Going out of my mind, husband leaving/left/thinking/pissing about PART 2

[garlicbreathing]

Follow on to my first thread about the lead up to the leaving, to the conversation to the aftermath. And it's a big aftermath.

First Part here- www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2622798-Im-about-to-lose-my-mind-here-I-think-DH-is-going-to-leave-me-tonight

When I say you must see a solicitor, I mean solely to get details of the legalities of selling your half of the property. Obviously you will need one to act for you when you do sell, but for now you just need confirmation of what you - and he -- are entitled to expect in the interim. You can get a free half hour at most solicitors. Then, with all your ducks in a row, you can't be bullied into doing anything you don't want. You also need an independent valuation too when the time comes.

In the meantime "Keep on Ricking"!

Is there any way he could screw you over if you move out before it is all legally finished?

Yes, yes, he would not do that.

But could he?

Yes he could. He could put the brakes on. Refuse to do anything. Sit and stew about Rick and the fact garlic has moved on. It could end up that she has to pay a lot in solicitors fees to force him to cough up some money and wait a loooooong time to get things resolved and move on. (I speak from bitter experience).

I'm also mindful of the fact (if I remember correctly) that he has a history of not making things happen, therefore forcing garlic to - and the resenting her for getting stuff done.

I hope I am wrong and he is proactively sorting stuff but it is all theory so far isn't it? Could he just be saying it all to get his own way? (i.e you out of the flat) the same way he apparently did with ttc and marriage.

He wants this sorted, more so than I do. So I doubt he just wants me out, if that was the case id imagine he would be back moving in and making life awkward forcing me to move.
Assuming there is just a few weeks of him living here without me and still me owning, then I'll it be pushing for any sort of money.

Thank you all. I will make sure to seek legal advice this week if very possible.

Best of luck. Keep your fantastically level head

Wow! I first read this thread that night you were a frightened rabbit who thought her world would fall in around her and then lost the thread. Haven't you been through it lovely? Good to see that you are enjoying life and being appreciated and spoilt rotten by your new man. Having just RTWT , both of them, DO NOT LEAVE until the money is in your account. Look after number one because that wet fish you are married to has an ace to grind now that you are in a happier place. Wishing you all the best x

Oops, axe

Thank you both!
A lot you caught up on unicorn. I now feel he has a grudge and if he's not going to get what he wants, then he will make life very difficult for me. He wants to be in control and I want this to be over. I don't for a minute believe though that he will follow through with his threats to try to give me nothing. He wants the flat all to himself, so he wants me off the deeds. I won't sign until money is with solicitors and will then be passed to me. But I will be out in three weeks, I have already agreed to that so I will need to stick to it.
Thanks for sticking with this all. I do really appreciate everyone's advice.

Checking in from on the road! Wowsers! Is this the same OP or has she been taken over by aliens from the planet Steelovaries??

I may not be completely updated but do you have anything in writing about you moving and him paying? If not I'd get something even an informal written agreement.

You say he 'won't' screw you over but you don't know that. Hell hath no fury like a MAN scorned!

yep it's still the same me! I'll discuss having an agreement written down with my solicitor. Either way, I'm moving out the flat. Hopefully it does all go smoothly.

Out with rick tonight, he's a mortgage advisor so knows a bit more than me about what all of this will involve and he said he would offer me advice if I would like it.

Went to meet with solicitor today. He gave me some pretty good information, but was quite confused with the situation with the mortgage, buying out the equity and the offer for me, and how this involves my sister in law. But basically, it comes down to an agreement of an offer between myself and my ex.

I just want this finished, so I've already told him what I will accept, and he is going to pass this onto his sister to get her feedback. If that's fine, then it's just up to him to get all the final details with his mortgage sorted, if not then I have told him that I would prefer any further negotiations are through solicitors.

I will still move out on the 3rd. It will be easier, and I'm ready to go.

Sorry I must have missed something, what does his sister have to do with it?

His sister is buying out my share of the flat and is going to go on the mortgage. Basically, my ex doesn't earn enough to take over the flat himself in terms of the mortgage, and his sister (who is very wealthy) is the one giving him the money to basically buy me out, but it's working out that my share is just going to be transferred onto her.

But apparently she is using this as an investment and not being charitable towards her brother. I think it was code for not to press for more money as she is not going to stand for it.

Ah I see. Just make you you get what you are entitled to.

Please make sure that you have something in writing before you leave. So you have handed over 'control' to his sister?

You have had the flat valued by an agent of your choice, right? You aren't going on an estimate provided by ex or his sister are you?

And bollocks to his sister being stingy. It could be a trick to get you to accept less than you are entitled to.

You absolutely CANNOT leave until you have the cash sitting in your bank account.

On the 3rd he will sit there with all the cards in his hands. And we know what will happen then.... he'll drop them.

That's what he does... nothing.

YOur only leverage is stayingin a flat that he wants to live in. Please don't leave until the money is sorted. You'll regret it bigtime.

You cannot depend on his love/decency/honesty to get your half. He's more than proved he possesses none of those qualities, and he's just the type to prevaricate for literally years.

He's already paid out so much money to get the home report done and for solicitors and has done all the running about with sorting out the mortgage. He won't have done all that for nothing, I do genuinely believe he will follow through with this plan. If not, then according to my solicitor, we both have rights to occupy (which I knew already) and I have told him that I will be back in the flat in the situation where things don't move forward.
But really, the short of it is I need to move out. Moving to my parents is more convenient for work and for the dog, as he will have someone around him more. At the moment, I am having to rush back home after work everyday to make sure he's getting enough time with a person, and I feel guilty at leaving him as long as I need to. Ex is currently 2 mins around the corner and finishing work a couple hours earlier, but isn't popping back to take the dog out. I won't rely on him to care for him even if he is back in the flat. I feel like I'm living in limbo at the moment, with not sure whether to go to a big food shop, trying to use up what I have in already, starting to pack away the things I don't need. I'd rather know a date that I am working towards rather than have it sprung on me last minute that I am expected out.

I have the leverage that if I do get messed around, I simply won't accept to sign over and he knows that I will be moving back in. He wants sole ownership (which he still isn't getting with his sister now needing to be on the mortgage/deeds) and his own space so he's not going to unnecessarily delay.

The flat was valued with a home report which he paid for, and an estate agent which I chose. The figure we have agreed to base the offer on is an average of the two as there was a 5k difference. So we are splitting it down the middle.

I fear you are all going to be right and I will end up getting screwed over. But I am hoping I have put enough in place to protect myself if he does actually try it.

That sounds fair enough, and if he does start dragging his heels then you have a plan of action. Make sure you keep a set of keys until it's all official.

I am just going to trust my gut. I think the situation will end up worse if I go against what I've said to him now, and I don't think he's going to risk the deal we have. I will continue to plan to leave for the 3rd, and any issues, I will still have keys and I will move back in.

I think you are covered in the eyes of the law, it's only if you were to sign the property over prior to getting the settlement I would be concerned over. By moving out you still own it and as you say if it doesn't materialise then you just move back in, which you can legally do.