How to come out of an emotional affair

[benal345]

He is my manager and I can't leave my job, don't flame me, just need practical advices and tips.

I can see very easily how EAs happen. I could quite easily have one myself now IF I hadn't already been an OW some years ago and learned (to my sad cost) the pitfalls then. By the time you know that you're in too deep, it's too late and before then, well there was nothing to 'stop'.

Every post here has resonated with me and there have been some really insightful points made. There is no happy ending to any of it, if you can get to and through the ending then you're doing well.

I'm not looking forward to Monday. I think I'm going to finally get the reply to my message asking him to close the door, and although I asked for it, I'm so scared. I know that it's for the best and the right thing to do, but part of me wants him to refuse to do it. Actually seeing the words coming from him is going to be so, so hard to handle

Monday is such a mixture of emotions. I want to see him yet I know that having had 4 days away it will bring back everything I've been trying to deal with.
And yet I can't deal with any emotion at home. I'm keeping it all in because it's the right thing to do. And yes to the previous poster who said the wait for a reply is harder than expecting none at all. I've lived on my nerves for the last two years.

Good luck to all those dreading Monday morning. Stay strong x

Prosecco, what will you do if your OM doesn't send you that message confirming that the doors are now closed? It's so, so difficult, I know it is, but will you let him be the one to control your emotions and feelings like a puppeteer or will you be able to take hold and regain control?

An EA creeps up on you and before you know what's happened your in deep and it's too late.

Its almost as if you had no choice on the matter

I don't think that will happen Lying, but if it did, I honestly don't know. I've not been in control of my emotions and feelings for a while now, even before the EA started. He's not a bad person, and I don't think he realises the control he has.

I'm in that waiting for a reply hell. He told me yesterday that he'd reply when he can, but I just wish he'd hurry up and put me out of my misery, because no matter how much I'm trying to prepare myself for those words, I know that actually seeing them will hit hard, and I'd rather get it over and done with while I have time to myself to deal with it.

Prosecco, your OM doesn't sound that nice really. If he cared for you, he would do this small thing for your sake. He managed to reply to you yesterday - he could have sent you what you need, "We're over, no more contact now, best wishes OM"

He could have done that. He hasn't, he's keeping you dangling because you're letting him. He's assessing his options. Contrary to popular belief, OW are not ten-a-penny, as much as you/we don't want to hear it, it's a 'numbers game'. We did/do what other women will not. We're not special.

Sorry, I don't want to hurt you, Prosecco, I really have been where you are. I want you to take back the power of you, your feelings and say to yourself, "Fuck this for a game of soldiers... I'm done", or something like that. You can. You can do this... if it's what you want.

but how do you know its an ea...whats the difference between that and an intense emotional connection with lots of banter/humour...i have that and lots of outside contact via texts etx...nothing sexual or innuendo really but banter/fun etc.i am married he is not.in order not to give the impression that i am besottted by him and that i would never act on my feelings, i talk about my husband and family life alot.i dont get the impression that he fancies me but yet i know he is intrigued by me..so he says.i am a good bit older ...maybe its the fantasy..any help with helping me make sense of this please?

Is he partnered? Does she know of you/your friendship? Does your husband know of your friendship - the extent of it? Do you/he have romantic/sexual feelings for each other? If what you have is 'underground' then it's something you shouldn't be doing.

Your circumstances don't sound like an affair/EA or anything else, chickenrun, the frisson isn't there according to your post - at least from his side -, or at least I don't pick it up. I wonder if you have a bit of a crush on him though?

If your job is more important than your marriage, then I reckon the marriage is dead in the water.

My job isn't more important but it's something I love and can't just find another that suits so well. I have far more opportunities where I am, so I will be putting my head down and dealing with it

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread. All I know is when you were 18 what would happen? You would probably dump the person your with and go out with each other. The feelings are real it's just you try to convince yourselves otherwise later on in life usually due to non emotional factors such as money, kids and housing. There is no need to get complicated about it everyone, this is what it is.

benal345 we seem to have got away from your original request for hints and tips.
Can you really not leave? that would be the obvious thing to do. You have to let this guy know where you stand, and that you are not going to let things continue the way they have been. Then you have to follow through: be professional - only talk about work, nothing personal. Be polite, and no lingering eye contact, or accidentally meeting in the corridor/water fountain/coffee machine. If possible, try to be with other people.
You are going to have to start some new habits of behaviour around him. Eventually you will come through the other side, and be grateful for the lucky escape.

Ilove - but when you are not 18, and have made other commitments - it IS complicated. Maybe you have never experienced it????

If it's real, love should conquer all - but you end up very poor but happy.

You're right Lying, he could have just done that, and I've thought the same, but then thought that perhaps he's putting more thought in to his reply.

You've not hurt me Lying, you're not saying anything I don't already know, but it's an easier said than done situation.

Agree with everything Ilove said.

Aw thank you Daenery2

Supersop yes this is the problem of life.

Ilove I also think your post is spot on.

Waiting and hoping for contact is worse than going child turkey (in my experience) but it's still a killer..

Child turkey sounds awful