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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 13/05/2016 12:12

Mix you are right. I know that. But in moments of weakness and desperation I find myself wanting to contact him.
I've just emailed mediation lady. I can't go this weekend too without knowing something. It's sheer torture waiting for news.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 13/05/2016 12:27

Do you have any plans for the weekend, Mo?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 13/05/2016 12:35

Distance - thanks for giving me those reminders. I need them sometimes. I retreat so easily back to thinking he can be the person I thought he used to be.

But no, I would never want other people to spread the word - it would be horrible thinking people are whispering about me. I will tell those I want to know in good time. It's just certain situations with certain people are very difficult for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 13/05/2016 12:36

This weekend is kids' stuff - sports and parties. I have plans with friends next week but not this week. When I probably need it more. I might see if anyone's free to meet up. But maybe I can't cope with people this weekend, I don't know.

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Dollytwat · 13/05/2016 13:06

Mo your stbxh is not your friend, even if he pretends to be, he will use it against you

The way you feel now is depression and I wouldn't rule out taking AD's if that's what you need to get through this period. What I would say, from experience, is that the times when you feel least able to cope with other people is usually the time when socialising would do you the most good.

It's very hard to do it though. I force myself when I feel that way, because I know that it makes me feel better. Even if you only see people for a very short time.

DistanceCall · 13/05/2016 13:16

Mo, you seriously need real life support now. You must be feeling so lonely.

Dollytwat is right in that often when you least feel like seeing other people is precisely when it would do you the most good.

I do think that you need to be able to talk about this with people near you. I know you are feeling awful about it, but your family and (real) friends will be so happy to be able to listen to you and help you. You don't have to do this on your own.

Akire · 13/05/2016 13:22

You can take herbal depression meds Saint johns wort is very good I take myself from time to time found really helps (happy send you some from stash!)

You got to remember you been fighting this since Christmas you bound to feel shattered and bruised.

Only you know if telling him will make a difference, it could mean gets his ass in gear talks to you or he may just say well imagine how this makes me feel, and you will just feel worse.

I'd also say met up or invite someone over sometimes it's nice just to do nothing with someone else. Depression can also make you feel really tierd so don't feel bad not going out kids a lot, you are under weather it not hurt them for few days.

OrlandaFuriosa · 13/05/2016 13:36

Mo, this was bound to happen. You have been running on adrenalin and energy for a long time. Your reserves have been used up. So you now need to restore them.

First, long bath, with smellies if you have them.

Next coffee in the sunshine, If any.

Next, two kitchen chairs, blanket over them, and a rug under them, in the garden or sitting room,for the dcs to play cave men, campers, explorers, mugs of milk and biscuits out there.

Now, on your bed, your privacy, go on to Gutenberg and read. Old free classics, like Pride And prejudice, little women, soothing music, drift off.

Say nowt to ChainMo till you are more rested. .
Hugs

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 13/05/2016 13:52

I just went out for a drive with DD and feel a bit better, cleared my head a little.
Thanks for talking me out of diving in and writing and emotional desperate email.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 13/05/2016 14:26

We are here for you any time, Mo. Take care of yourself. You are doing so, so well.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 13/05/2016 14:45

Mo quite often it takes a second trip back to the Dr in order to convey to him or her how you really do feel. It's kind of the opposite to that white coat syndrome people get when it comes to their blood pressure - they go to the dr and their BP rises. Then they have to wait a while and have the reading taken a few times more to see if it goes down. Going to the Dr with depression can actually make you feel a lot better whilst you're there but when you go home it can hit you once again that you're really not feeling very well at all.

It happens to my sister in law who has had reactive depression a few times due to battling breast cancer. We go to the Drs, she goes home feeling a bit better, and 48 hours later I'm back at the Drs with her for medication.

Take care of yourself. X

Ps please don't contact your husband because anyone who's emotionally stunted as he is will never give you the response you need. You will only set yourself up for more heartache if you look for it.

BoatyMcBoat · 13/05/2016 15:45

"Oh, we think I'll be fine very quickly now" says everything!

Standard to become a bit depressed in these circumstances, Mo, no shame in it. ADs are great for helping one over a bump, so don't be afraid of them if it comes to it. I do believe that once the money is sorted and the ability to close the door of your home on whomsoever you please, whensoever you please, is organised, you wouldn't need any pills.

Dollytwat · 13/05/2016 17:42

Mo if your stbxh showed you any kindness or understanding now, you would know for sure that it was false

You're nearly there, you've only got a bit further to go and for sure things can only get better.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 13/05/2016 17:51

Jelly belly - interesting about second visits and feeling better/mood dropping. Exactly what happened to me yesterday. I was a bit tearful after as I suppose I was digesting it for the first time, but then last night I felt a big lift and felt briefly quite good (sounds great doesn't it Grin) and then bloody terrible again this morning. The doc I saw was lovely and suggested I go back and see him again in a couple of weeks so is obviously aware of this, and has not just fobbed me off with a referral.

Anyhow my mood is lifting again now, I can't quite get my head round all these mood changes. I probably would have done the social thing now but too late to sort babysitter etc. but no matter, I'm sorting out a few upcoming things to keep me busy and have a few things to look forward to which helps.

Bloody mood swings!

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DoreenLethal · 14/05/2016 08:45

Yes mood swings - but now you know they are mood swings and potentially a bit of depression brought on by stress - you can see this through without spilling anything to him that he will use against you in the future.

Can you write yourself some memos that you can read when you feel down? You WILL get through this. You WILL be free. It's just the journey now, think of the destination.

OrlandaFuriosa · 14/05/2016 11:33

Mo, there's great advice on mood swings and depression on MN and elsewhere. Have some strategies to hand to cope. It'll be a bit of a roller coaster ahead.

BoatyMcBoat · 15/05/2016 02:04
Flowers Mood swings are a bastard, aren't they? Have chocolate Chocolate
Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 15/05/2016 13:53

Weird...popped into the supermarket to buy a couple of things fully expecting the cuntcard to be empty (usually in credit by Monday night) and not only was it topped up, but with £50 more than usual...so what's all that about? He's not said anything.

I'm also chasing him up to pay an invoice (I'm like bleeding credit control) for an important occasion but he hasn't paid it so I'm not assuming a sudden surge of generosity yet.

But he's very exact and precise so this is odd. He'd better not be trying to cover the additional costs on the card - I doubt it because the card takes a few days to credit and I only paid for the event yesterday.

Anyway thank heavens for the sunshine today. Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday Smile

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 15/05/2016 13:59

Keep a note of it, it could be that he is doing what a few PPs mentioned and trying to pay the maintenance on the card. Spend it obviously, but keep a note of it...

DistanceCall · 15/05/2016 13:59

He's probably trying to lure you back. "Look how generous I can be!"

He really, really doesn't get the point, does he. Ignore it.

Just imagine what a relief it will be when YOU get to do all the controlling of YOUR bank account and card.

DistanceCall · 15/05/2016 14:00

But of course, keep a record of it.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 15/05/2016 14:03

If he is generous though he likes to shout about it, so weird he hasn't told me about it yet.
Prompted by a call from the mediation woman perhaps?

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DistanceCall · 15/05/2016 14:10

Perhaps. In any case, don't give him any more headspace than needed. Just keep a record of it in case he tries to do anything dodgy and forget about it. And enjoy your Sunday!

Bogeyface · 15/05/2016 14:17

Perhaps he fucked up and is silently fuming about it? Although unlikely given his anal behaviour around money. It is a puzzler...

RandomMess · 15/05/2016 14:50

Possibly just a way to get you to engage with him - i.e. you now need to ask why he has sent it, is it extra, is it a one off, so on and so on. Just another means of showing you who is in control?