DRY 12

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

Old thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2584735-DRY-11?

The thread for people who want to kick the booze

Good morning all, it's lovely to see you here I've just caught up since I logged off at 10.30pm. Interesting conversation and as ever some great insights and advice.
I'm off to my running club now but I'll see you later

Good morning everyone :)

Slim wanted to pop in yesterday but... ah... wasn't sure what to say in the midst of the flurry of posts. Glad this thread is here for those of us who aim to abstain, and in fact think of it as the choice of preference rather than of last resort (once we get there).

Day 652 for me today; still wake up most days feeling thankful to be hangover free. My DC went off to their dad's last night and a thought pinged distinctly into my head as I wandered back from the local shop having stocked up on provisions that a couple of years back I would have been full of anticipation at opening that "I deserve it" first bottle of wine. I may have even "treated myself" to two bottles, as it's the first full weekend that my twattish ex has bothered to have the children this year.

Slim thanks for asking after me. Things are up and down still, divorce not finalised, but I started a new job a couple of weeks ago which is a miracle in itself, having been a SAHM for six years. I'm now working 4 days a week, so a big change in routine, but so so good for me. It's a very corporate environment, something I've never experienced before, and a bit of a challenge in that sense. The old me would very much have been full of fear (and expressed it as cynicism); would have been feeling very 'other' to the rest of the people there and somehow twisted it in my head to make it that there was something inferior about them all and better about me. It really is a different life being sober. I'm also getting up really early in the mornings to get organised each day, rather than falling out of bed at the last possible moment and then screeching at the children to get them to school on time.

By the way, I skim read the last few days posts but one comment about some people's problems not being in the same ballpark as others really offended me. The point about this thread is not where we've come from but what we're aiming for - and that is what needs to be protected. I am a member of several sobriety groups on FB and tread very carefully around those with members who advocate any sort of moderation - although I am getting better at accepting that that mindset is just a part of the journey towards ultimate sobriety for most. In fact reading about people's near-complete failure to ever successfully moderate now convinces me more than ever that sadly, the belief that moderation is a viable option is just part of the dysfunctional thinking of the true alcoholic.

Well, morning all. My lovely evening went a bit wrong. I caved to a glass of prosecco to celebrate DH's good news, there were just triggers everywhere yesterday and I was overwhelmed. The kids fussy eating then led to a stupid disagreement with DH worsened by the fact that I had by then drunk 2 or 3 more glasses. Spent the night crying, not much sleep and am sad and anxious today. Another occasion ruined by alcohol and I did it to myself.

Day One again. I will not slip further. I hate what it does to me.

I hope everyone will come back even if they have slipped like me, hopefully they were stronger.

Glad you are still doing so well teapot you were and are an inspiration for me!

Morning all

Funnily enough Sybil after I went to bed last night I found myself wide awake and decided to catch up with watching that Louis Theroux doc you mentioned. Well, what a sad, moving, brilliant piece of film making. What I was struck most by was how close in many ways I (perhaps many of us) was to being potentially exactly where those people were.

I have never been, but I understand AA encourage you to look for the similarities not differences, and my goodness I had no trouble with that. Although I was never hospitalised, diagnosed with health problems, lost job etc... and in fact feel I had a lucky escape getting off the elevator at a pretty high floor I could see so clearly how inexorably the trip down could happen.

A hard watch but I can't recommend it enough, and so reinforcing of what we are all doing here on the thread.

Wishing you all a lovely day; I will be popping in throughout if anyone needs to chat. Xx

X post Jojo. Dust yourself off, and back on the horse. You know the drill . Be kind to yourself today and have a think about what you could do next time you find yourself in such a situation. We are here if you want to talk strategy (or anything else!!)

Hi Jojo. Sorry to hear about your crap night.
I know what you mean about the kids and the eating and the disagreement. I think this is one of the classic small but intensely annoying issues that put constant pressure on the relationships of people with children.

Talk to us. And here's hoping for some better days coming up for you.

I am feeling down again because it is the weekend, the sun is out, I am working in my bedroom on my own (because my concentration / work pace the whole last week has been so shot that my work life will be unbearable unless I get some stuff done) and contemplating my crap relationship / ex-relationship with P. I keep trying to think "when it's over I don't have to have days like this! When it's over he will never be there!" but he is here, we are separating, it is sad and I do feel shit about it.

(Because he is impossible to talk to, I sent him two emails: one suggesting stuff about the weekend (in other words, suggesting ways I can be with the dcs some of the time without him looming about making me feel shit); and the other with some more formal stuff about separation. now I have done that I am in the position of a person who is trying to talk and being ignored, of course. Again. I forgot that this is what he does. He does it with emails, texts, even with sentences in real life. you fire stuff off into the void and he makes a lofty decision about whether it deserves a response or not, and mostly, it doesn't.)

and fat, of course. Don't forget fat. I also feel very fat.

so, trying my hardest to think about things being different and better, and just drinking coffee and being happy that you lot are on the other side of my screen.

Have a good day all

Hello everyone... I'd psyched myself up to introduce myself last night but it seemed the wrong time (understatement).

I think I've joined the babes thread 3 times over the years but moderation and me do not go together in anything so I don't know why I thought drinking would be different!

It's been a long time coming but I'm in the right headspace now to accept abstinence is right for me but it's a bit lonely because I've managed to surround myself with heavy drinkers (funny that!)so I was hoping to talk to you lot?

Just wanted to say that I love the idea of a dry thread because I can be as weak as fuck so the idea that one person has given themselves permission to have just one is all the excuse I need.

Final bit, I really hope that Matron, Rose, Lily, vxa2, Hadron are still about because you've been an inspiration and I'd love to continue to hear from you.

Morning everyone Day 5 for me Jojomo Don't beat yourself up pamper yourself today deep breath and move on today is a brand new day xxx Happy Sober Day everyone xx

Teapot! good morning lovely so nice to catch up with you last night and thanks for popping your head in.
Thanks fuzzy for the blog name check and sybil you are too kind
As for me I don't use the word alcoholic to describe myself because the WHO stopped using it back in the 80's so to me it's not relevant any more. I also had MH issues in the background which I used alcohol to self-medicate. I developed a strong psychological addiction which was developing into early signs of physical addiction (years nursing ALD patients meant I knew the signs and that the tip over when it happens is silent). I have been to AA meetings (the rehab where I volunteer has a strong 12 step foundation) and have shared but it doesn't feel comfortable. Being very honest if people don't understand why I've stopped and try to minimise it in fury I do want to yell the alcoholic word at them almost as a way to shock which I'm working on
Have a great day sober warriors :)

Hi Fuzzy, I watched that Theroux a few days ago and thought exactly the same. He - the programme - really stayed with those people, and made them more than just their symptoms.

Aurelie breaks my heart. I can't get her out of my head.

One of the things I kept thinking about her was that an English person, speaking French with the style and élan of her English speaking, would be regarded as highly educated and cultured. and what a whole person she is and how tragically her life has been diminished. Really can't get her out of my head.

Thanks fuzzy

X-post jojo & howbad
Welcome happysober :)

Welcome Happy I'm weak as fuck too but determined drink won't rule my life anymore xxx we can all do this!

Hi HappySober! Welcome!

Hello Rose!

Hello Lucy!

Morning morning morning!

Day 7 here.

And thanks rose and howbad

Welcome happy sounds like this is the place for you!

howbad you do sound much more in control now if that's any consolation. You are getting things sorted. Takes guts that does!

Good morning All.
Hello teapot I remember your posts from when I Was a "lurker" good to 'see' you.
Welcome happy
jojo I'm sorry you had a crap night last night, I hope todays better for you.
I think I'll see if I can find that louis Theroux doc later.
Just trying to decide what to do today with the kids. I never used to make plans for a sat am as I new I'd be hungover. I've done a good job at completely isolating myself to hide my drinking. Very sad really.
I like the escalator analogy.
Anyway lots of sober positive vibes all round.

Boodles ahangoverfreelife.com/2016/04/29/friday-sober-movie-night-drinking-to-oblivion/ :)

"I've done a good job at completely isolating myself to hide my drinking"

One of the doctors in the Theroux programme (sorry that we are all suddenly banging on about this!) said something like "in the end, where it always leads, is a person, in a room, with a bottle, drinking, alone, with no one else."

This terrifies me. I used to go out to drink and come home to sleep. At some point it shifted into going out to have a few drinks, then going home to drink as much as i wanted in peace. Then at some point I almost stopped going out in the first place. Terrifying.

Hello! Teapot I am so so glad to see you. We started about the same time on this thread I think! Thanks so much for posting. Congratulations on the job!!!!!!! It sounds great. You sound very strong and resolute and I hope you have a good chance to indulge yourself this weekend. I really hope the remainder of the divorce process goes really smoothly for you, you deserve a bit of a break!

Welcome Happy so lovely to have you with us. I am glad that you were not put off by the utter oddness of the past few days. Hopefully all that is behind us now and we can move forward positively.

Will check in later, just wanted to say hi and [Mexican Wave] to Teapot!

Teapot, I find your post really inspiring. It is all about new things. New job, new routine, new life after the ex, new new new. I love it.

It is everything opening up - the opposite of everything shrinking down, becoming that person in the room with the bottle.

Thanks HowBad. I was a lurker from when you first started the Dry threads, and was in awe of you all back then. I stopped drinking about 18 months into my separation from a very very difficult husband (who remains very difficult), and I think the first 18 months I was full of "I deserve it" thoughts... "if you had my life you'd drink too" kind of thing. But one day I woke up and just felt so weighed down with millstones holding me back, and wondered whether stopping drinking might just be the gateway to the lightening of all other loads.

Slim - Mexican wave right back at you. :)

Meant to say, in the past few weeks I seem to have become fixated on listening to Eckhart Tolle audiobooks as a way of managing my stress and worry. I find his voice mesmerising and the content a great reminder that we are okay, no matter how bad things seem. Highly recommended, if anyone's interested. (I started with "Freedom From The World" on Audible; and am now onto "Touching The Eternal".

Welcome HappySober

Yes Auralie was so so sad. Such unbelievably low self esteem. And yes the importance of MH issues in most of those stories didn't escape me either - the desire to escape, anaesthetise, cocoon, and ultimately feel safe So clear that alcohol sells us a lie as it does none of those things for long (if at all).

I certainly have suffered from anxiety, low level depression, panic attacks at various times in my life. Now coming up to 1 year dry I am in the best place I have ever been mentally. A comment (I think) Matron made a while back stuck with me - that she is facing her world shrinking with sobriety because presumably of potentially losing the huge drinking network she'd set up. Well - my world is immeasurably bigger and better than it was a year ago. My anxieties are still there but I am able to see them for what they are, so things I could barely do - or not do - before are now open to me. My relationships are better; I have new friends, more confidence. This year I will travel the world - something I haven't done in 10 years. My world was shrinking while I was drinking, and now I am free, and I am intending to make it count .

Ty for the welcome I watched Louis Theroux and I'm the same HowBad Aurelie seemed such a sad character who seemed so knowing and articulate yet so hopeless and beyond help

Boodles I realised that it wasn't going out for a drink that was a problem for me (it's so rare anyway!), I could control myself when out.

The next night I'd make up for it at home though, talking and socialising go in the way of getting pissed for me.

I think that's why this place is so good...gets us talking and connecting with people.

Ooh Teapot love a bit of Echkart Tolle, read The Power of Now not long ago and probably need to read it again to absorb some more
Howbad I doff my cap to you for starting this wonderful thread back in the day
Fuzzy awesome share thank you :)