How to come out of an emotional affair

[benal345]

He is my manager and I can't leave my job, don't flame me, just need practical advices and tips.

I think I have stolen this thread, but yes it's more common than you'd think

Benal - id like to send you a PM but I have no idea how to on my iPad....

Mine is defn not a physical one at all

Benal - has it come close? I think it always get to the point where that's is impossible to maintain. The need gets too much. EA's almost always move to something physical if it goes on too long

Reason don't worry, let's hold each other's hand and make sure we come out of it together...

It did come close, we held hands and had a really tight hug, which was the peak of all, and I've probably not forgotten that special moment but decided we shouldn't forget we are in longterm relationships, hence have maintained our distance, which has obviously been very hard as well. We have to work long hours together, sometimes in the evening when everyone has gone home. I'm going to avoid those situations now, I think we both unconsciously designed those situations.

About the peaks and troughs, isn't that true in real life as well... However I want to know what shall I tell him if he asks me what's the matter??

Mine is very slowly edging closer to a physical one. We kissed once.

I know I should stop, but as others have said cos of the state of the rest of my life /marriage I can't bear the thought of it.

Like others I put in more than I get out. But what I get out is really fab pure torture

How do you get back from kissing... I thought we had crossed some lines but I guess like lots of unsaid things,this remains unsaid/ undiscussed so it's fine, except that it kills us from within.

You don't come back from that. That's when a line is crossed. That's when it becomes more. And that's why it hurts more. He stops being just your friend and becomes your lover

I'm just trying to get my head straight, there is only limited emotional energy that everyone has got and when we invest it in the pretend person we have none left in for others who are important/real, that's exactly what I've been constantly feeling... I sometimes can't believe how did I get into this big mess within my head...

I know that's what I've been doing for too long. I gave him all my emotional energy. I relied on him to make me feel good and sexy and wanted. And that's what he did.
But now I have to find the strength to find that in myself. I have to stop wishing away evenings and weekends so I can see him. As good as all of this has been I've lost a lot of time wishing my life away.

I want to cry loud, shout, scream and hoping it all ends, but it won't that easily. Even if we silently accept it, I've to work with him, there are days when we are in 4-5hours meetings through out the day (with/without other people). I just can't find/think of the right thing to tell him, which will push him away( not that he makes any efforts) but don't want to say anything hurtful either.

It sounds like you are the one wanting this to end but you also don't want to lose him. Can you disconnect from him slowly? Ration your non work contact?
I spend all day everyday wanting to hear from him, willing my phone to light up but that's never going to happen again. And I want to curl up and cry but I can't. No one knows the pain I feel because it's been caused by the OM. I feel utterly bereft.

I feel exactly the same...I'm the one defn wanting to end as I read somewhere women invest themselves in these relationships, for men it's just a fun out of marriage so it's easier for them to switch on and off. We probably can't do that, hence we suffer....

I didn't want it to end, and neither did he. But it had to. I guess you just never think of what's next in these situations. I loved the closeness as he gave me the one thing that is missing in my relationship and because my partner is the person he is I will never get that from him.
But I know that I am hurting much more than OM, even though I know he is too. But we have no choice

What a lot of self indulgent bollocks...if you want to stop having an affair STOP. Exercise some decency and self control

Of course it's self indulgent. Feelings tend to be. And just because it's something you shouldn't feel and that you are trying not to feel it's no less valid. That's why we feel so awful. You never go into these situations on purpose and yes we could just get over it but I had no idea this would happen

It sounds like for you it's more. She sounds like she just likes the attention and wants you to like her without giving you anything back.
Find what's not working in your relationship. It may mean you split but do not go down the road of an EA. it won't help at all. It will make the issues in your marriage too hard to focus on. I wish I hasn't ever responded to the change in friendship but because my relationship was struggling I did. But you owe it to you and your DH to work through your problems. She will just add to them I promise.

In the same boat here. Work together. Both expressed at different times that we are in unhappy/failing marriages...

It's so hard to try and keep the emotions at bay, to stop myself messaging and to not check my phone all the time to see if he's thinking of me! Walking away is the best option but both in niche jobs so not easy!

Yes to the urge to constantly check phone etc I am pretty sure though that I am a lot more emotionally invested than he is

I'm still checking my phone. Hoping to hear from him. But it's just what I am used to doing having spent far too many months glued to it. I used him texting me to validate how good I felt about myself. I'd worry and stress if he didn't reply to me. The reliance of him was too much. I'm paying for it now though.
It is trite to say that you fall in love, and yes many will say pull yourself together, get over yourself etc. But I did. And essentially i am having to get over a broken relationship quietly on my own.

Agree with PP...get a grip