a good Monday, all.

Morning everyone. Just saying hi. Welcome cheepireep.

Good morning sober thread!!!

Well today is my first soberversary 366 days (it was a leap year!), on one of the most important & worthwhile journeys I have made.

The difference between me this morning and the me one year ago (waking up in bed but fully dressed, hangover from hell, AGAIN, no memory of the last couple of hours of the night, what I did/ how I got home/ to bed) is like night and day. That - the blackout that night - was my rock bottom (or high bottom as some would say!).

I am so happy and grateful to be here today. I know I've said it before but it is in great part due to this thread, even tho I lurked without posting for much of that year - so thank you one and all

FWL so many congratulations on a year sober. WELL DONE ! Thats a great achievement and you should be very proud !

Brilliant Fuzzy! How are you going to celebrate? Well done.

I haven't made it onto this fast-moving and almost a carcrash thread yet. I was travelling last week and then doing a lot of real life stuff. I lurked over the last few days like this and this but it all seems calm now.

Love to all

Ooh where's my post from last night gone? I was half asleep so must not of posted it.
Welcome cheep & umpteen and WB lily vxa & matron
FUZZY Happy Soberversirary!! Massive well done!! That's awesome. What are you doing to celebrate? I feel so happy for you

Thank you all so much 😄 Nobody irl really appreciates what this means so it's so lovely to have you all to share the day with

So to celebrate, I'm...... Going for a run! I have made a point to run on every 'special' day this year (NYD, my birthday etc) as it really makes the most of not having a hangover It's super hot tho, so it will be a short, slow run, without the dog

Then I don't know - a day of relaxed pottering I hope, I might make pizza for tea 🍕

Love to you all - I hope everyone is having s good day & managing to enjoy the sun.

Lily are you feeling any better today?

Thanks for the warm welcome.
Lucy asked if DH had seen the GP. He was diagnosed some years ago with fatty liver disease. We stopped drinking for four months but his blood test results just got worse and worse. He was eating ice cream instead of drinking and it was decided he had non alcoholic fatty liver disease which actually wasn't very helpful...it was never followed up or monitored after that...another thing to worry about. He us monitored fairly closely for his high blood pressure and I know his levels are high but the GP just tells him to cut down.
We are on a diet at the moment and actually doing well. He says he can't do dieting and not drinking and argues that the fat is also bad for his organs.
He might be persuaded to go with me to something ( I wouldn't be able to go alone because of anxiety issues) but then babysitting would be the issue..it's so easy to find excuses...I have had the referral forms a couple of times. A close relative worked for the local service the first time which put me off. Also I have to declare any couselling for drugs and alcohol when I start a new job on the medical screening. I used to worry about that but am far more worried about us than that now.
Anyway thank you. I will try not to drink tonight and I will print off the forms again. I do passionately loathe counselling though. I reckon I might manage if we could do it together.

Dashing in and out today so will have to be brief but so glad to have everyone back!

Congrats to fuzzy, that's a brilliant achievement and an inspiration!

Welcome to newcomers, I echo what others have said cheep to focus on yourself and immerse yourself in sober blogs/books as a start. Would you husband read anything sobriety related? Well done on losing weight to both of you - alcohol and dieting do not tend to go together. I have read various pieces online about the sabotage effects of alcohol on losing weight, perhaps learning about the science of alcohol in the body might be a way into sobriety for him. There must be sober books/blogs etc from a male perspective...I know someone has mentioned 'Alcohol lied to me' by Craig Beck, I wonder if that would be suitable? But you must not take responsibility for him and his drinking, I'm just thinking out loud here so to speak.

Will be back later.

Hi jojo and hi cheep

Yes the Craig beck book is based on his personal struggle and awakening, so that might help your OH cheep if he is open to the idea. Best of luck

Fuzzy hurray hurray that's bloody brilliant. Welcome back gang. cheep you're in the right place. lily when I'm edgy I head for Andrew Johnson: "every day, in its own quiet way, is a success."