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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 27/04/2016 09:24

Great idea from barmaid

Could you go to your parents for the weekend?

Could you ask friends to create some plans for you and the children.

Play dates.....lots of them?

AlmostFreeMo · 27/04/2016 09:28

Barmaid that's a great idea.

My parents live too far away, can't go for a weekend.

I'll plan some things. He can take them out for lunch if he wants - will give me some time alone for a change.

OP posts:
Akire · 27/04/2016 09:52

Morning. I woulnt worry about schools if you decide to go to refuge, you are only going to be there days until he's gone and you can come back to normal life. But good option to keep open.

Roseformeplease · 27/04/2016 10:37

What about asking your parents to book (and pay for) a local Premiere Inn, or TravelLodge? It would not be too expensive but would get you out of the house and away, at least for a couple of nights.

Pocketsprocket · 27/04/2016 11:00

Mo, you have got the DC's passports somewhere safe not in the house haven't you?

Barmaid101 · 27/04/2016 11:31

Oh gosh never thought of that pocket, what if he tries to take them back with him!

AlmostFreeMo · 27/04/2016 11:38

He's just sent me this:

Last night you brought the kids home at 8.45 tired and with DS in tears. I do not feel that was appropriate behaviour, especially on a school night. If this happens again then I am minded to advise social services.

Call to the refuge I think.

OP posts:
glad2016 · 27/04/2016 11:42

Get out of there Mo he will just get worse and worse - go anywhere, until he has leftxxx

Akire · 27/04/2016 11:46

He's not twigged the only reason you didn't come back was Because you didn't want to be near him.

Let him call SS that would be fun... Yes she brought the kids home at 8.45 after I demanded she came earlier. Any other concerns? Well yes the money I give her to live on a pre paid card she uses and the cupboards are bare.... Anything else well she deluded into thinking we are seperated when I say we are not... So you don't think she's fit to look after your children.... Well yes for 24/7 for months at a time their entire physical moral spiritual abd educational welfare but by Jove that 8.45 home time THAT is to much.

Roseformeplease · 27/04/2016 11:49

I am rarely lost for words but....fucking hell. Wankertosspotfuckwitarsehole really is a shit.

Barmaid101 · 27/04/2016 11:49

Pack a bag for you and the kids and go! Even if you go to your mums, he's not about too much longer. Your and the children's health and their safety is more important. It will be ok for them to miss a few days of school. Just contact the head teacher and explain that you are in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship and it's getting worse and you need to get yourself and the kids to a safe place I'm sure they would understand

DistanceCall · 27/04/2016 11:50

Get out, Mo. Go to your parents' home. This is an emergency. Something will be sorted out re your children's school - your HT will completely understand if you call to explain.

But he's escalating. He may do something completely unexpected.

Barmaid101 · 27/04/2016 11:54

Is there any chance he could have got duplicate passports? When you pick them up from school just go! Make sure you have all necessary paperwork

Akire · 27/04/2016 11:57

I doubt he take the kids aboard it cost to much to pay someone to look after them! But yes he might threaten just because he knows it will hurt you.

He's done all stuff we thought so far, bar accuse you of an affair.

glad2016 · 27/04/2016 11:59

Please Mo, get your documents ( passports, birth certs , financial stuff) all tech you need, a bag of clothes and other essentials and just go. Don't come home until he has left.

DistanceCall · 27/04/2016 12:00

God knows what's going through his mind. If he now believes that the relationship is over, he may be thinking that it's better if he keeps custody of the children, so that he can dump them on his mother and doesn't have to pay maintenance (and can continue to be a complete miser). So he may take them with him abroad or to his parents' home or God knows what.

Really, this is the most dangerous time. Please, please get yourself and your children away from him.

sleepyMe12 · 27/04/2016 12:05

Mo I have been lurking from the start but have to comment after that text message.

It sounds like he is laying down a trail for a case to show solicitors/SS.

I'd be wary of letting him have the children at the weekend.

I would reply to the message stating the reason why they you was out til such time (to keep away from him) and I also agree he is escalating his behaviour so pack up and leave xx

notonyurjellybellynelly · 27/04/2016 12:07

Mo, please take a step back from this and don't panic. I would either ingnore what he said, or I'd say please go ahead and report me to who ever you like as it will be good for others to see you for who you are also

You are under immense pressure because he is home and its making all of these things that are happening a hundred times bigger than they are. You have a few days left of his nonsense and then you'll be back on a more even keel.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 27/04/2016 12:09

Where is Mo supposed to go?

Is a refuge feasible?

notonyurjellybellynelly · 27/04/2016 12:10

Morning. I woulnt worry about schools if you decide to go to refuge, you are only going to be there days until he's gone and you can come back to normal life. But good option to keep open

If he changes the locks whist she's in the refuge how would she get back in the house?

Akire · 27/04/2016 12:12

Since Mo is joint owner and he's out of the country she can just ring up any locksmith or break a window and get in. It's not like he's going be in there or back that evening threating her is he. Besides no court or housing department would re house you while you are joint owners of a house that's empty just for sake of a new lock.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 27/04/2016 12:20

Thank you for the explanation. Im not in the Uk and Ive no idea about what people can and can't do.

Grumpyoldblonde · 27/04/2016 12:27

Did you respond to that ridiculous message Mo? I would tell him to go right ahead tbh he will look an absolute dick. he is ramping it up, maybe let the police know? Certainly let the HT know. 8.45 for fucks sake, he has been home a couple of days, what a knob.

Grumpyoldblonde · 27/04/2016 12:30

Oh and this is threatening behaviour no? Just to add to the list of twattishness, make sure you keep that message. Foward it to a friend if there is any chance he could delete your phone

notapizzaeater · 27/04/2016 12:34

He's deranged.

I'd reply with the telephone number for social services to save him time. You would be taking the power back. (Then I'd pack some stuff and run like hell to your parents)