Going out of my mind, husband leaving/left/thinking/pissing about PART 2

[garlicbreathing]

Follow on to my first thread about the lead up to the leaving, to the conversation to the aftermath. And it's a big aftermath.

First Part here- www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2622798-Im-about-to-lose-my-mind-here-I-think-DH-is-going-to-leave-me-tonight

What a loser! He wouldn't buy your share because of Brexit??!!! You should rent out the room to cover the mortgage. This would annoy him but also save him some money and also make him get his sorry ass into gear!!! Because for now he has it too easy! The flat in his sole possession and you OUT of it while still paying the mortgage!

I hope u still have a key. Advertise the room! Do it!

Seriously? What an idiot!

I forget, have you spoken to a solicitor about all this? With the fall-through of the buy out I think you certainly should. The Brexit thing could be a tactic to get you to 'give up and go away', iyswim. Especially if he knows you're involved with someone new. He may be thinking that he can wait you out and that you and Rick will ride off into the sunset and leave him in possession of the flat.

It's been my choice to pay the mortgage, he had offered to cover all the costs. However, I felt that was a tactic for him to say that I don't contribute anything and he should be entitled to more when it does sell. If the flat doesn't sell, I have told him we will relook at things, with the possibility that I'll move back in. But hopefully it won't come to that.

I know I need to speak to a solicitor but with everything still changing so quickly I just don't know what to seek advice on.

Keep a note of things and dates as they happen garlic offers you have made and agreements with dates etc. You may need to refer back if things do get nasty but hopefully not. Most solicitors will offer a free consultation, even if you just explain the circumstances and they reassure you that you are doing the right thing.

You don't have to have a specific scenario in mind to talk to the solicitor. Simply a few questions:

My ex offered to buy me out of our flat but has now backed out of that deal. I'd like to list the flat for sale. What are my options to force a sale? How much would that legal action cost me?

Must I continue to pay part of the mortgage to keep my rights over the property? I am currently living with my parents but would like to get another place and can't afford to do so. How would stopping paying my share of the mortgage affect the amount I would receive after a sale?

I left the property on XXXXX date. Do I have the right to move back in?

I think answers to these three questions would give you the information you need for you to decide what to do next.

He could drag this out forever, you know. Especially since you're basically subsidizing this continuing to live in the flat.

Wise words Accross

Whoops Across

Thank you Across, it does all seem so clear cut when spelled out like that. With everything going on in my head I wouldn't have been able to put anything together and it would all turn out all jumbled and not making any sense.

It is always clearer to see from the outside garlic. I really hope he doesn't mess you about but I think some posters are basing it on personal experiences or previous behaviour of your Ex. You would be better to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario - what if it doesn't sell for 6 months or a year? Or he refuses to accept a sensible offer? It would be better if you did know legally where you stood. That would give you a bit more control over the situation too.

Sorry to hear closure is going to take a little longer. You are still doing really well despite new obstacles.

Has he put the property on the market yet?

We are on the market. We've had a few viewings already, and the estate agent is getting back to me with feedback on Monday.

I'm going to see how the next month goes. If it's looking like things are going to be drawn out then I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Whilst the flat is on the market, watch for signs that he's stalling; not keeping the place neat and clean for viewings, blocking or interfering with viewings, and especially refusing to consider reasonable offers.

My BFF's ex did this and they ended up losing the house to foreclosure. He refused to pay the mortgage and she couldn't afford to. He said he'd rather lose the house and his share than see her get one penny.

We got an offer today on the flat. We have bounced back with trying to get it a little higher, as it is a bit lower than the home report valuation, and lower than what my ex explicitly said he wants. I hope to hear back with an alternative offer tomorrow, but hopefully this is good news that a line can very soon be drawn under this all!

My ex won't risk his equity in the flat by not paying the mortgage. It's just not him at all.

"lower than what my ex explicitly said he wants."

This may be the stalling I'm talking about. His way to either stall the sale or to get you to accept less than 50% just to get the flat sold so you can move on whilst he still gets the amount he 'wants'.

Just be prepared and decide what you will or will not accept.

I think it is sensible not to accept the first offer if it is lower than the valuation. People generally don't put their best offer in first - unless it is guide price to guarantee they get the house. Good luck garlic I have a good feeling about this one!

How are you getting on garlic? I hope some progress is being made!

Hi all.
We refused the first offer and they upped it slightly, but still lower than the home report. we had no more viewings booked so I was very keen to accept, but my ex still refused. The buyers then offered us the home report price and we have now accepted that. Very relived that it's hopefully now all dealt with!

Glad everything is working out for you garlic, hope things are still going well with Rick!

Things are going well with rick. We're going away on holiday tomorrow to a city break in Europe. My parents have met him and like him. Hes still just so kind and loving. I'm really happy

That's brilliant I'm so happy for you, and enjoy your holiday, I've just got back from Berlin and have the holiday blues!

That's fab news!

The whole process can still take a while with mortgages being arranged etc so probably a little more stress to come (sorry to spread doom) BUT what a fabulous way to take your mind off it to have a lovely dependable Rick and a little holiday planned What great news. Things are really in a better place for you and I am so happy for you.

It'll still be another couple months before we exchange so I'm trying not to be too confident just yet if things fall through. But I'm optimistic for the future.

Hi garlic are things still on track for the sale? Hope you are still well

So I have just spent the last 3 hours reading both threads. Jeez what a rollercoaster you've been on! Hope everything's going good now and the house situ is sorted xx