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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
OrlandaFuriosa · 23/05/2016 17:06
  1. Breathe. Slow, get yourself a cup of tea.
  1. It isn't forever, in a years time this will be resolved.
  1. Is This critical for the dc concerned, eg a piano exam, a school trip, or a nice to have? I know his behaviour is completely unacceptable, but my response would vary dependent on that.

4 I would draft an email in response, try it on a friend or the wisest MNr via a PM, and you might just think of letting your finger slip and copying in, oh I don't know, his parents and or the mediator by mistake.. What a pity..

DollyTwat · 23/05/2016 17:17

What happens when he comes back Mo?
Are you any further forward with sorting the house out?

He's making a difficult situation as hard as he can. This is the real him unfortunately

If you could get an attachment of earnings it would be much better for you, you'd just get the money.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 17:22

I just want to tell him as soon as the house is sold and finances arranged by the courts, apart from having to hand over the children for contact, I want NOTHING to do with him ever again.

My poor kids were worried, they've been hugging and clinging to me poor things. They think I had a bad dream. What a horrible cruel individual to do this to his child.

He's transferred the cash btw - but that means next month we'll only have £160 for all of us for the month, apart from shopping money. BTW, the extra money on the CC was not a mistake. It was for additional things needed next month, he just didn't tell me it was going to be restricted to the card so I can't even go elsewhere to buy it.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 23/05/2016 17:45

I don't even know what to say to this.

I hate him too Mo.

petalsandstars · 23/05/2016 17:54

Have you spoken to a dv specialist in financial and emotional abuse? He gets worse and worse.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 23/05/2016 18:12

Mo. I don't understand about the card things but I would paste a smile on my face and say you do realize you are shooting yourself in the foot with these antics come the day we go before a judge to do the financials?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 18:23

Jelly belly - he puts money on a prepaid card for grocery shopping for a specific store, meaning I don't have a choice about where to shop.

I don't know if I want to email him again. Apart from a load of profanities.

OP posts:
notonyurjellybellynelly · 23/05/2016 18:38

Ah, ok. What an arse he is.

But to be honest I'd mail him and say you do realise that by doing this re the payment for the activity you are handing me my evidence on a plate?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 18:43

I'll call the mediator first thing tomorrow. I need news and I need action now. He simply cannot continue thinking this whole thing is a joke and that he can play with our lives this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 19:05

I can't get inside his head. What have I done for him other than sacrifice my entire life for him and our children?
Just ignore my vents...

OP posts:
Dungandbother · 23/05/2016 19:08

Don't take this bit to heart Mo but THREE YEARS I've been trying to divorce my lying cheating ex.

Every week he does something to 'put me in my place'. Every week.

I no longer talk to him at all. Not one text or email or face to face. He tried to moan at me in front of the children when he bought them home at the weekend. I just said say goodbye to Daddy and walked away. If he had crossed my threshold I would have called the Police.

Anyway, story aside, I understand your frustration. It's endless and I need you to understand, I think you do, it is totally deliberate by him.

Can you get his mother to send emails? Your mother? My mum does it for me. She totally ignores all twat fuckery and returns him quickly to the point. He txt me to say he was late at weekend and I just said please only communicate with Dung's mother. So he had to txt her to say he was late.

It's always money, or a change to contact plans. And I am in such a better place without any communication with him. Do you think you could try this? Or something similar? If a girlfriend did it for you, I can guarantee he won't be such a bully. What about a brother? Got one of those? A cousin?

notonyurjellybellynelly · 23/05/2016 19:18

Mo, some heads just cannot be understood so do stop trying for now and just deal with each action as it occurs. Use it as your motivation xxx

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 19:24

How sad and pathetic, to still be doing that after three years. Do you worry what he says to your DC about you, Dung?

I don't know about getting someone else involved as a go between. Does that mean if you need to tell him something, your mum does it for you too? I'd love to say stop communicating with me directly from now and and contact x instead, but in practice I'm not sure how it would work.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 19:25

No Jelly, I know. It's hard to stop though. I feel like I've mentally been through the wringer again.

OP posts:
Akire · 23/05/2016 19:43

Hi Mo hope your friend arrived. Sounds like good old gas lightening to me. He IS given you the money for things in future but he not tell you and putting it on the card is pants anyway. Do he can blame you for you poor money managent skills and not being able to manage a budget.

Crazy why does he deserve a life style yet his kids can't have stuff that's he agreed up to now trips etc. Kids are not stupid it's one thing growing up with no money to do things because there is none but in years to come and they can see how he made you struggle while he's saving thousands they will make their own mind up.

On the kids have you told them you have split up? I know it wasn't the time when he was home last but manage now they have time to get heads together before he comes back and starts saying the opposite! There are ways to say he's being a pain in the ass without slagging him off to much .

notapizzaeater · 23/05/2016 20:04

He's being an idiot ..... Can you chase the benefits people for your claim ? They shouldn't need anything from him for a claim as a single person. Have you spoken to your solicitor - can she put the fear of God up him ?

There's lots if us in here that hate him !!

Arrowfanatic · 23/05/2016 20:40

I wonder if it would be good to have someone who can work as your go between. So you tell them what you want him to know and they email the details, he emails them back and they tell you. Practicality wise I don't know if he would do that but if you could at least he would have to be a twunk to someone else to see.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 20:43

Hi Akire.
I was very close to telling the older ones today when they came to me worried about why I was crying and upset. I told them I would tell them but not yet. I didn't have the right words to say at the time. And I suppose I still don't. It's very tempting to say something that puts him in a bad light, and that's not fair is it, because they still love their daddy, even if he is a prize arse. I don't know how kids react when they can see daddy is upsetting mummy all the time, maybe they will come to their own conclusions. I'm just scared of him making out I've poisoned them against him in some way, and then him retaliating when he gets the chance because he is actually that immature.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/05/2016 20:56

There is a fine line between painting him in bad light and being age appropriately truthful.

I really think it's okay to tell them that the main reason is that you think Twunt is mean with money towards you all. That you have worked hard to look after body so that he can work doing the job he chooses and that you gave up your job for that to happen and now he won't share.

mix56 · 23/05/2016 21:00

I'm Sorry, he is being as good as he ever is, as himself.
What a bastard. Of course he knows what he is doing. He is toying with you like a cat with a mouse.
He knows you are struggling, & is punishing you for being rebellious.
I can understand you crying in frustration & desperation...
Please just believe this WILL end.
Yes get on to all the various people who can help with finances & mediation.
We are here to listen & do ask for help from your RL friends.
Do you have any brothers or sisters? cousins?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 23/05/2016 21:14

He loves the power over you. I bet he got a little thrill when he thought up the "advance". Maybe another when he read your angry email. Or maybe it was more of a Mwah Ha Ha moment "that'll teach her what happens if she tries to leave me!"

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 21:21

Ooh I forgot. His little act of repeating we're not separated x 1,000 is just an act, it's confirmed. I found out from someone else that he'd told them that there is no going back now for us. So he doesn't actually believe this is a joke, he knows it's serious but he won't admit that to me, as part of his sick little game.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 21:30

Ok I'm going to think about what I say to the older ones. Especially the oldest...he must be so confused by what's going on. Initially he thought I was angry with him (because he had been told off for something totally unrelated a while before) and I had to tell him god no, it was nothing to do with him and he wasn't in trouble. Poor lad was really upset he'd done something really bad. He was fine when I explained though and then he was very sweet checking with me later to make sure I was feeling better. Bless him. Maybe if I tell him now, it might explain a few other things to him. He's not stupid.

OP posts:
clam · 23/05/2016 21:40

I suppose he won't acknowledge the separation to you because he wants to imagine it will end when he says so, not you.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 23/05/2016 22:13

I'm dying to know what he told the mediator.
I'm also dying to tell him not to contact me again (if he can't make the fixed day and time for Skype with the kids I could tell him to communicate that to a family member).
I've got shed loads to do in prep for tomorrow but I'm too drained to get up and do it. My eyes are puffy and stinging. Damn crying.

OP posts: