Q - If you & your DH go out in the car together, who drives?

[SuperMumNot]

a) DH
b) you
c) depends whose car you're in
d) DH, unless he's had a drink or two
e) varies - you alternate/whoever feels like it etc

Please just indulge me with an answer - I'll explain why a bit later

e) No real pattern, DH will drive my car sometimes and vice versa. Usually depends on who's got the car seats in their car and/or who's managed to get a space outside our house.

I'm with Bertrand on this - lots of post-rationalisation about why men are driving

But then lots of women are also saying they are the main driver?

I do believe that there are some men (and women) who believe that men should be driving, but there are also plenty for whom that isn't an issue or where are actually the man in their life is supporting them (or enabling their lack of confidence) in their driving because they don't want to. It's the cherry picking of the points to suit your own agenda that gets on my tits.

As for who sits where, it depends, when he was young DS1 was really bad for travel sickness so on windy road journeys he got to sit in the front regardless of who was driving.

In my car there is more leg room in the back than the front the way I have the seats set so DSs want to sit in the back as they have the longest legs. In DHs car it's usually me in the front but I'm not that big on it being exciting to sit in the front and neither are DSs so if they were in the front I wouldn't care.

If we are on a long trip we sometimes rotate as it's easier to have a kip in the back than the front.

I totally agree that adults should sit in the front (except in cases of very serious car sickness etc). I never forget the occasion I was out with a friend and she let her pampered 8 year old DD sit in the front with her whilst I had to clamber in the back - it was not a big car and I am not a small woman . It was years ago but the memory still irritates me.

"It's the cherry picking of the points to suit your own agenda that gets on my tits."

OK- you do a count up of people on this thread. If there are anything like an equal number of women saying they are the main drivers because they are better drivers and rubbish passengers and I will eat my feminist hat. And while you are about it, find me some men who always let their partner drive because otherwise she does a running commentary on their driving and constantly points out hazards.

A big change since we had dcs, was 50/50 before that and now nearly always him, except on a longer (holiday) trip when we'll share. Probably started as I was always half asleep from feeding the baby so happy for him to do it. Am still the one navigating, speaking to the dcs, sorting them out with snacks etc. So don't want to drive as well. Very aware this is still unequal.

Did I say there was an equal number? Presumably the OP is keeping a count.

Talking about a majority view is not "cherry picking"

"Cherry picking" means picking out the one or two examples that support your viewpoint from the majority that don't.

If I said that this thread indicated that the majority of women were the main/default drivers in their families that would be "cherry picking"

You were cherry picking the points that some women were unhappy with the division of driving and that their partners assumed they were driving even though that wasn't what the women in question wanted and making that out to be the majority view. Whether more or less women are the main drivers is completely irrelevant. And I haven't added up the figures on any of those.

But I forgot, unlike you, I'm not able to think for myself.

Oh c'mon, don't argue! I'm not counting any responses either way.
I do wonder if it's an age thing too though. As someone else said, it begins to change when DC come along. I, for one, couldn't drive safely if there was a child wailing in the back, and DH wasn't as good as I was at spotting the early signs of a meltdown and heading it off with surprise snacks or a game.

For us, the 'ownership' of specific cars also changed the dynamic. When it became the big 4WD and the crappy runaround I kept resisting the 'yours' and 'mine' label as it didn't seem fair. Of course, now I'm being hypocritical as I want more ownership of 'my' shiny new car .

I suspect there are other underlying issues which are reflected in the behaviour. I definitely feel that I have 'lost status' since I stopped working and having a houseful of all men (DH & 2 DSs) reinforces that feeling if I'm the only one going around cleaning loos and picking up pants .

I'm watching DH carefully to make sure he doesn't morph into his father in older age - my FIL sold my MILs car after the children left home, saying 'she didn't need it anymore!'

Right, i've just done a straw pole of the comments - it won't be 100% as I didn't want too many categories and I'm not sure if some posters may have posted a view twice.

About 40 posters view it as 50/50 and are happy with that
About 37 posters are the main driver and are happy with that
About 33 Posters DPs/Hs are the main driver and posters are happy with that
About 7 Posters DP/Hs are the main driver and they are unhappy with it.

It's clear there are a minority who are unhappy and that's where the problem is. There might be a few more that are now unhappy as they hadn't given it much thought before, but there are clearly plenty of folk who although they may have minor niggles are happy to be the driver or not as the case may be.

I was actually surprised how many or the DP/Hs dont drive.

For the
"About 7 Posters DP/Hs are the main driver and they are unhappy with it."

If you're one of these, just out of interest, how old (approximately) are you?

(I'm 50.)

I already posted
I am the main driver
Dh is not happy about it though :)

E. We both drive each other's cars, just depends on who wants to drive really. It works this way for both long and short trips.

Me! I HATE DH's driving, it makes me feel sick. And although I'm really careful not to give a running commentary because that would be twattish, yes, looking at you, Super's husband DH can see I'm physically tensed up. Plus he doesn't really like driving on motorways and I do.

Mostly DH. We split it on long journeys, and sometimes on shorter runs I'll insist on driving so he can have a rest. He's not always the best passenger though.

On the rare occasion we all go out in my car I always drive as he doesn't have enough space with both car seats in the back. He's pretty ramped in front passenger seat too but at least he's not trying to operate pedals etc!

I thin the issue is not so much the who drives and how happy everyone is. It is that in more than one case, the expectation is that men should drive. Not that DH is better or DW is better but that DH should be better. That's why there is a penis hole in cars. For the penis to go in so that the car drives better.

I see what you are saying Terry but based on posters answers here that is only a handful of people. Otherwise it was a fairly even split.

Ok here's mine.

DH drives more than me. We have 1 car so no "your or my car" . When we did have two cars we each (on reflection, I never thought about it at the time ) both naturally got into driver's seat in "our car". Both similar - company cars we both drove similar amounts. Nowadays I am happy for DH to take the bulk of the driving. I find motorway driving very tiring ( I have a trapped Ulnar nerve) . So I would say I am happy for DH to drive more.

He does a bit more than taking the bins out (although he does do that) he also does his fair share of housework (given that I am now retired and he isn't) - so dishwasher , washing , changing beds, general tidying (because actually if one hand doesn't work very well then putting fitted sheets on and turning mattresses etc is quite hard. I do more "housework" and also house admin e.g. insurance , bills etc than Dh does but by and large we try to split it evenly between us , given the time available.

Bertrand - - in our house no-one gets away with being a passenger driver - the motto being - If you think you can do it better - you drive. Where I might have to say , walk a thousand miles in someone's shoes is - my Ds (19) now goes in the front seat - I go in the back - we always had adults in front , children in back - with our small (just a regular small car not anything glamorous) car it just isn't practical. Without buying a bigger car it just makes sense for me to squish a bit rather than he. Although rather nicely he always asks me if I would like the "front seat". Hey ho

That said - I am on the side of those whose DHs, DPs take it as a right that they drive , and the posters don't like it - that is wrong.

DH most of the time, especially as I'm heavily pregnant. If we go out though, he'll be the one to have a drink and I'll drive, pregnant or otherwise.

We have a big car and a small car. I prefer to drive the small one, he prefers the big one. If we are out together he drives as I run on ahead and get in the passenger seat. Also he doesn't drink and I like a glass of something, so he always drives home after a night out. I do sometimes take his big car and have actually dented and knocked it several times, but haven't owned up.

dh

I have a minor visual impairment which means I cannot drive

if I attempted to do so, I should hope dh would call the police

for the record, dh doesn't particularly enjoy driving but does it out of a sense of duty

When we go out together or with the kids he likes to drive. Automatically gets in the driver seat and it really pisses me off.