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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 20:29

He's not going to call. But if he did what would happen? They've already got my reported incident so would already be aware of that.

OP posts:
AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 20:30

Going to go home straight to my room with the kids.

OP posts:
AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 20:30

He'll try and talk to them, stop them. It's going to be awkward.

OP posts:
Mamia15 · 26/04/2016 20:31

Tell him that there is no food or money at home for you & DC.

Akire · 26/04/2016 20:32

Well the only thing can think of is kidnap! But since you are both parents with custody and you are primary parent since he's away not much he can do.

If you are generally concerned over safety and his behaviour which you are, you could call local station and say he's threaten you to come back and you to scared to, which you are.

rumbleinthrjungle · 26/04/2016 20:38

What would happen? Well you might get some support, I think it would work entirely in your favour. There's no court order so he's going to be disappointed to find he has no power to stop you leaving and taking the children with you, or power to force you to come home or send them home, you aren't actually his possessions. Social services or the police might contact you to see if you're all right - whereupon you get to explain you're being coerced, harassed and intimidated by an abusive twat and afraid to go home/sleeping with the kids in a locked room, and show your texts from him and his request for invoices. I think after that they might talk with you about how to get further away from him and add quite a bit to your DA evidence.

He can go to court if you leave permanently with the children and he wants to press it, but you then pull out your evidence and explain to the judge he doesn't have one screw fully tightened. And the judge will then negotiate a court order about contact, which I suspect will take his parenting skills a lot more into account more than he will like.

kittybiscuits · 26/04/2016 20:51

This is what happens when you leave a cunt Mo. Thinking of you and sending you strength. You will find a way through it to freedom x

PhoenixReisling · 26/04/2016 21:03

I'm really worried. Hoping you are ok.

If you feel scared, just call the police.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 26/04/2016 21:04

Why did MNHQ post that reminder?

I really wish they just wouldn't post and run.

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 21:05

We're home. Acting 'normal'. He has managed to convince the oldest to sleep with him in the double bed. I want my son with me. But I can't argue over him. Littles are with me.

OP posts:
clam · 26/04/2016 21:09

Wow. Dad of the year.

Akire · 26/04/2016 21:12

MNHQ post on threads where people are offering lots of support advice or other help just as a reminder that occasional people are not whom they seem. Like random thread will appear about no money for food etc and well meaning people offer to help. They are not saying it's a problem but they can't 100% say it's safe to either. In case people assume that somehow people have been vetted. I think it's just in their duty of care as hosts. We all know Mo long enough :)

He's only using your oldest to get one over on you, he's not been bothered about spending time with him had he. Glad you home at least things seem "as could as can be"

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 21:13

Indeed. At least he left me alone and didn't cause a scene in front of the kids. Not his style though. He's a stealth abuser.
I don't like him taking DS like that but not much I can do about it.

OP posts:
clam · 26/04/2016 21:17

Bet he doesn't last the night. Ds, I mean. Bet there'll be an extra little body sneaking in for a cuddle during the night.

PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 26/04/2016 21:22

@notonyurjellybellynelly

Why did MNHQ post that reminder?

I really wish they just wouldn't post and run.

Sorry, we don't mean to post and run - and yes - what Akire says: -

@Akire

MNHQ post on threads where people are offering lots of support advice or other help just as a reminder that occasional people are not whom they seem. Like random thread will appear about no money for food etc and well meaning people offer to help. They are not saying it's a problem but they can't 100% say it's safe to either. In case people assume that somehow people have been vetted. I think it's just in their duty of care as hosts.
tribpot · 26/04/2016 21:25

I'm really worried about how his behaviour is escalating. I think his response to being presented with the list of expenses as requested shows his intention is not to satisfy his curiosity about how the money was spent but quite clearly to punish you severely enough that you will go back to work. That's why no level of detail could ever be satisfactory to him - that's not the goal, it's just the means to the end.

His ridiculous kidnap threat is bizarre and frightening. I really do think you need to get out of the house until he's gone. Friend may not really have room but can you all muck in for a week? Could your parents help by funding a hotel for a few nights? Are they aware about how surreal things have got in the last few days?

RandomMess · 26/04/2016 21:26

Hugs Mo

I think he does know the relationship is over, otherwise why this extra level of nastiness.

I do wonder whether it is worth the expense and emotional trauma of engaging a SHL to try and stay in that house etc. or whether accepting you need to move and get your 50% of the equity plus child maintenance will be better for your peace of mind? He has the money to make it a long drawn out nasty and expensive war and is that worth the prize of getting to live in that house for longer and still having some sort financial tie to him?

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 21:54

Ooh blimey, an MNHQ intervention on my thread!

Thank you everyone honestly for your astounding kindness and offers to help. I'm still figuring out which way I'm going to go and maybe SH mediator will do the trick, well I'm hoping she will produce some sort of result.

What a scary evening I've had. If a refuge can offer me a space tomorrow, I'm going straight there, believe me, till he's out of the country.

OP posts:
glad2016 · 26/04/2016 21:56

huge hugs Mo and your children xxx

RandomMess · 26/04/2016 21:58
Flowers

Is going on a visit to your parents an option if no space available? Not ideal to take the DC out of school but it would be 3 days max and it is extenuating circumstances?

KOKO

velocitygir1 · 26/04/2016 22:01

ThanksThanks Mo stay brave, you are doing amazing...an absolute hero to your children. So strong, you really are! He's a cock.

glad2016 · 26/04/2016 22:03

Did he physically threaten you Mo? As in more than the appalling emotional and financial abuse you have already had? Has he escalated to physical threats as well ? I really do think a call to the police is needed, regardless. he sounds unhinged tbh and a danger.

DollyTwat · 26/04/2016 22:04

Mo please don't hesitate to call the police if you feel threatened. They should insist he stays somewhere else.

Thank god he's going away in a week or so, and you have time to sort everything

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 26/04/2016 22:05

Any HT will say take the children out of school and go if its a safety issue, they won't hesitate.

It's sinking in to him now isn't it? Very glad you're being so careful and glad too you're planning to go to a shelter. Thanks

Thattimeofyearagain · 26/04/2016 22:16

Sending best wishes and Flowers Mo.

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